The Inner Thoughtlessness of Rangiku Matsumoto
by janabananah
Summary: What does Rangiku think about? Wouldn't you like to know?
1. Chapter 1

_(Uh...don't own the characters...just the stories within...like you didn't already know.)_

Awkward and gangly I walked the streets barefoot and alone. I hated life. I didn't understand why I was here. Funny, not much has changed since then. I am staring up at the sky, walking in the sunlight alone and contemplating my life as I know it.

**Don't hate me because I'm beautiful**

I was grateful to him for coming into my life. For once I was able to walk with my head high in the air as if to say "Screw you world. I AM something to somebody and I am no longer alone." That feeling was and still is the most wonderful feeling in the world. Everyone wants to be loved… everyone. We did everything together. We lived like the little family we were. Yes, there were times of struggle but since we had each other all of the bad things sort of just…fell away. It was magic how it all disappeared. It was such a comfort having him near. I wished that feeling could have lasted. From then on the years flew by and together we grew. We grew in our hearts; we grew in our minds; we grew with our bodies. Yes he became a man…and I…became a woman.

I was really self conscious about the way my hips flared and my breasts swelled to create an hourglass figure. In those days he made it a point to tell me that my "evolution" was beautiful everyday. I loved him for it and over time I started to believe him. He made me feel like I wasn't the dirty, malnourished, insignificant woman I thought I grew into. I was worth something.

Soon, we started school and overnight it seemed that I was vexed with popularity. I didn't know what to do with all of this attention. He did not saturate me with thoughts on the subject. He couldn't find it in his heart to offer one drop of advice. No, he just turned and walked away when other men would approach me. It's the one thing he is an expert at, walking away.

What does a starving child do when offered food? I too indulged myself in conversation, laughter and the idea that I was desirable and had a lot to offer the world and not just a lot to offer one man. Now, I wouldn't say that he is the possessive type but he is the jealous type. I realize that now. I know him well enough to tell that it bothered him but a part of me didn't care. The same way a part of him didn't care when he would leave me to wonder if he'd ever come back. It was my turn to show him that I wasn't the stray cat that I was some years ago. Nope, everyone loved me and he was going to see it and appreciate me enough never to leave me. I had intended to glue him to my soul. I was such an idiot.

Every year the academy sponsors a party to honor the recent graduates. I had already assumed that we would go together. Why wouldn't we? Side by side we had walked together this far and secretly I hoped it would always be this way. I hoped he wished for the same. Everyone knew about us. It wasn't a secret…but that didn't detour some from trying. A week before graduation I came home to a bundle of letters that had been shoved under my door. In utter shock I looked up at him as his hand tightened around mine, our fingers interlaced.

"What is all this?" I remarked knowing full well what the letters contained without having to read them. My plan had worked. He was fuming. His demeanor turned cooler than normal and he released me from his grip. I knew it bothered him but I kept playing the game. The game he had created and that I had been victim to all of these years. It was back firing and he didn't like it. With a sigh I bent down to retrieve the letters. I waited for him to come inside my dorm room before closing the door and locking it behind me.

Making myself comfortable on the floor, across from him, I started reading the letters silently to myself, in front of him, one by one paying close attention to his face. His expression never changed. The letters were full of nonsensical fluff as to why I should go to the party with the author…it seemed that all twelve of the letters were identical. The words on the paper didn't mean anything to me. There was only one person that mattered and he was sitting across from me.

I was amused with the affect that all of the fuss being made over me, the stray cat, was causing him. As I finished reading the last letter, I folded it and stacked the letters into a pile with a smile and a sigh of contentment. We sat in silence for a moment or two. I waited for him to speak but he remained silent. Grabbing the letters I shifted my weight to stand when I felt a hand clasp over my wrist. In surprise I looked at him and a feeling of victory spread through my veins like a wild fire. He was pissed…and all I could thing was think "I got him! Go me!" The words he spoke next will forever be etched into my mind. It skips like a broken record. Agony.

"I don't know what cha gettin' so excited 'bout. They only want cha for ya body."

I felt the blood drain from my face and I choked on the bitter taste of reality. It pleased him. He would not be out done in his own game. I swear I heard him laugh when my heart shattered at his feet.

I was outraged…after all of our years together…me feeling like trash…now I am trash with curves? I had made no progress!?!?! This can't be right. How could he say such a thing to me? His friend. His love.

I dealt with the realization that I was looked upon not as a person but as a body and I devised a way to use this newly found power to my advantage…if they wanted a body…they would get it and I would reap the benefits…Thus, a flirt was born. They would never see me cry.

**Lazy? Puh-lease!**

My captain says I am lazy. I beg to differ; I just have an unhealthy fear of physical exertion...it mostly afflicts my right hand. Writing is excruciating. He just doesn't understand. Yeah…that's it.

I never used to be that way. It wasn't until recently that this phobia developed. I soon realized that there was no need to stress myself out doing something that terrified me when there were plenty of men that would jump to do it for me. Sometimes all it takes is for me to bat my eyelashes a few times, smile, innocently touch my victim's hand and I am home free. I worked my ass off as a child, on up through school…all the way up until I became a vice-captain. They can't expect little 'ole me to work my fingers to the bone, _all_ the time. Remember…they only want me for my body! Brains? What brains? I may not be able to beat Gin at his game but I can sure beat the other men at theirs….and besides…life should be enjoyed and that is just what I am going to do…right after my nap.

**My dirty little secret**

Some think I smile because I don't know what is going on, on the outside. In reality, I smile because I don't want _**them**_ to know what is going on, on the inside.

**Make that boy a man**

I feel somewhat pleased with myself and my contribution to recruiting Captain Hitsugaya into the academy. I know talent when I see it! What can I say? He is way too smart and powerful for his own good…_**and**_…he is a cutie pie, too! Daily I am plagued by the urge to pinch his cheeks and run my fingers through his hair. I wasn't surprised when he floated up the ranks and now hovers right above me. ;)

My favorite moments are when it's just me and him in the office; two people finding it hard to break past the barriers of the stereotypes that cannot contain them. Sometimes when I look at him it is hard to believe that he still as young as he is. I once asked him how he got to be so clever. The only response I got was an icy glare my way and a dry statement. "Flattery will not get you out of work, Matsumoto." He didn't know I was being sincere.

I don't think he means to be cold. It is just how he learned to compensate for his youth. He earned his position…I don't see why he has to defend it. It's a shame he has to feel that way in my opinion. People suck for making him feel like he doesn't deserve what he earned.

I love to tease my captain. I love to make the color in his cheeks burn with embarrassment. It's one of my all time favorite pass times…but my intentions are benign and always carried out behind closed doors. I have the utmost respect for him and I wouldn't want to portray any other image to the outside world. I know he knows this; It's just understood.

One night leaving the bar I caught a glimpse of a boisterous crowd of men that were congregating around the pathway leading to my room. Rolling my eyes, I staggered forward, determined to avoid confrontation. It wasn't until I got closer that I realized that it was a group of captains and vice-captains carrying on…with my captain awkwardly standing in the middle. With a grin on my face I approached the group when a cool, brisk gush of wind gave me the chills. I could feel the tension in the air start to rise.

"Shh…you can't talk like that in front of _Captain_ Hitsugaya. He's still a child after all. I'll bet he hasn't even kissed a girl yet." Someone shouted. I was too drunk to remember who. There was a burst of laughter and I saw my captain's eyes hit the ground and build with anger. It broke my heart.

His peers were teasing him for being who he is…in public…where anyone could hear. I immediately decided to silence the snickering once and for all as I walked up to the men. "Hey, guys, it's Rangiku. What's up girl?" Someone said, as if to signal the others to keep quiet in my presence. I know they had been talking about me. Men are so easy to read. Glaring past him and ignoring his question I took my captain by the hand and pulled him out of the circle.

"Where have you been? I have been looking everywhere for you. Gosh, you sure to do know how to break a woman's heart. You use me then lose me…is that it?" I exclaimed, voice louder and more emotional than it needed to be. I tried my best to be melodramatic…more like the bimbo I was portrayed to be.

"Matusmoto, what are you…" His stammered as his eyes tried to read my motives.

"No…I will not take anymore excuses. Come on, I am willing to let you make it up to me. This is your 'get out of jail free card'. You hear me? Are you listening?" I cut him off before he ruined my plan with his overly analytical words.

Still puzzled he decided to play along. I am sure he thought I was too drunk to even know who I was and what I was doing….but I knew. I knew very well.

Turning to face the group of men we had just abandoned I flashed them a smile. Pleased with the dumbfounded looks on each of their faces I put my arm around my pint sized captain and continued to my room. I invited him in for a bit and we discussed the week's occurrences. Nothing was said about what had just happened.

The men that were taunting my dear Captain would most likely spread rumors about us, my Captain and I, but I didn't care. It would get them to stop teasing. The innuendo of the Captain sleeping with me would be what it took for them to see him in another light. They would treat him like a man. I was willing to take that blow…I would be labeled as the bimbo who slept with her boss. Oh, well.

At the first sign of dawn he rose from my sofa and headed for the door.

"That was really sweet, what you did for me, Matsumoto." He said with half a grin. "But now the rumors are going to start flying."He is such a worry wart. I didn't care. I would do anything to help him out. I will always have his back no matter what!

"Aww…don't mention it…and if it's any consolation we _**could**_ make the rumors come true, you know…when you feel you are up to it…I will make a man out of you yet." I said in a serious whisper, reaching up to brush his face with my hand. I waited for my words to sink in. A half of a second flat is all it took for him to turn his head away from me, slap my hand and blush. Damn, I am good! With that he turned and walked out…and with a sigh he said:

"G'night, Matsumoto."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N-wow…thanks for the reviews. You are all too kind. I didn't think anyone would even read it! Your support is appreciated. These short stories are in no particular order. They are just her random thoughts/memories…you get the point. Thanks for reading.**

**_(I don't own the characters…just the stories within…like you didn't already know)_**

****

****

****

* * *

**Why I drink**

Some men drink to remember. Some men drink to forget. I drink for neither reason.

To be frank...I just crave attention. Sometimes I feel the loneliness in my heart start to eat away at my core and I feel if I don't do something it will consume me entirely. My looks give me the wrong kind of attention and it bleeds into every area of my life. I am getting really sick of it. I just want a family. I want people that love me for just being me; no other reason what-so-ever.

Nothing gives me more joy than to walk into the bar and have half of the inhabitants asking me what took me so long to get there. It makes me happy to know that my appearance was anticipated and looked forward to. I love the sound of my name as it is chanted as I out drink my male counterparts. Everyone is happy and no one ever leaves me. I don't have to be afraid to blink my eyes only to realize they are all gone.

Perhaps I am doing myself a disservice and I am setting myself up to be taken advantage of. Maybe I am still subjecting myself to the wrong kind of attention but it is like an addiction; this insatiable hunger for attention…and I know just where to get it when I am feeling blue.

* * *

**Only for me to know**

_'He really could be sweet'_ I thought as he handed me a cup of warm tea. He was careful not to place the warm cup in my freshly bandaged left hand. Moments like these are what life is lived for.

"The bakers at 'da market were sellin' pies today. They sure did smell good." He remarked as he made his way over to me with the ingredients I was waiting to cook dinner with.

"They did?" I said in a jovial tone. Today was a good day. I had him here with me. The world made sense and the birds sang in the sky. "Wash up, dinner will be ready shortly."

After dinner, we sat in silence by the fire. Leaning back on him, I rested my head under his chin while his fingers explored ever strand of hair on my head. It was intoxicating, how safe I felt. I fell asleep in his arms. It was some of the most peaceful sleep I have ever had in my life.

I awoke with a start the next morning to the sound of birds chirping outside of the window. The day had already begun and I had slept through it. I rose to my feet and made my way to the door. Opening it wide, I called for him."Gin!?!" My voice still sleepy sounding as I ignored the tingle of the cool, fall air. As soon as his name left my lips a lone apple tree in the distance caught my eye and I recalled what he had said last night. He had said that the pie in the market had smelt good. I devised a plan.

I grabbed a basket from the kitchen and made my way over to the apple tree, vehemently. I wanted to have the pie baked for him by the time he came home, as a surprise. My nimble fingers worked diligently as I mixed the ingredients that would become the dough. All was going according to plan. I desperately hoped that he wouldn't come home to catch me in the act. Carefully, I peeled the apples and began to carve them into little wedges.

As I started to cut into the last apple my fingers slipped on the juice and my grip on the fruit faltered. My knife punctured my left palm.

"Ah!" I said aloud in a voice I did not recognize as my own. Panic overtook my senses. I turned to retrieve a towel, but I stumbled into awaiting arms. Startled, I jumped back and coaxed my eyes to focus on my intruder's face. I was caught.

"Oi, I can't leave ya alone, can I?" He took my hand into his to examine the self inflicted wound on my palm. "Look wut ya done to ya-self."

He sat me down at the table and then he disappeared into the kitchen. He emerged a few moments later with two pieces of cloth and a bowl of water and placed them on the table. Without a word he kneeled before me, grabbed my hand, and took great care to clean the wound. I watched in amazement as he treated me like a delicate piece of glass he was terrified to break. He secured the bandage and sealed it with a kiss. "All betta." He reassured me.

"Thank you." I said "I was trying to make you a pie."My eyes fluttered to the ground. I was too ashamed to look at him. I was ashamed that I got caught. I was ashamed that I had hurt myself. He was going to think I couldn't do anything right. I am such a fool. My thoughts were interrupted when he did not let go of my hand and instead made a trail of butterfly kisses, slowly up my arm. For once in my life I was speechless. When he reached the end of my arm he stopped to look me in the eyes. My heart skipped a beat. His finger tips traced my lips before they made their way to the nape of my neck to pull me to him.

His lips crashed on mine and my eyes closed from the impact. My arms embraced him as I melted into him. I let him explore my mouth with his fabled curiosity. We were drowning in each other. A moment later we came to the surface gasping for air. He wasted no time picking me up and carrying me to his room and gently laying me on his bed. He delicately made love to me for the first time.

Ordering me to stay put, I heard him fumbling around in the kitchen. I didn't know what he could be up to. He found his way back to me a moment later; the smell of a baking apple pie in the air. He sat down beside me and handed me a cup of warm tea. This is the side of him I rarely got to see and at first I was a bit angered by it. I had to tell myself to look at it in a different light. That man that had loved me had lied with the same mouth he kissed me with. I didn't understand how someone could do such a thing. Perhaps this side of him was something he reserved only for me to know and the rest of civilization not to.

* * *

**Take another look**

It was just my luck. It was the start of a really bad day. The clouds just emptied their wrath upon me while I made my way from my room to the office. My uniform, my hair…everything was soaked.

"Dammit!" I said in an agitated tone, to myself, as I opened the office door and flicked on the lights. I made my way over to my desk and pulled out a dry towel and a spare uniform from the bottom drawer. It was my emergency stash. I debated whether or not to wait out the storm. The ladies room was across the courtyard. Not willing to go back out into the rain I decided to just change in the office. I was really early coming into work that morning and The Captain wasn't supposed to come in until after lunch.

Carefully I removed the sopping wet clothes and tossed them aside. It was divine as I was able to replace my wet clothes with dry clothes piece by piece. I was almost finished getting dressed when I heard the door slide open with a loud thud. I jumped out of reflex.

"G'morning, Matsu…" His voice trailed off, his teal eyes unable to look away. As quickly as I could, I closed the front of my robes to cover my chest, but I was too late. I could tell by the red color his face had taken on that the damage was already done. I wanted to ask him "What the hell are you doing here?" but I refrained. I was so humiliated. Why do things like this always happen to me?

He regained his composure and stepped outside the door and into the hallway. He didn't make a sound. I finished dressing and fastened my robes with a bow. Feeling slightly awkward, I had to find a way to break the ice or this was just going to spiral out of control.

I slid the door open. "I'm sorry. I am ready now." I said in barely a whisper. He did not say a word. No, he just walked right by me, sat down at his desk and started shuffling papers around. With a sigh I made my way to my desk and began working quietly.

About fifteen minutes passed and not a word was spoken. I couldn't keep this up for much longer.

"Captain…" I said as if nothing had happened.

He hesitated. "What is it, Matsumoto?"

"Do you want to take another look?" I said as casually as if I were asking him to pass the salt at the dinner table.

With an exasperated sigh he replied. "Stop talking, Matsumoto." Not looking up to meet my gaze.

I contemplated my next phrase. It was the difference between extra work and learning to shut my mouth. I chose the former.

"Did you like them?" I said, stifling a laugh and preparing myself for the scolding that would surely follow.

I watched his eyes close at my statement and I heard his breath hitch. He thought long and hard about his response. Finally, he opened his eyes and pointed them at me with a smirk on his face. It was devilish and it made me uneasy. This isn't how it's supposed to work; it's supposed to be the other way around!

"They are wonderful, Matsumoto, the best I have ever seen."

My jaw dropped to the floor.

* * *

**Cuttin' a rug**

Nanao was the first female friend I had ever had. Some say it's strange but we don't think so…nor do we care. It would be an absolute delight to some people if they really knew how saucy she could be…but her secret is safe with me. Perhaps I am the outlying cause of her sassiness. I am always a bad influence, aren't I? I want her to fill her life with as much fun, happiness and love as she deserves. She is the sister I never had…until now.

One night when we were younger, before we had successfully made our mark as vice-captains, we decided that we would go out to eat…and then we would go "man" shopping. Nanao was feeling lonely and I have to admit I was too! The restaurant was buzzing with faces that we had not me. The other customers ate, drank and tapped their feet along with the beat of the salsa band that was playing that night. The summer night was pleasantly cool and it was a welcomed relief to the day.

Breaking the silence Nanao looked at me. "I'm bored!" She exclaimed in a whiney tone.

Stifling a laugh I replied in a mock hurt tone. "Uh, you're bored to be with me. Why I never…" sticking my tongue out at her.

"_Noooo_…I am just a bit disappointed that no one has come up to introduce themselves yet, is all." She said as her eyes trailed off into the distance. I could tell she wasn't focusing on anything in particular. "Why don't you flash your boobs? I bet that will get this place hopping."

"Nanao!" I yelled, unable to contain myself. She kept her eyes unfocused as a smirk rose on her lips. "Why don't you flash your boobs?" I inquired.

"_Because…_Rangiku…" Faux annoyance rising in her voice. "Look at me. There is nothing to get hopping."

We both erupted in laughter. "Oh, whatever." I blurted out. Truth be told, I was envious of her petite frame. She is so cute and little. I wished I could be more like her. I think it is ironic that she says the same thing about me. Why is it we always want what the other person has?

We sat in silence for a few moments. We both were taking in the sights and the sounds of the restaurant. I watched a couple twirl in each others arms and I desperately wanted to know what that felt like. To look into his eyes and have him look into mine and to have that connection with would be indescribable. Nanao claims that we were guy shopping for her…I already had someone. She was wrong. I don't have Gin. He has me….squashed in the palm of his hand. Don't get me wrong. I had a connection with him that no one could touch, but still, he isn't exactly a full-time lover. His whimsical, on again, off again personality was starting to really piss me off. Earlier that afternoon she said "But he always comes running back to you, that's all that matters." That could not suppress the aching in my heart. He did sweet things behind closed doors and I know a side of him no one else anywhere could hope to touch…but watching the couple on the dance floor I realized that that was how I wanted us to be. Sometimes I get the impression that our relationship is one sided; That he only took care of me out of pity and obligation but as soon as that thought appears in my head he does something to indicate that he…cares? Sometimes I would like grab him by the collar while screaming "Stop hurting me, asshole! Love me, damn you!" Perhaps that is to ask too much to ask of him.

"Let's blow this joint, Rangiku." Her voice shattered my thoughts. "Why don't we go back to my room so we can figure out what we are going to do with the rest of the evening? The night is young….and so are we."

We made our way to the Squad 8 Barracks and up to her room on the second floor. It was a clean and pleasant place, cheery flowers hung on her window sill as I made my way over to gaze out of the window at the street down below. It was dusk and people could be seen making their way home.

"Soooo…what do you want to do?" I asked, still peering out of the window. She stood by my side.

"I don't know. There is nothing _to_do." She said with a frown.

My eyes were fixed on nothing in particular as I rolled over in my mind options for the evening's entertainment. In the silence I was able to pick up on the faint sound of music in the distance. I made my way over to her balcony and opened the door. It was the music played by the salsa band in the restaurant we had just left.

"I know what we can do!" I yelled, pulling her out of her soporific state. "I will teach you to belly dance."

Nanao blinked twice and turned her head away. "I don't think so! I can't get my body to move like you can move yours. No! Absolutely not!"

"You can, and you will." I assured her opening the windows and the balcony door as far as it would go to let the sound in. I grabbed her arm and pulled her to the bedroom. I picked out a short length kimono, threw it at her and exited the room, shutting the door behind me. "You need to let go sometimes."

"Maybe you need to learn to hold on sometimes." I heard her say while fumbling around a bit.

"Ha!" I said in reply as I made my way to the bathroom. I freed my legs from their confinement and I hiked my robes up until they reached my mid thigh. Walking out of the bathroom I caught sight of Nanao who had emerged from the bedroom dressed like a vixen. I don't understand why she is so shy about her looks; she is beautiful. Any man would be lucky just to get a glance from her. On top of her devastatingly good looks she was definitely smarter than most men that I know. She will make someone really happy one day…and if he doesn't treat her right I will fuck him up beyond recognition. That is just the way it is.

I pulled her onto the balcony and told her to feel the rhythm of the band. I started off slow with hand movements. It was sunset and the street below was deserted. There wasn't a soul in sight. I began teaching her how to move her hips to the beat and she caught on really fast. The orange cast of the sunset accentuated her movements. It took only about thirty minutes for Nanao to learn the movements enough to mimic me. We became synchronized. It was fun. We were able to escape the world…there were no orders, no bosses, no men, no obligations to slow us down. Our night out turned into a girls' night in. We were two little girls trapped in womanly bodies; if only for the night.

The next day I walked with her to work. I followed her to the squad 8 building as it was on my way back to my own squad. Before we could reach the door it swung open and a figure appeared in the shadows within the building. Nanao's Captain, Captain Kyoraku, held the door for us with a big smile on his face.

"Good morning!" I said in a cheery voice but when I looked at his face he was not listening to a word I said. No, the captain's eyes were glued to Nanao. He looked her up and down in wide eyed fascination. What the hell got into him, I wondered.

He spoke up. "Are the accommodations that the squad has given you to your liking?"

Nanao snapped her head up to look him square in the eyes; shock written all over her face. I giggled internally. I glided past the two and walked into the building, giving them the impression of "being alone." I knew what he was up to. Nanao was being hunted. I was delighted for her. I had to watch.

"Oh, yes sir. I am very comfortable. The squad is too kind." She graced him with her warm smile as her eyes hit the ground in shyness. No sooner than the words left her mouth, he grabbed her hand and brought his face dangerously close to hers. I couldn't believe what I was seeing!

"I am glad that your room suits you, my sweet Nanao, and please let me know if you need anything."

"Yes, sir I…" She was interrupted.

"Please tell me, do you like the view from your balcony?"

Puzzled, she didn't respond. She just merely stared in disbelief.

"Because I sure do." He stated with emotion rising in his voice. (OMG!) With that statement he walked away, leaving her in a puddle of embarrassment and confusion. She looked in his direction and then turned her eyes toward me in utter annoyance.

"See what you did?" she asked me with a sharp edge on her tongue. I couldn't help but grin.

"Be careful of what you wish for, 'my sweet Nanao', you just might get it." I replied in all seriousness. She was the one complaining about not having male companionship and now here it is, in her face, and she rejects it? This girl is something fierce. "You can thank me later."

After our little encounter with Captain Kyoraku, Nanao's days at work became easier and she ascended the ranks at an astonishing rate. She complained all the time that he never let her do anything. I thought she was just being melodramatic. One day she made a comment that she wished he would stop his advances because she thinks he doesn't take her seriously. She had said that she feels that she has extra pressure to maintain all-out seriousness so that people wouldn't think that she flirted her way to vice-captain. She was tired of having to prove herself. Her statement tore at my insides. I knew what she really meant. She doesn't want to be seen as me…she wanted to be recognized for what she had accomplished and not how well she could fill out her uniform. I can't say that I don't understand her situation. I understand it very well. I told her that this incident had nothing to do with her ascending the ranks and if for some reason it did it's not like she wouldn't have made vice-captain anyway. So what if her progress was just expedited because her boss saw her belly dancing and fell in love with her. Who cares? I have learned that you have to take what you can, while you can. If you spend your life worrying about everyone's impression of you; you will end up with nothing. Things like that used to bother me too…but I learned to let go. I think she should be confident in herself. She is amazingly beautiful and amazingly smart. Why wouldn't every man in Seireitei want her? For someone who is so smart…she can be really silly.

About a week the belly dancing incident (As I so aptly call it) Captain Kyoraku, who spotted me in the bar, called me over for a drink, on him. I happily obliged. I was able to have an intelligent conversation for more than five minutes. I was impressed. About two hours into our powwow, he finally got to the reason for this meeting. Nanao. He asked me if I could help him "get the girl." I told him that it was Nanao's decision alone but I would talk to her and I would coax her in his direction. I also warned him that if he hurt her I would give him an ass-whooping beyond compare "with all due respect sir." He laughed as he looked down at his empty glass. "You're alright, Matsumoto, you know that? Nanao is lucky to have a friend like you." The captain and I still meet on Sunday nights to discuss progress on "Project Nanao." Not much has changed over the years.

I have never told her what her captain says about her when she is not around. I feel she will come around in her own time. Life is full of misconceptions about who we are on the inside. I just wish she wouldn't let her misconception get the best of her. She is missing out on a terrific guy.


	3. Chapter 3

Umm...yeah...I don't own the characters...just the stories within..like you didn't already know...oh and BTW these stories are in no particular order.They are random.

* * *

**Letting Go**

When you are sitting at rock bottom…sun beating down on your face…it dawns on you…you've got nothing left to lose. So what is the point of holding onto those people that used to be your world? Because even if you hold on to them, you're still at rock bottom and carrying their dead weight just makes it that much harder to climb back up.

I'm sorry.

Good-Bye.

* * *

**Life is not a joke**

"Life is not a joke, Matsumoto." He said to me through his teeth. His teal eyes flared against the harshness of his voice. I could tell something snapped in him from within and I was the cause. I was always the cause, never the effect.

I couldn't help but stare at him wide eyed and a bit unhinged. Life was a joke to me. One big fucking joke and I was the punch line. I didn't mean for my comment to come out as brash as it did. Sometimes I feel a bit jaded and I try and compensate with humor. Usually my crude humor serves me well to mask my pain in a cocoon of invisibility. I push buttons that I know will frustrate and infuriate to hide my own insecurity. This time it back fired.

"Dammit woman! Every time I drop my guard you are there to help me rebuild it. Why can you just let things be? Stop running your mouth for a change!"

I could feel his hot breath on my cheeks as we stood inside his apartment. He had my arms pinned above my head against the wall.

He hadn't been feeling well that day. He said that it was nothing major; he was just tired. I didn't believe him. I knew my Captain was suffering from a broken heart. I know his pain. It's agonizing to watch someone you love suffer a fate worse than death. The body remains but the mind is lost in a sea of confusion and all you are left with is the shell of a person that you once loved. It's Earth shattering to realize that even though you can still see, hear, touch and smell that person they are still out of your reach. I know that pang of loneliness like the back of my hand. I brought him dinner to take his mind off of the situation and reassure him that I have not changed. I would be there to help him with whatever he needed. It was more than my job, to back him up, it was my pleasure.

"You feeling better?" I yelled to him as I collected the dirty dishes.

"I am much better now thanks to you. I appreciate it." He said with content in his eyes. I smiled at him. I am glad that my mission was a success.

It was dusk and the setting sun gave his apartment a heavenly glow. I walked over to join him on the couch. He let out a content sigh. We sat silent as the light danced across the walls, casting distorted shadows of everything in its wake. The silence was shattered by his voice.

"You are too good to me you know that? I am going to end up spoiled."

"I only spoil you because you are way too hard on yourself. You need to lighten up. Everything can't be all serious; you'll miss out on the good things in life." I said matter-of-factly. "I think you deserve more than that."

He pondered my words for what seemed like an eternity. I could see the muscles in his face fluctuate with every coming thought. I wondered what he could be thinking about.

"I want to tell you…" He began as he reached up to brush the hair out of my eyes, nimble fingers lingering on my cheeks. "…that you are a gift to me. Who knows where I would be without you. You have a knack for pulling me out of my sadness. You lost Gin and I've lost Momo. Please, tell me that we will not lose each other."

I stopped breathing for a moment or two. Did I hear right? The words rolled off of his tongue and into my ears with a passionate undertone. It was so unlike him. Maybe he really was sick. This situation was becoming uncomfortable. I tried to hide my vulnerability by exposing his. I laughed nervously.

"Aww…Captain…if I didn't know any better I would think that you are falling in love with me…but I know that you would _never _let a thing like that happen now would you?" I teased. My mouth went dry. I didn't get a chuckle out of him. All I got was a cold stare. His eyes fell to the floor and then looked back up to me. He then stood up and walked over by the window to spy on the moon that was just coming into view. The aftermath of my destructive words was apparent in the set of his jaw. I couldn't believe it. He must think I am a bitch. He was trying to tell me that he loved me and I made fun of him. I jumped off of the couch to join him at the window. I ran up behind him, slid my arms around his waist and pressed my face against his. He did not move. He just kept staring outside.

"Captain, I…"

Before I could finish my sentence he had me pinned, with my hands above my head, against the wall. We both remained silent…looking into each other's eyes for a shred of acceptance. I found a surfeit of love. I would be lying if I said that I remember the exact moment his lips free fell onto mine. It just happened.

The whole time he was kissing me I thought about how much we are alike and how scandalous this relationship would be. I would prove everyone right. I _am _ridiculous. I_ should_ be ashamed…but I am not. I want to be loved too! I cannot be contained in a box that is shaped for anyone but me…and neither could he…to hell with them all. When he pulled away I kept my eyes closed. I was too afraid to let him look into my eyes and see the scared little girl that I really am. His grip on my wrists remained tight. I had never been that terrified in my life. I would much rather ride into battle than expose the bitter nakedness of my soul to him. I wasn't prepared for such an advance. He caught me off guard. Damn him, now I am going to have ideas of love and happiness. Fantasies I had long forgotten. I had gotten used to being an undesirable soul in a desirable shell. I took a moment to collect my thoughts after the whirlwind of unpredictability I had just experienced. Since when did I become a person instead of a play thing? I wanted to believe that it could be real, that someone could love me, but I was having a really hard time.

"Captain, if you wanted to practice your moves you should have just told me in the first place."

My words were not welcomed. He pressed my wrists harder against the wall and his lips found my ears.

"Life is not a joke, Matsumoto."

It is to me.

* * *

**Get your eyes checked**

It was a beautiful summer day. The sun was shining high in the sky. Life couldn't get much better…at least that is what I thought until I found out that it was my day off as well as Gin's. We decided to spend it together.

"Ah. Vice Captain Matsumoto." He sounded pleasantly delighted to see me.

"Captain Ichimaru." I said trying to suppress my giddiness. It had been so long and I have to admit I had forgotten what his voice sounded like. Our lives were full of things that we thought separated us from who we were as children. We were dirty, no good, street rats and we knew it and yet fate smiled upon the two of us. We were rescued. I was rescued for the second time in my life. We had to continually prove that we deserved to be there and that we were no longer those dirty kids we once were.

We made our way to the top of a hill. The view was outstanding. Problems seemed to be nonexistent at this elevation. He latched onto my arm and made his way over to a tree. He settled himself under it pulling me down with him. I let my back lean into his chest. I couldn't remember the last time we had been that way.

He nuzzled against my neck and tightened his grip around my waist.

"Why ya so good ta me?" He questioned as he placed a kiss on my cheek. "Why ya always here fo' me?"

That statement was unexpected.

"What's gotten into you?" I said with an amused smirk. I cocked my head back and raised an eyebrow in his direction.

"Just wonderin'. "

Since when did he ponder the wonders of the world?

"Because I can see the good in you." It was true. I could still see him for what he was to me. He could be unbelievable considerate. He was selfless. I know what he had given up for me when we were kids. He was my friend, my father, my protector and my lover. He was everything to me.

He chuckled as my words crashed into his ears. He leaned forward, his lips barely touching my ear.

"I think you should get your eyes checked. One day I'll be ya one regret." I didn't understand his statement then, but I do now.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N-These stories are in no particular order and I don't own the characters…just the stories within…like you didn't already know.

* * *

**The three stooges**

I am convinced that watching them would be just as fun sober as it is when I'm drunk but I haven't been strong enough to test my theory. We eat, drink and are merry….until someone passes out.

**The touchy-feely dunk****, Hisagi.** Alcohol bypasses his stomach and goes straight to his hands, giving them a gravitational pull toward my waist, hair and shoulders. He always insists on sitting next to me at our table. Did you know that something (or rather someone) could both flatter you and suffocate you simultaneously? Neither did I until I met him.

"You know, Rangiku, you smell like a girl." He told me once. I don't know if I was more put off by his blatantly drunken remark or the fact that he admitted that he had been sniffing my hair for about an hour. It was something that I was trying to ignore and attribute to the alcohol. I looked him deep in the eyes and lightly pushed back on his forehead with my own.

"I am a girl you genius, you however, are drunk." I laughed as I pulled away from him. In a move that was way too fast for a dunk man he reached up to stroke my face with the back of his hand, catching me off guard.

"Uh…uh…no…I…uh….no I'm not…I…I…I…forget." He stammered. I couldn't help but roll my eyes as I laughed internally. "Ugh!" He cried in frustration as he covered his head in his hands.

"Hey, hey. What's the matter?" I remarked as I patted his head. He threw his arms around me in mock confusion and he cradled his head on my chest. "Heeey, now!!!" I warned.

"I'm…. so lost…I….need you….to help….me." I could hear the desperation in his voice. Then he passed out. With a sigh I put my arms around him and pressed him closer to my heart. I held him there for a good while.

"Join the club." It was the only bit of advice I could offer him.

**The ANGRY drunk, Ikkaku.** It's no secret that I love to push buttons. I get unexpected glee from making someone flustered…just because I can. In terms of whose buttons are more fun to push, my Captain would be first and Ikkaku would be second.

He tries to put on a façade of lethal vitality, poised to kill. His drinking stance is a facetious calm over his face and a bottle in each hand. "What a goober." I think to myself with a smile as I look across the table at him. He is seducing a crowd with his vulgar language directed at some guy who was visibly too afraid to approach the table. I watched as a vein on his head became enflamed and his nostrils flared. It took all the strength I had to stifle a laugh.

"Look man, I don't want any trouble, I said I was sorry!" The man timidly yelled across the bar. The fear was apparent in his big, brown, bulging eyes. "I didn't mean anything by it, honest."

"Well, if you didn't mean it…then why'd you say it?" Anger was building up in his throat making his voice husky. Ikkaku looked like a lion ready to pounce.

"Look man…if I would have known she was with you I would have never said anything. I'm sorry man." He said pointing at me. I shrugged my shoulders at Ikkaku.

"Don't try and change your story now."

"I'm not! I told her she needs to come back to my place with me and I realize that it was a foolish thing…."

"Stop!" Ikkaku said with confusion. "What the hell is he talking about, Matsumoto? Is he telling the truth? I may be drunk but something is off here."

I smiled. "Uh, well, Sparky over there thought he was funny when he was grabbing at me a few moments ago. I don't see him laughing now!" I said matter-of-factly.

"So you mean to tell me that I have been heckling this guy and he didn't actually call me 'baldy?'"

"Well…someone has to defend my honor…I figured you would rise to the occasion. Don't you want to put your power to good use? Besides…it doesn't mean he wasn't thinking it."

"Good? Like what, Rangiku? Perhaps strangling you?"

"Oh, calm down baldy, no one go hurt."

**Kira, the depressed drunk.** Kira is the only person I know that is more depressed when he drinks than when he is sober. Even so I have a special bond with him. We both have stab wounds on our hearts inflicted by the same sword. Though these wounds were derived from the same blade the technique in which the blade was wielded is very much different.

Poor, poor Kira. Poor whelp of a half a man. It was Gin who made him that way and it was Gin that broke him, snapped him in half like a twig. Not so much unlike what Gin did to me. I feel terrible for him. I take him to the bar, despite objections, because I want him to start living. He has got to learn that there was life before Gin and there will be life after him. That is what Gin doesn't want anyone to know. I only figured it out when it was too late. Sometimes I shake him around or dance on him in hopes of snapping him out of his dream-like state. It never works. Usually he just keeps to himself with a bottle in one hand and a tattered heart in the other.

"Matsumoto…" He said after everyone else had abandoned the table.

"Hmmm?"

"How…How did you move on so quickly?" He asked in an exacerbated tone. He stared up at me like a child.

"I didn't." I said flatly. He raised an eyebrow. "It is going to be easier for you to forget the betrayal of your ex-captain than it will be for me to forget the betrayal of my best friend but you have to make it happen. It isn't just going to happen overnight. You will be okay. You just need to start living your life again. He doesn't have as much power over us as we let him think he had…so let's make a pact to start living our lives for ourselves! Agreed?"

"Agreed. But can't I live my life sober now?" He asked.

"No! Drink up!"

* * *

**My**** really bad day**

I had reached my limit. I wasn't going to take it anymore. There was no way I could stomach this bad day if it kept coming at me with the same velocity as it had been up until that point.

For starters I had overslept and well, let's be honest, it's not like I was in a big hurry to come to work but still…moving on. I also had a really bad crick in my neck. I must've slept wrong in the bed I couldn't pry myself out of! It was the start of a horrible day.

It was office work day. Translation: "Stuck in a small room with my even smaller, frigid boss and listening to him sigh and moan while simultaneously sucking the life out of my veins as I tried my best to keep from dozing off." I was not in the mood for his self-righteous antics. "Shut up, Matsumoto." "That's not funny, Matsumoto." "Don't touch me, Matsumoto.""Grow up, Matsumoto." (Yeah, like he is one to talk! When he can look me in the eye standing up then maybe I'll consider it!) Just thinking about it gives me a headache!

I was supposed to have lunch with Nanao…but "something" popped up at the last minute, with her captain. Uh, yeah, I just bet it did. And so, my lunch plans were ruined. My usual entourage was out training or being ridiculous…maybe both. I was not willing to let my captain ruin the rest of my day so I opted to just eat alone.

I sat in the courtyard and pondered my day thus far. I decided that I wasn't going to take anymore bad news. The next person that crosses me should beware. I ate my lunch in relative peace. The courtyard was under renovation. There was a crew of about 5 men repainting the tables and chairs in a snow white color. It was going to be beautiful, a nice peaceful place to think. I couldn't wait for it to be completed. I would be there to ruin the tranquility.

My day got worse as I trudged back to the office. Now I am used to people staring and pointing at me. It comes with the territory of being….me….but the laughs and snickers were more pronounced than usual. This wasn't funny. Everyone was laughing at me. I felt my face burn with embarrassment as the possibilities of what they all could be talking about ran through my head. Had someone made up a rumor about me? Had I done something that I was not aware of? I started to panic and feared the worst as I rushed through the office door.

Seeing that my Captain was still glued in place I turned my face away from him as I closed the door to hide the horror I knew was written upon it.

"Causing hate and discontent again?" I heard him say in a monotone and rhetorical manner.

"Uh, NO!" I said too quickly in my own opinion. It sounded guilty. "Just felt like a jog is all. Office day always takes a lot out of me and I don't want to lose my sanity by becoming sedentary." I smiled as I turned to him. The irritation evident in his eyes as the last word escaped my lips. I didn't mean it to offend him but he wouldn't have believed me even if I had told him so. I started to make my way over to my desk.

"Do you ever feel as though you are not taken seriously, Matsumoto?" He asked coolly, stopping me dead in my tracks.

"All the time, Captain, why do you ask?" I was so touched by the concern of his question my heart skipped a beat. I think he knew it.

"I was just wondering. Why do you think that is?" This time he sounded more like a psychiatrist.

Honestly, I didn't know how to answer that question. There were many reasons that came to mind. There were some reasons I was proud of and some reasons…not so much. I pondered a moment or two before I replied.

"Well, there are a lot of reasons people don't take me seriously and most of them are my fault." I admitted. "There's the drinking, the people I associate with and my quirkiness that sometimes gets me looked at the wrong way. I know that. I do these things to get noticed but most of the time I get noticed for the wrong reasons. It makes me wonder if the joke is really on me or not. I mean…I did achieve the goal I had set out to accomplish. Bad attention is better than no attention, right? Then there is my body. People don't take me seriously because they objectify me. Just because I have boobs doesn't mean I sleep around but it doesn't matter. People are so quick to judge before knowing why people act the way that they do. I don't think it matters what I do people are going to think what they want to. It's unfair. I try not to let it bother me but I am finding it to be impossible. Like just now, everyone that I walked by was snickering at me. It really upsets me, Captain. I don't know what I did to deserve this."

I could feel one renegade tear burn its way down my face. His question broke me like a twig. He leaned back in his chair and folded his hands behind his head.

"Well, how do you think you can fix the situation?" He questioned.

"I…I don't know. You seem to take me seriously…more seriously than most people do anyway. What do you think I could do?"

He leaned forward in his chair and rested on his arms. "Well, for starters you can stop worrying about what everyone wants you to be. You just need to be happy with yourself. You are perfectly fine the way you are." He explained with half a wink. "Secondly, you need to go home and change. There is white paint all down the back of your uniform."

I was mortified. I should have just stayed in bed.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N-Funny, I have only just begun writing again after a two-year hiatus that was triggered by a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. I was so depressed and not myself. Now…I am not sure how to write my own characters anymore so I am having some fun writing Rangiku…until I get over my writer's block (or rather character block). I find it easy to relate to her character. She is just all over the place, pretty, fun, witty and zany! She is a writer's dream! I just need some character development practice.**

**Vacant Eyes asked me if I am a fan of the Hitsu/Matsu variety. Honestly, I don't believe that ANYONE deserves Rangiku. (I know I am really biased.) However, when I thought about it logically (no that wasn't an earthquake! It was me thinking.) I think that the Hitsu/Matsu pairing would be the most practical. Here is my argument. See, its going to take Rangiku some time to get over the ass…I mean Gin. When she does finally decide to have another relationship it's going to have to be with someone that she knows will not betray her trust. By the time she figures out herself I am sure that Toshiro will have grown up a lot. I think its funny how some people make it into a "Mary Kay Letourneau" affair. It's just a story people…and last time I checked Vili Fualaau didn't have a job nor lead a squad of anything so…whatever. Toshiro is young but he is not a baby. I also have faith that one day Lil' Shiro will figure out that Moo Moo…I mean Momo is a nut job. (That whole "save Aizen" speech really pissed me off!) In this way I think that Rangiku and Toshiro will have something in common. Their childhood friends have gone insane. I think it would be a gradual thing that hits them one day…like "Hmm…we're in love? When did this happen?" So in short (I jest!) I don't mind this pairing…I think it's cute. I'm just not much of a fluffy romance writer.  
**

**I did promise Vacant Eyes a Hitsu/Matsu romance a while back, though. I was able to concoct a story…but it was depressing and I am trying to shy away from that…so…I trashed it. (Maybe one day I'll clean it up and post it.) It has proven hard to find time in between my job and college so it has taken me a while to write a story that is worthy of the light of day. I have never been much of a lifetime movie network romance writer but I thought it would be fun to implement my argument in fluid form. (Can't tell I am a pre-law student, can you?) So anyway…fun, fluffy, ewwy gooey smut. I never back down from a challenge.**

**If you don't agree with my reasoning…don't be offended. It's just my opinion. But I had fun writing this story and getting all imaginative again! Thanks Vacant Eyes for all of your words and I hope you aren't too disappointed by my sappy attempt at romance. Warning…I was extremely looooong winded! It probably should have been its own story…but oh well…**

**Oh, and, btw…I don't own the characters…just the stories within…like you didn't already know!**

* * *

**Finish what you start**

'The years had been kind to him.' I observed as he instructed our new recruits in the ways of our division. He is no longer that stoic boy I had known many years ago. Furrowed brows were replaced with gentle lines that framed magnificent orbs of light. His face, still serious, was now fuller and accented his personality well. And his mouth, his reserve of strength, he now allows to curl into a smile at least once a day. I'd like to think that I had something to do with that. The biggest change however is the fact that he now looks down upon me. I love looking up to his handsome face. The years had been kind to him. He deserved some kindness after all that he had been through.

"And if you have any questions you can speak to Vice Captain Matsumoto or me. We have an open door policy…" His words made me smile. We do have an open door policy, even with each other. I have confided in him more than I probably should have. Our friendship transcends rank.

"So does anyone have any questions before we call it a day?" He asked with infectious pride. He is visibly comfortable in his own skin. I had to admit I was ready for that day to end. We had spent the day on the training grounds with nothing but sand at our feet and the sun beating down on our heads. It was time to go.

One guy timidly raised his hand. I could tell that he would be our newest worry. He was thin and frail, not at all the type I would think would pick this lifestyle, but I could tell that he made up for his gawkiness with a lot of heart.

"Yes?" My Captain said.

"Could you demonstrate some maneuvers for battle? I would like to learn what you and the Vice Captain could teach; Can you do that, please?"

My Captain looked back at me and I nodded in approval. Why not?

We took our positions on the training field. I watched him watch me as I mouth the words "Catch me if you can." Then he charged, sword drawn, and aimed at my head. Metal clashed as I raised my sword in defense.

"You want me? Come and get me." I teased in a voice that was only audible to him. His eyes narrowed at my comment as I slid out from under his attack.

"Now boys, when someone charges at you _lethargically_ then you can fluctuate your spirit energy to momentarily distract the aggressor." I announced and demonstrated. As my Captain flinched I brought my leg up to kick him back but he recovered fast and caught my kick mid air.

"But don't do like Vice Captain Matsumoto just did and leave yourself open for a counter attack." He said as his eyes burned into me. He pulled my leg toward him and caused my balance to waiver. I had no choice but to hop closer to him. He held my leg over his hip indecisively. I could see it in his eyes. He didn't know what he was going to do next. I took advantage of the situation. Using my free leg I propelled myself forward and wrapped it around his waist and I allowed my arms to snake around his neck. He fell backward as my weight came crashing down on him. I tried to grab my sword but two hands pinned my arms to the side; my legs straddled his hips.

"Secondly, don't get too hasty like the Vice Captain did here." He commanded as he rolled us over so that he was on top. "Patience wins battles and it could save your life."

I hate to admit that over the years my words lost their shock value with him but occasionally I could force his eyebrow to raise and his cheeks to burn. Sometimes I lose and sometimes I win. Well, I suppose I can't win them all; or could I?

"Aww…you just wanted to be on top." I whispered in his ear and I felt his grip on my arms tighten. "Just like a man, always has to be in control. Fine, I'll be submissive…this time." I taunted. A low growl escaped his lips as he tried hard no to let me seep under his skin.

"Fine woman, I'll play your game." He finally gave in.

"Thirdly…" He announced with a wide smile. "When you have the upper-hand inflict the finishing blow quickly. Speed can win battles as well." He then yanked me up by my arms and spun me around into a choke hold. I could smell him as his arms engulfed me. I was drowning in a sea of desire as his crisp scent filled my lungs and my legs went weak.

"What are you going to do now, Vice Captain?" He said to me in a hushed voice. I laughed internally. My Captain has come out of his shell. I love playing games with him. Life is like a tug-of-war match and I love when he tugs back. It was at this moment I realized that we are just alike. We are both misunderstood souls that found understanding within each other.

"O-ver con-fi-dence!" I exclaimed as I snaked my leg around his and then straightened it; causing him to topple backward. He released me to brace himself for the fall. "Will ensure defeat. Never underestimate an opponent no matter how weak they may look." I advised as I drew my sword and positioned it at his neck. It took me a split second to realize that his sword was placed above my heart. I narrowed my eyes at him as he mouthed the words 'check mate.'

With a wide grin I turned my head to the men and said "Sooo…I think that's enough for today."

I took a step back as my Captain brushed the sand off of his uniform. He examined all of the faces our new recruits. Their faces all contained surprised expressions and their jaws hung low."Dismissed." My Captain said.

"That was amazing! I am glad I chose to be apart of this squad. You two are amazing fighters. Wow, amazing!" The gawky newcomer explained as he fought his way through the crowd to acknowledge us, my Captain and me.

"Thank you." I replied.

I walked, with the Captain, back to the office. We still had a few things to finish up before we could go home for the day.

"Well that was different." I explained as I closed the office door behind us. He smiled and looked me deep in the eyes. It was unnerving. It was like he wanted to say something to me. When he didn't speak up, I did.

"You realllly took a lot out of me, Cap'n." I couldn't help but let out an exaggerated giggle. I had to relieve the tension between us. He didn't respond to my comment, instead he walked over to his desk and began working quietly. I was puzzled. What was with the cold shoulder all of the sudden? I chose to ignore him and I made my way over to my desk and plopped in my chair. I attributed his icy demeanor to stress. I wasn't going to let him ruin the rest of my day, however.

"I think we lucked out, Captain. There are some good men that joined our squad; don't you think?" I boasted, breaking the ice that was emanating from his direction.

"Shut up, Matsumoto. If you're talking, you're not working." He said flatly in a tone that ripped at my heart. What had I done to deserve this frost bite? I walked over to his desk and leaned over in attempt to make eye contact with him. He would not look up at me. He didn't say a word. My heart sank and my mind scrambled for a clue as to what I had done to anger him. I started to walk back to my desk but then an idea hit me. He would not win this round.

I sat on the corner of his desk and faced him. When he did not generate a reaction I laid back, covering the reports he was inspecting. With an angry sigh he slammed his hand on the desk and screamed my name in utter annoyance. "MATSUMOTO!!!" The tone in his voice made me flinch. "GET OFF NOW!"

"Captain. What is wrong? You can tell me." I was sure that I could help him resolve whatever was ailing him.

"Get off now, Matsumoto, I am not going to tell you again." In defiance I stared into his eyes that were seething with frustration. I couldn't comprehend what he was saying. I tried to scan his eyes for a clue but I found not one. I sat up and slid forward to descend from his desk. I heard him speak. It was barely a whisper. I am not sure if it was really meant for my ears or if the words escaped his lips on their own accord. "That is what I hate about you."

His words caused me to freeze in place with their icy attack on my soul. How could he say such at thing? "What? What you hate about _me_? What do you hate about me, Captain? Tell me what I did." I said. I couldn't hide the desperation in my voice. I couldn't bring myself to turn and look him in the eyes. All I could do is sit there, frozen in time.

"You never finish what you start. You try and take the easy way out and when that doesn't work you give up. I hate that you are a quitter, Matsumoto. You are so much better than that."

He might as well have run me through with his sword. I tried to catch the shards of my broken heart but they scattered in all directions. He stood up and made his way around his desk to face me. I couldn't bring myself to meet his gaze. He leaned forward, closing the distance between us. I could feel his hot breaths on my cheek as I swallowed hard; I was shaken by the mere inches that separated us. I had been this close to him before. Over the years I had embraced him more times than I could count, so why was this different. I shivered at he spoke. "What am I to you?"

At his statement I turned to look him in the eyes. How was I supposed to answer a question like that? What answer was he expecting? He was my boss, my squad member, my mentor, my…my…my confidant. I desperately tried to find the right words to describe what he means to me. When I took too long to respond he backed away from me sharply. "Ha…just as I thought, you are just a flirt. You juuust can't help yourself, can you? Insufferable woman."

I couldn't believe it. After all of our years together this is what he thought of me? Is this what he equates our relationship to; a few empty jokes? This couldn't be right. Surely he had to know that my jokes were laced in love and admiration. Surely.

He turned to walk away from me in disgust but I caught his wrist instinctively. He looked back at me surprised. It was involuntary…like breathing, the way the words fell from my lips. "I love you." I said simply. "I've always loved you. How could you not know that?" It was a realization unbeknownst to even me. How long had I loved him, I wondered? When did he penetrate my heart? It was a deep, dark and gloomy place left tattered by the lover before him. It had gone unattended for so long; who in their right mind would want a desolate heart like mine? But my Captain wasn't in his right mind, was he? He too had been ripped apart. I wondered if his heart was as unused as mine.

He pulled away from my grip with a flick of his wrist. "Don't start what you can't finish, Matsumoto."

Offended by his remark I instantly regretted sharing my realization with him. I felt the anger build up in my stomach; and he says that I am insufferable. "Well then…" I crossed my arms over my chest. "What am _I_ to you?"

I could tell that he had rehearsed his answer ahead of time. It required no thought. "You are the love of my life." I heard him say in a melancholy tone, as if it were a bad thing. "But clearly it is one-sided."

"How can you say that? I just told you that I love you. Is that not good enough for you?" I interjected. His eyes fell pensively to the floor. After a moment his eyes fluttered shut as if it was the only way to keep his thoughts in his head. I heard him sigh in a futile attempt to calm his heart rate. "Am I not good enough?" I added.

His eyes met mine once again. I desperately scanned his icy orbs for something to warm my soul. It proved useless as his words met my ear. "I want you to prove it to me. Follow through, Rangiku. I don't think you can."

I have to admit that I love the way that my name rolled off of his tongue. If he wanted proof, then proof he would have. I grabbed his robes and pulled him closer to me. I allowed my lips to hover just over his. "I don't know how you were able to sneak into my heart but the damage is done. I can't escape you." As soon as the words left my mouth, my lips found his. He tasted of sweet honeydew. I curled my arms around his neck as he coaxed me to lie back on the desk. He didn't mind that papers went flying in all directions. He pulled back causing me to release his robes.

"How did this go unnoticed for so long?" He wondered aloud as he laced his fingers with mine. In one quick movement he pinned my hands just above my head. He began to ravage my neck with his wanton kisses; one by one they threatened to break my self control. He worked his way down my neck, over my jaw and he paused as he hovered over my chest. His eyes met mine as if to ask permission. It was the point of no return. This was the end of our time as friends and the beginning of something more. I released myself from his grip and untied my robes slowly. I wanted him to watch me as I allowed myself to follow through on him. I know that he understood what I was giving up.

I have to admit that I was really nervous. It had been many years since I had felt this way. I couldn't help but feel vulnerable as I opened my robes to invite him in but his words made my insecurities disappear. "Simply beautiful." He said as he took one of my breasts in his mouth, teasing it with his tongue. I gasped in delight as I allowed my hands to explore his hair; soft, thick, perfect hair. His touch was absolutely sublime. I had forgotten what it was like to be touched by a man. I wasted no time indulging in his sweet caresses.

He made his way down to my stomach carefully, as if I were made of glass. All of this attention made me lightheaded. It was almost too much to handle. His lips caught mine again in a heated kiss once more. I wanted him more than I had wanted anything else and when his hips grinded against mine I was made aware of how much he wanted me, too. I sat up, careful not to break the kiss, determined to liberate him from his clothing. He obliged.

He gasped against my lips as my fingers danced upon his chest; his robes fell to the floor. I loved how his muscles flexed underneath my touch. I wanted to prove to them how much I loved them too. I allowed my kisses to trickle down his neck and float down to his stomach; then ascend back up. I could feel his heartbeat on my lips as I climbed higher still. Would there be any room in there for me, I wondered?

He allowed his fingers to weave around my hair. It was soothing to feel him comb through my hair with care and tenderness. I surrendered to his lullaby. I reached up to touch his face, I wanted proof that he was real, that I wasn't hallucinating. His lips brushed mine. I felt his hands wander down to my hips and tease the waistband of my pants. "You want me, come and get me." I said slyly. It seemed to be all he needed to act on his desires.

Pressing hard on my lips he forced me down on to his desk. "I need you to help me." I said, sounding more seductive than I intended to. "Take them off, I want to feel you inside of me…hurry." Slowly he moved his hands lower and lower taking my pants with them. He kissed my ankles as the last bit of my clothing hit the floor.

"You truly are a goddess." He claimed as he planted kisses on my thigh. "A living work of art." The speed at which he was moving was agonizing. I wanted him…sooner rather than later. I sat up to grab at his pants but he smacked my hands away. "Uh-uh, Stay as you are."

I leaned back on my elbows and I watched in awe as he exposed himself completely to me. It was magnificent. He was magnificent. "Hurry." Was all I could say.

I could tell that he was just beginning to comprehend what this would do to our relationship. He looked at me pensively. I hate when he does that. "I'm waiiiiting." I sang. Impatient hands found my hips as eager lips roamed my neck, my ear, my, my…I couldn't tell anymore. It was intoxicating; it was like he was going to devour me whole. I was taken by surprise when I felt him enter me. Who knew that he would be able to fill the void within me? He felt so good and tasted so wonderful, I didn't know if I would ever allow him to let go.

Together we moved in synch, our actions complimenting one another. It was just like it has always been; a balance of hot and cold, night and day. He moved easily within me, daring not to stop lest to find that it wasn't real. With one final thrust I felt him explode inside me and the world began to shake around me. Wave after delicious wave overtook my senses. Heavenly bliss, he was. He collapsed on my chest with a content sigh. Trying my best to calm my heart rate I kissed his forehead and stroked his hair. We remained motionless in each other's arms, each refusing to let go. I held onto him tightly.

When my body stopped shuddering and my breathing returned to normal I could feel his heart beat on my chest. I decided that there might be some room in there for me after all. Lovingly I twisted my fingers around his spikes and asked. "So, did I follow through enough for you?"

He let out a hearty laugh. It was devilish and bold. I kind of liked it. "It'll do for now, woman, but you may need to remind me again in five minutes."

'Just like a man' I thought to myself 'only satisfied when a woman is between his legs. But at lease from now on I would have no problem finishing what I started.'

"Not a problem, Captain, not a problem."


	6. Chapter 6

**When the division is a rockin', the fans come a knockin'…is that how it works? Ha ha ha…wow…lots of feedback… thanks! If I would have known that sooner I would have had him throw her over the desk in the first chapter. (I love being a writer…I'm Queen of the world…) Ha ha ha…thanks for all of the reviews (I don't know how I was able to leave the house with how much my ego grew) and the well wishes…I am feeling much better, now. I had fun picking apart Rangiku's character and exploring what it would be like to be her…this time around it's a bit more serious…the past haunts us all…bum bum bummmmm…..**

**And as always I don't own the characters, just the stories within, like you didn't already know.**

* * *

**The wig seller's daughter**

I can't help but wonder sometimes how my life would have been had I gotten my wish. It was habitual, the way that I prayed that his feet would find their way back to me. It worked most of the time.

He wanted it. I could tell but he would never surrender to his frivolous whims. If I could have cashed in all of the good deeds I had done in my life up until then surely I would have had enough to get it for him, but life does not work that way. You cannot buy toys with kindness and so, on the shelf, the big yellow ball would stay.

He left at dawn; chased away by the rising of the sun. I pretended to still be asleep. When I was sure he was far enough away, I made my move.

In between a vegetable cart and a pottery maker, there worked a wig maker. He was kind. He was always able to make me laugh with the way that his mustache curled into his cheeks as he talked. "Hellllo, pretty lady." He would say to me every morning with a twinkle in his brown eyes. I would smile and wave with one hand while Gin pulled me away with the other.

"My daughter sure is jealous of you." He said to me one morning, when Gin had wandered ahead of me.

"Me? Why?" I inquired. It didn't make any sense to me. Why would someone be jealous of a tall, gangly dirty, run-down little girl?

"She wishes she were a redhead. Every morning when you walk by she says 'daddy, make me a wig like her hair' then I have to explain to her that in order to make her a wig, someone with red hair will have to be willing to give up her hair. 'Why would a person blessed with such beautiful hair give it up?' I asked her." He said jovially. That conversation stuck with me. It was a proposition.

I had been trying to grow it out. With length came bustling waves that stopped mid-back. It still wasn't as long as I wanted it to be. It didn't matter though. I had made up my mind and not even my thoughts would deter me. I loved him and I wanted to show him with a grand gesture. And so, with each step I grew more determined as I made my way through crowds of morning shoppers. Besides, it would grow back…eventually.

I arrived at the wig maker's store, just before it opened. He answered the door with a knowing smile. "Hello, pretty lady. Can I help you?"

"I would like to sell my hair to you." I said with a tinge of sadness.

"Are you sure?" He asked. "It's going to be a big change for you." I straightened my stance to assume a more grown up appearance. I knew it was going to be a huge change but he proposed and I accepted. I didn't see a problem.

"I'm aware of what I am doing. You don't need to worry with me."

The wig maker put his arms around my shoulders and led me over to a chair in the middle of his studio. He then went to a desk that was behind where I was sitting and retrieved a comb and a pair of scissors. "Where is your little friend boy?" He asked while combing the knots out of my hair.

"He went for a walk, he'll be back soon." I bluffed as I sat up straighter in the chair. "Any minute now."

"Well, if I were him I would never let you out of my sight. I'd be too afraid that someone would steal you away from me." He claimed with seriousness in his tone. "But you would never leave him would you, pretty lady?"

"Never." I said with ferocious fervor in my voice. I meant it when I had said it but sometimes when you are young and the world is so big you think you can handle anything. Never seemed like no big deal. I would have been happy to just hold onto that good heart I know he has within him; a heart he refuses to let even himself see. What a tragedy.

"Okay, pretty lady, Here I go." He announced as I felt him grip my hair. I felt the scissors glide through my curls like a hot knife through butter. It was agonizing. I felt my femininity slip away from me. My poor hair was no more. I felt tears begin to swell within my eyes but I blinked them away. It was my gesture of appreciation and I would not let a tear or two ruin my intentions. It's just hair. It will grow back.

When he was done cutting I couldn't bear to look at myself in the mirror. I just kept my head down. The only thing I let my eyes focus on was a small bag of money that was placed in my dirty, calloused, little hands.

"My daughter sure will appreciate this, pretty lady." He explained as he walked me to the front door. I faked a half smile and left.

I made my way over to the toy store just as it was opening and I wasted no time pulling the ball off the shelf and presenting it to the merchant. I was beaming with pride as I handed him my money.

"Thank you, little girl." He said with a wink.

I ran home as fast as my little feet would carry me and for the only time in my life I prayed that Gin was not there. I burst through the door and called out his name. No response. I wrapped the ball in an old piece of cloth and set it on his bed. I couldn't wait to see his face. When I turned to walk out of his room I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I jumped back out of horror. There weren't any cascading waves; only a short bob with frazzled ends. Immediately my gaze dropped to the floor. I was unable to make eye contact with myself. I was ashamed. I had changed myself for someone and I did not like what

was staring back at me. With a huff I stormed over to my bed and retrieved a handkerchief from under the mattress. The material was purple and pink woven into a floral design. I quickly tied it over my head that way no one would ever have to know what I had done. It was my little secret.

I spent the next few days going about my business. I tended to the household chores and the people around town were none-the-wiser.

Three days. Three long, agonizing days. I had just gotten done scrubbing the floors and I went to rest on the front stoop. The handkerchief still covered my head.

"Hon'y, I'm home." He called out to me and my head shot up. His voice was a firecracker in the dark and it made my loneliness dissipate. I ran to him with as much speed as I could muster. Another prayer was answered. I threw my arms around him. I was so caught up in his presence that I didn't notice his hands slide the handkerchief off of my head until it was too late.

"Wha- what happin' to ya hair?" He asked with a slight tinge of surprise. "You wa' so beautiful."

What did he mean by that? "You_**were**_ so beautiful." I had given away a part of myself and this was his reaction? I felt the world shift beneath me as I took a step back to look him in the face. It had to be a joke. It just had to be. He was an enigma, a contradiction with an unreadable vibe. How can everything and yet nothing be funny at the same time? He didn't make sense. Perhaps that was his self-defense mechanism.

My worst fear manifested itself in his form that evening. What had I done? When would I learn? I ran from him. I ran until I couldn't run anymore. I made my way through the market while the merchants were packing up for the day and I spotted the wig makers daughter dancing in the ally way, my hair trailing behind her. A part of me wanted to rip it off of her head. I wanted my happiness back. I wanted my hair back but I remembered that this was my doing. She had done nothing wrong. I chose to walk on by.

"Hey pretty lady….not so pretty now, are you?" I heard a voice cry mockingly as a rock connected with the back of my head. "My daddy doesn't like you anymore. He likes me better so why don't you drown in the river?" The wig maker's daughter made her way over to me.

"I am not in competition with you." I said flatly and I turned to leave.

"Don't you walk away from me!" She said in a hateful tone. I felt her hands connect with my back as she pushed me to the ground. I didn't try and stop it. I took it like a man. I had the hair for it after all.

"What makes you think you can just walk away from me? I am the prettiest girl in town now, not you. You listen to me. I'm giving you an order!" I looked up at her, my curls framed her face and the sunset gave her features a hellish glow. I pondered what Gin had said. Was that hair really what made me beautiful to him? Is that all it was? My hair didn't seem to carry beauty within it for the wig maker's daughter. She was ugly. She was a mean and selfish little girl.

She spat in my face. "This is where you belong….in the dirt." She announced as she left me in the street. "Remember that, you are nothing without this hair."

I didn't know what I was going to do. All I knew is that I could go back home. I had no home. I could not live with someone who detested me. I refused.

I found myself exhausted as I came upon the river. The sound of the water seemed to soothe my weariness and drown the sound of my tears. I allowed myself to rest on the riverbank.

The moon rose in the sky as I unabashedly let my sorrows flow into my hands. My breath began to shudder. I felt cool arms slip around me and I froze immediately. I don't know how he was able to sneak up on me. It was unnerving.

"Thank ya." He said as he kissed away a tear from my cheek. "But…ya a gift enough fo' me." He had always had a way of making me forget that I was angry at him. It was pathetic the way I would cling to him like a lost puppy dog. I hated it. If what he had said were true though, would he have come to find me? I was surprised at how fast he had figured out what I had done. He always was a sharp one.

From that moment on, I vowed to never change myself for anyone ever again, inside or outside. No matter what I would remain true to myself. I realized young that beauty comes from within and no amount of red hair could change that.

* * *

**He's a fool **

We had been playing "last man standing" to test who was the best at holding his liquor. Everyone had passed out. It was just me and him and our skewed thoughts on life and love. Hisagi sure has a way with words when he is drunk.

"Uhhh…so uhh…you…uhhh…seeing anyone?" He asked me nonchalantly. The question made me cringe. It was all too obvious that he was fishing for information. I rolled my eyes. Why can't people just leave me alone?

"No one in particular." I said in a chipper tone. "My Captain keeps my schedule full and besides if I were seeing someone I wouldn't be able to have drinking contests with the likes of you anymore…" I teased.

He looked up at me; his eyes glassed over with alcohol. He was near his breaking point.

"Uhh…what I meant to say…is has anyone…caught your fancy…recently…now that…you know… is…out of the picture?" There wasn't an ounce of fear in his entire being and it irked me. He had planned this. Alcohol was just what he needed to work up the nerve to find out about my life after Gin; like it's top secret information or something. He was waiting for Gin to remove himself from my life. How frustrating.

"Mmmm…no one in particular. I am just taking one day at a time so….besides I have soooo many friends and like I said, My Captain keeps me so busy that I don't think I could handle a 'relationship'" I said as I mimicked quotation marks with my fingers. I was a blubbering idiot. The conversation made me very uncomfortable. It was like trying to breathe underwater, talking with him. I tried to change the subject. "Ikkaku is going to have a major hangover tomorrow." I said with a giggle, regaining a part of myself that was vulnerable a few moments before.

Hisagi let out a deep laugh and kept his eyes focused on his cup. "He's a fool." He said with a sober tone.

"Aww…he's tough. I think he will be okay. I just worry sometimes that he will over do it and we will have to drag him home by his ears and..." I was interrupted by a hand that reached for mine.

"I wasn't talking about Ikkaku. I was talking about Gin." I stared at him speechless. I didn't understand what he was talking about. My heart skipped a beat as I willed myself to breathe. Rangiku, breathe. I didn't know if I could ever share my heart with anyone ever again. It was nothing personal. I don't know who would want a broken heart anyway. I told myself that I had the best friends that I could have ever asked for and that was good enough for me. To hell anything else.

"Because any man that would ever leave you _**must**_ be a fool."

* * *

**Double Standard**

Is a man judged by the size of his package by everyone he comes in contact with? Then why am I judged by the size of my chest? And I don't want to hear some lame reason such as "Well, I mean, they are right in your face." So is Ikkaku's shiny head but that doesn't dominate your conversation. Keep my breasts out of your mouth-yeah- the pun was intended.

* * *

**It's 5 o'clock somewhere**

Something was different about him but I couldn't put my finger on it. It was distracting. I couldn't help but analyze all of his features: his hair, his eyes, his nose, his mouth. It was driving me mad. It was pulling me away from my field training.

"Take a picture, it will last longer, Matsumoto." I was caught.

"Sorry, Cap'n." I said but I couldn't help it, my eyes were drawn to him. I smiled.

I jerked out of reflex as a sword swung at my neck. I raised my sword to block the attack.

"You have some pretty fast reflexes for someone who is _**daydreaming**_." He scolded as his face drew nearer. "Wake up, Matsumoto. Pay attention." It was at that moment that I realized what had changed in him. I can't believe that I hadn't noticed it before. I slapped myself mentally. It was so obvious. How did I ever miss it? I reached up to run the back of my hand along his jaw line and my suspicions were confirmed.

"Aww…Captain…" I began. "You have a 5 o'clock shadow. How cute!" I kept my voice low so that no one else would hear.

His eyes grew dim as he pulled back from my touch. "That'll be ten laps, Matsumoto." He commanded.

To be close enough to run my fingers along his stubble was worth every step.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N- Wow…I am becoming such a sap….lol…I am becoming a lifetime movie network/ chick flick/ mushy writer… Oh, well. (I have to admit that it is fun though) This fic is intended to characterize Rangiku. I am trying to explore all aspects of her life and her feelings toward the people that she meets. It's my goal to randomly explain why she is the way she is. I just never thought that she would turn out the way that she has. It was a surprise…even to me. Bittersweet. **

**Sorry so short.  
**

**Oh, and BTW…I don't own the characters…just the stories within…like you didn't already know…**

* * *

**Prayer for the Princess**

I can't help but see myself reflected in her eyes. She is who I used to be. She is the personification of what I have lost. Experience burns many bridges and can leave you with nowhere to go. Stranded. I am happy she remains unaffected. I wish I could be that strong. I hope she never realizes that life is survival and to survive you have to play the game. Win while you can. Lose with grace. Love to the fullest and don't expect it in return. Loss of innocence, life has no thrill. I have to invent my own happiness. Little Orihime Inoue, stay who you are. If you can help it never cross the point of no return. Innocence is bliss. May you stay blissful all the days of your existence.

* * *

**A river without water**

The sands of time flow through my fingers when I think of him. Tick, tock, tick, tock. It doesn't matter how hard you hold onto someone; sometimes they are washed away with the sand. I watch him slip through my fingers. He was the point I was destined to miss. His love is like a river without water. Where will I go now to quench my thirst? Where will I go?

* * *

**These four walls**

I am oozing restlessness tonight. I feel so vain. Frustration. Annihilation. Deprecation. Words flow through my being like a lightening bolt. Who am I? Who am I supposed to be? Those loved. Those lost. They all make me who I am. I look in the mirror. I no longer mind the woman staring back at me. Resilient. Flexible. Happy. I feel that I have so much to live for. I am grateful for the friendships that arebestowed upon me. My ranting and raving is a secret…between me and these four walls. We'll never tell…

* * *

**60 seconds of heaven**

Okay. It's official. Nanao makes me sick. She can eat and eat and not gain an ounce, but I can just look at food and gain ten pounds. I am so envious of her.

I was walking back to the office. I was trying to lose those ten pounds I had gained while watching my best friend eat. We needed to catch up. It had been a long while since we had last spoken. There was so much to say and so little time. We spoke of work, life….and love.

"So?" She asked, glaring at me over her glasses. "Spill it-Now!" I couldn't help but smirk at her incessant bossiness. I watched her take a bite of her sandwich.

"Spill what?" I asked as if I didn't know what she was talking about. I took a sip of my soda.

"Don't play coy with me Rangiku. That trick won't work on me. I know you too well. You just want me to come out and say it. How is your budding relationship with your Captain? I want full details…spill it." If there is one person I could never pull a fast one on, it would be Nanao. Damn it! "I know it's been forever since you had some romance in your life. Wow, the prettiest girl in Seireitei finally decided on a boyfriend. Lots of men are going to be heartbroken."

I rolled my eyes at her statement. It was ridiculous. She is ridiculous. That sandwich looked delicious.

"Well?" She asked in frustration.

"It's really hard, Nanao. You know, I am finding it impossible to just let go of my inhibitions. I am terrified. I feel like damaged goods. What is he doing with me?" I pondered aloud. "But…it is so wonderful to look into his eyes and to see a soul there. I have never had that before. It's indescribable."

That was the truth. I was nervous about starting a relationship. It had been so long and I felt out of practice. Unwanted, like an unused toy. I was used to feeding off of the tidbits of attention that was thrown my way..but to have someone indulge me the way that he does, well, it was almost too good to be true. A little taste of heaven. 

"After all you have been through, after all of the things that you have done, you deserve some happiness. You…you deserve someone that will not betray your existence. What makes you so special that you think that no one could love you? You are wrong, Rangiku, dead wrong." She snapped as she took the last bite of her sandwich.

I have to admit that I was taken back by her statement. Of course I didn't feel like I deserved him. I had been condemned to the lost and found all of the days of my life. What if he wouldn't return me? How would that work? What if he gave me a home? What would happen if this got serious? I felt my heart start to race. I began to panic. I can't become a caged animal. I am supposed wild and free. I…I…I…

"He will celebrate you. Compliment you. He will not suffocate you." She scolded. It was like she was reading my mind. She knows me too well.

"He is a different person behind closed doors. I just hope that this isn't another mistake. I feel needy because I want constant reassurance." I said with a pout.

"And you don't think that he does? Of course, he is going to need to be reassured. I am sure it is really hard for him to love again too. Think about it from his perspective." She was right. I had forgotten that he was betrayed many times over also. My heart sank.

My mind mulled over my conversation with Nanao as I made my way back to the office. I desperately wanted to show him that I would remain forever loyal to him. I wanted him to know that I would never 

let his heart break. There is no justification for hurting a heart like his. His façade is not fooling me. I see a heart full of convictions and the strength to fight for them. I had convictions, too. I was going to make it my goal to make him feel every bit as special as he made me feel.

As I wallowed in my thoughts I decided to take the back way to the office. I weaved myself in between alley ways. I was desperately trying to think of a way to show him how much I appreciated what he has been in my life.

My thoughts were short lived as I was pulled forcefully into a small alley between two buildings. My neck was assaulted by two lips and I felt my knees buckle underneath my weight. 

"I missed you so much…" He said with desperation. "I just couldn't wait…please…forgive me."

He said it as if he had done something terrible. It was scrumptious, the way that his lips explored my body. I felt that he could devour me whole. Hands, touch, hips, thighs, hair, skin, kiss, lips, cheek, neck… It was almost too much to tolerate. He pulled away from me and I opened my eyes slowly to meet his gaze. He looked bewildered. I jumped back when I realized I had been holding tightly onto his robes for support. He quickly pressed me into him.

"Don't pull away from me. I need to feel you next to me. I need to know that you are real." We stood that way in the alley for not more than a minute. 

"Hurry back." He whispered in my ear and then he was gone. 

Nanao was right. I should not feel awkward. He is just as insecure and skeptical about me as I am about him. I think that together we could prove our loyalties. It's funny; I can't wait to see Nanao again. I finally have an answer to her question. My budding relationship with my Captain is like 60 seconds of heaven.


	8. Chapter 8

**A penny saved is a penny earned**

"A little to the left." I yelled to him while my hands framed my mouth. I heard a frustrated moan escape his lips as he clung to the roof of our house. The paper currency danced along our roof effortlessly as to tease it's pursuer.

"Oh, it went back right." I announced. He moaned again.

The money that pranced around mere inches from Gin's outstretched hands was my wage for the entire week. A butcher hired us to help him around his store. Gin's duty was to help cut and package the meat while I was to greet and serve the customers. Sometimes when we weren't busy and I had finished with the cleaning I would stand outside the shop to try and draw customers in.

"Stop whining, it is your fault my money is on the roof!" I declared as he began to ascend higher on the roof.

That week I had talked one of the richest men in town into switching butchers and buying all of the meat for his lavish parties from us. I explained to him that every slice is cut to order. "That means that every slice is cut just for you!" My adrenaline was pumping. "It's like having your own personal butcher!"

He brought his face down to my level to look me in the eyes. "You are one hell of a salesman, little girl, I would love to buy some meat for you…if only to see the smile on your face."

To reward me for my efforts the butcher gave me a hefty commission that equated four times what Gin made that week. In disbelief he snatched the money from my hand and it evaded his touch. The wind carried it safely from his grasp and onto the roof. I panicked as I saw my money float away from me. I nudged Gin to retrieve it.

And so-there we were-Gin was holding on for dear life on the roof as I kept him informed as to where the money was.

I had big plans for that money. I had already decided that I was going to reward myself with a portion of that money. I wanted a new dress-and not just any dress either. I wanted the dress that was hanging in the tailor's window. I had been drooling over it all spring. It was pink and sparkly and billowy and, and made for me!

"Gotcha!!" I heard him proclaim as I watched him stumble back as he lost his footing. Around and around he went as he rolled off the roof. I ran to catch him but only managed to break his fall. We lied there for a moment, disoriented. When I came to my senses I snatched my money out of his hand.

"Thank You!" I said rolling him off of me.

"Oh, careful." He said wincing in pain. "Where ya goin'?"

"To buy my dress." I replied as if he should have already known.

"Aren't ya gonna save ya money?" he asked weakly. He was trying to hide the fact that he was in pain.

I narrowed my eyes as I examined him. His was a trickster alright. I smiled at him and I watched him raise an eyebrow in curiosity.

"Uh, I already did. I saved it from you."

He didn't speak to me for a week.

* * *

**Happiness sneaks in**

Sometimes happiness sneaks up on you. It creeps around in the shadows and pounces on you like a cougar-when you least expect it. I sipped my morning coffee and sat with my knees pulled to my chest, in a chair by my bed. It was just after dawn and the light crashed through my window to caress his sweet, sleeping face. Watching him breathe was like watching a symphony perform an enchanting tune. Each breath was a carefully planned note that spoke to my heart.

There were times in my life that I thought I was happy; that the extent of contentment I experiencedwas all I world be allowed to feel. But the shards of happiness I knew as a child is nothing in compared to the happiness I find here…with him.

* * *

**The Gift**

"Helllllo, Cap'n!" I said merrily as I shut the office door behind me. I was returning from a Vice-Captains meeting. He looked up at me without a smile.

"Captain Ichimaru stopped by while you were out." He said with obvious irritation as he motioned toward my desk. I never understood the animosity that my Captain held for Gin, even before he was revealed to be the traitor that he is. Even before the assault on Momo, my Captain's eyes became icy flames at the mention of his name. It perplexed me.

I walked to my desk and there sat a little pink box.

"A present, for me!?" I asked rhetorically, my Captain answered me anyway.

"Well, who else do you think it's for, me?" He snapped.

The gift made me weary. Gin only gave gifts when he was up to no good. It was like giving me a gift was a way to ease his conscience…but it had been so long since I had gotten so much as a glance out of him, let alone a gift. I wondered what the change in him was. I fingered the box for a long while and pondered the occasion that should find me deserving of a gift. Two cold eyes were burning into the back of my head.

"The gift is inside the box, Matsumoto." He said condescendingly. I looked at him and tried to read his mood. He quickly lowered his gaze.

Finally, I worked up the nerve to open the box. I gasped as I opened the lid to reveal the biggest diamond ring I had ever seen. It was beautiful. I placed it on my ring finger on my right hand and modeled it for my Captain.

"Lookie at what I got!" I exclaimed as I shoved the rock in his face.

It really was an extraordinarily big diamond. It made me wonder what extraordinarily big mistake Gin made. This ring should have been my clue. I could have prevented so many people from getting hurt. I should have seen it coming….but I didn't, did I? I was blinded by the light of a diamond. His plan worked.

"Isn't it beautiful, Captain?" I asked. He hesitated then looked at the ring on my hand, and then his eyes met mine. His face was so serious, even more than usual. It was like I was asking him the meaning of life. I watched as his eyes searched mine. He was fighting an inner battle I could tell.

"Psstt…" He finally said. The resentment rang clearly in his voice. "That rock doesn't do your beauty justice."

* * *

**Kon**

Why do you try and look up my dress

Can't you tell that I am not impressed?

You are courageous and funny, I confess

You have more personality than most of the rest

But if you continue and don't comply

I just might have to hang you out to dry

Yes, that is a promise; it's not a lie

If you look up my dress, you will surely die

* * *

**Senior officers' wine and dine**

Everyone stared as we walked into the conference room. It was one of those moments when everyone stops what they are doing to look. He gripped my hand tighter and whispered in my ear.

"What are they all looking at?" I looked up at him.

"They all just realized how handsome you are." I said with a crooked smile. He just rolled his eyes.

During the course of the evening we mingled both together and separately. Nanao and I talked about him much in the way I am sure he talked to the other Captains, about me. Yachiru decided she wanted to braid my hair as I ate some of the best hors d'œuvres that I have ever tasted. It was a good time. Everyone was enjoying the party.

We sat down to dinner not long after we arrived. I took a seat beside my Captain and Kira sat across from me. Conversation was a delight as my Captain's hand found my knee. Even though the table is high enough that no one would be able to tell, it was extremely bold. I reached down to clasp my hand over his. We looked at each other with devilish grins.

It wasn't until I found myself in the middle of a rant that his aggressiveness reached its peak. Don't ask me what I was ranting about because I don't remember. All I remember was the moment that his hand found its way to my center. I laughed awkwardly to stifle a gasp as he continued to stroke me ever so slowly.

Everyone looked at me as if I were out of my mind…and for the moment I was. I proclaimed that I was having a giggle fit and I should be ignored. Giggly, silly, ditzy Rangiku….just ignore her. I am sure that is 

what they all were thinking. Dessert was being served (chocolate cake, my favorite). After all of the attention was diverted away from us, he leaned over into my ear.

"I am going to make you scream my name until you lose your voice." He said nefariously.

Let's just say I got dessert twice that night.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N- Wow! I'm on like…a writing frenzy or something. It has been so nice here, where I live, in Mississippi and I like to write outside. I am surprised that my neighbors haven't called the cops about a suspicious female, mid-twenties, Caucasian, red-hair…"Well, officer, she just keeps sitting outside…with her laptop…God knows what she is doing…she must be….writing fanfics…(insert dramatic music here)." lmao. In all seriousness, without school to interfere (I am on my 2 week break) I have found it alarming, the rate at which I have been writing. The words just pour out of me… I can't stop the river of words…lol (would that make me a word-a-philiac?)..anyway…I am fulfilling a request by **_**musicallady1 **_**who is my deep south sister in the form of "Did I hit a nerve." She wanted to know what would happen if someone had a tooth ache. This is my take on that situation. I hope I didn't disappoint. The best of both worlds was inspired by a real life conversation between my best guy friend and I. He was asking me if I considered myself to be a redhead or a blonde(I too have reddish blonde hair.) I chose the former. I just put a Rangiku spin on the story. Also..It has been brought up several times about the GinxRan references in my story. As stated in Chapter 5…I do not believe that anyone deserves Rangiku…however…Toshiro (an older Toshiro) would be my pick for her. But…in holding true with my fic…this is supposed Rangiku reflecting on her feelings and memories. As much as I don't like my ex-boyfriend now, it doesn't change the fact that he was apart of my life and the memories of when I loved him are there and that is what I try to explore with Rangiku. But I totally agree…Gin is a dick. Yeah…and I don't own the characters…just the stories within.**

* * *

**Define definition**

I don't remember there ever being a line _to_ cross. It was fluid, like a dance, how we slipped into different roles to suit each other: hero, victim, father, daughter, mother, son, brother, sister, friend, foe, lover….enemy. I cannot define the definition of what we were to each other. It's not clear cut. It is hard for me to swallow the realization of what he has done. Of course it is. The horror and guilt plague my mind with so many regrets. I can't help but feel a little responsible for what has happened. I should have been able to do something, surely. Am I really that naïve? And though I am confused and heart broken there is one thing that will not change. At one point in time I loved him…and he loved me, too. The rest is up to interpretation, even by us.

* * *

**The best of both worlds**

"You're in my bubble, Ikkaku!" I said sharply as an arm snaked around my neck. Yes, he was giving me a noogie.

"Rangiku, you know I don't speak blonde. You will have to translate."

"Get the fuck off of me! I mean it!" He let out a hearty laugh as he released me from his grip.

"Spoken like a true redhead."

"Are you drunk or just color blind this morning?" I asked him as I smoothed my hair out. He smiled wide.

"You are a master of deception, Rangiku, darling. Your hair is nothing to you than a matter of convenience."

I stepped back and crinkled my nose at him "You really are drunk and before noon…" I turned to walk away.

"Hisagi is right about you." He confessed as he grabbed my arm. I shot him a puzzled look. "You know how to play the game. You have the best of both worlds. You are no dummy, Rangiku Matsumoto. There is a real fire in your being. Everyone loves you. You're like a firecracker, amazing to watch. But there is flirtatious and manipulative side to you. You are able to play the blonde card very well. What can we expect? You were taught by the best. And when things get too rough for you, you get lazy and you don't want to deal up with the problem you just bat your eyelashes and show us your blonde card. You think you have us all fooled. We were talking about you this morning. If we all had strawberry blonde hair, I wonder if anyone could play the dual roles better than you do."

I stared at him for a moment. His analysis of me was startling. Is that how my friends saw me? I laughed jubilantly.

"Silly, Ikkaku, you really are drunk. How can you be a strawberry blonde when you don't have any hair?"

He cocked his head to the side. "You dumb blonde, you just proved my case."

* * *

**Are you happy to see me?**

Three weeks, two days, four hours, 13 minutes and 51 seconds, 52, 53, 54. My Captain was sent on assignment to the real world without me. The days rolled by slowly, not that I was counting or anything.

I watched him trudge though the gates. He received a hero's welcome. He deserved it. He always goes above and beyond the call of duty. Everyone came out to congratulate him on his successful mission. I watched his eyes scan the crowd. They soon locked onto me. He fought his way through the crowd. We walked together back to the office.

"I've missed you so much. What took you so long? I was so worried. I am glad you are okay. I wanted to come but, you know, I had to stay. Not that it's bad to stay. The division isn't trouble at all. It's my job. Not that I don't enjoy…'

"Matsu-"

"My job because I do. I just wanted to be there because I thought you might need some help. Not that I think that you can't handle it on your own…"

"Matsu-"

"Because of course you can handle it on your own. You're a Captain. You don't need me. It's just been a really long time…not that I have been counting or anything."

"MATSUMOTO!" I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"I missed you too."

When we made it back to the office he shut the door behind me. Not a second after the lock clicked did I find his lips on mine. They were starving for affection.

"I never stopped thinking about you." He confessed in a hushed voice. He smashed my body into his and I was instantly aware of his arousal. I smiled

"I am happy to see you, too."

* * *

**Did I hit a nerve?**

He had been working so hard and he wasn't taking care of himself properly, so I rose to the occasion. We had been out on the training field all day and I know he hadn't had anything to eat. He worried me; usually we would eat together. He ushered us all home, myself included. I decided that I would make him some supper and bring it to him. He wasn't going to starve himself on my clock.

I packed up some food picnic style with cherry pie for dessert. He loves when I bake for him. I always make him cake or pie, with love. I headed for his apartment. He opened the door with an awkward smile.

"Did I wake you, Captain?" I asked apologetically. His eyes softened.

"Nah, I can't sleep." He mumbled, almost inaudibly.

"I made you some dinner." I watched him wince at my statement.

"You're sick, aren't you? Come here." I grabbed him by his face and leaned in to kiss him. "You poor thing."

He jumped out of my grasp sharply. "RANGIKU! I am not sick!" I watched him massage his jaw.

"What did I do? I'm sorry."

"You've done nothing but be sweet to me, I'm sorry I yelled."

"Well, Toshiro, what is it? Tell me what the matter is?" Why is it that men always want to bear troubles solitarily? There I was ready to take on whatever dared to take him on.

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it. How are you?"

I walked up to him and pressed my body firmly against him. His stance did not falter. I let my lips trail along his neck. He still did not move. Standing on my tiptoes I whispered in his ear. "I would be wonderful if you would tell me what is bothering you." I let my teeth graze his ear.

"Dammit, woman!" He exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around me. "I have a toothache." I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed. I expected that he was hiding something catastrophic like…we were going to be station in different squads. My Captain is a big baby.

"Let me see!" I demanded, forcing his mouth open.

"No! This is what I did not want. Rangiku, I am fine. It's just a cavity."

"This is my doing. It's all of the sweets I have been making for you. And here I thought that you weren't really eating them." I said with a pout.

"Of course I would eat them. You made them! And it's not your fault. Things like this happen. It's nobody's fault. I'll be fine."

About an hour later, I bid my Captain a good night as I let the guilt of his cavity build into my stomach. I decided to return to him an hour later.

"I'm baaaaaaack!" I said in a perky tone. "Have you gotten any sleep?"

"Not a wink." He said with a heavy sigh. "I can't get comfortable."

"I want to hold you. Come here." I grabbed him by the wrist as we made our way over to his couch. I sat down and pulled him down with me so that his back was leaning against my chest.

"Poor thing." I said as I stroked his hair.

Not long after we had settled into the couch, there was a loud knock at the door. "Come in." I said simply as I wrapped my legs around my Captain and interlaced my fingers with his.

Captain Zaraki burst through the door with a pair of pliers. "I heard someone here needed a tooth pulled." His voice echoed though my bones.

I felt my Captain wiggle underneath my grasp.

"You set me up!" His voice crackced. "I am going to kick your ass, Matsumoto."

"He's all yours Captain Zaraki." I said merrily.

"You just want to hurt me any chance that you can get. Damned woman, you'll pay!" He declared as he thrashed around, trying to break free.

"Shhh….I am here with you."

"Which tooth is it?" Captain Zaraki demanded as he towered over us. I felt my Captain's body quiver against mine. "Open your mouth boy."

Two seconds, tops, is all it took for Captain Zaraki to remove the infected tooth. "Is this what was been bothering you?" He asked as he tossed the tooth to my Captain. "Pathetic." And with that he was gone.

I leaned down to kiss my Captain's forehead as he rubbed his jaw.

"I am so proud of you!" I released my grip to allow him to sit up.

"Ouch!!" He said melodramatically.

"Don't you feel better? I sat up behind him.

"Rangiku." He said in a whisper. "You're fired." I smiled.

"I love you too." I heard him mutter under his breath.

"Damn woman, has no respect for my nerves."

"Say, Captain….do you want some pie?"

* * *

**BTW…I am open to requests…if you have any…let me know…I am up for the challenge…I ain't "scurred".  
**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N-I have to say that I have really enjoyed writing the requests that I have received. Don't be alarmed. I haven't finished them all. I am still writing them…but I wanted to share what I had so far. Déjà vu is the fulfillment of a request by ****Orismoris**** and ****TideDrop**** about the Diamond Dust Rebellion. I have seen the previews and it looks like a good movie. Just having a Wikipedia article and a few trailers to go on, I sort of "winged" it. It is my take on what she was thinking when she was standing before the old geezer and he told her to shut up and explained that he was going to execute Hitsugaya. Umm…"Wrong place, wrong time" was a request by ****kyokoaurora**** for an UkitakeXSoifon pairing. Very entertaining. And…let's see…oh…and "In his pants" was a story idea ****musicallady1****. She always comes up with story lines I would have never thought of. "Girls night in" was inspired by my best friend whose personality reminds me so much of Nanao's. She acts serious and unimpressed out in the world…but behind closed doors…she is nuttier than I am. So that is with today's stories…and I am still working on the rest of them. Like I said…I am up for any challenge you want to throw at me! And I don't own the characters…just the stories within…like you didn't already know… :P **

**Lots of Love,**

**Janabananah**

* * *

**Déjà Vu?**

No. It could not be true. He doesn't have it in his bones to tear a tag off of a mattress let alone do something like that. Was that word even in his vocabulary? It would compromise who he is inside. I know him well enough to know what he is capable of. He is not capable of betrayal. Not Toshiro Hitsugaya, _my _Captain _and my_ friend. He was accused once of a sin of this magnitude, but he was innocent. Of course he was. Hinamori was such a simpleton, but that is a story for another day.

I have been wrong before, though. I have been dead wrong. I let my feelings get in the way of my intuition and when I should listen, I don't. I fight inner battles with my senses. I try my hardest to see the best in people. Deep down, I felt it in my gut, that Gin was capable of horrific things, but not my Captain. Never.

Commander Yamamoto is so callous. He doesn't even try to understand the circumstances revolving around suspicious activities. He just sits around screaming "I am Commander, cut his head off." I say "Like hell you will. Bring it on, old man." You think you can execute my Captain? I would like to see you 

try. I go where ever my Captain does and this time I know if I hang onto him a little longer, he wouldn't lead me straight into hell, unlike someone I once knew.

* * *

**Girls' night in**

I don't care how old I get; I will never tire of having slumber parties. I love staying up to talk and play games. It is a good escape from the harsh realities of life.

I found it hard to stop laughing as my best friend stood on my balcony, topless, for 10 seconds. "Na-na-o. Nanao! I was just kidding."

"Don't insult my honor. A dare is a dare." She said as pulled her nightshirt back on. "So, what will it be, Rangiku, truth or dare?"

"Because I don't want to end up having to sing naked on the roof I will go with truth."

"Since when do you play it safe?" She asked looking at me above the rim of her glasses.

"Since, five minutes ago, when I started playing truth or dare with you." She rolled her eyes with a sigh.

"Very well then…um…ah…I got it. Who is better in bed, Gin or Toshiro?" Leave it to Nanao to come up with the question I voted "Most likely I don't want to answer" but I took my truth with as much grace as she took her dare.

"Umm…Well…" There were so many ways I could break down the question. Are we talking about technique? Longevity? Stamina? Affection? I didn't know what type of answer she was looking for.

"Well if it's taking you this long to answer, maybe I don't want to know anymore." She explained with a sigh. I looked up at her pensively.

"There is no comparison…Gin and I had great sex." I said simply. Her face turned white and she shifted onto her knees to lean forward, toward me. "He knew how to move inside of me and make the angels sing…"

"Rangiku!" She said, laced in surprise.

"Hey...you asked…" I could tell that was not what she wanted to hear. "But…if you will let me finish…" she lowered her gaze.

"Fine."

"Gin and I had great sex….but that is all it was. Great sex" Her face shot up to look at me with a puzzled expression. "However! Toshiro knows how to move inside of my soul as well as inside my body. He makes love to me like there will never be a tomorrow…every single time. His love can move mountains. Hands down. Toshiro makes a better lover."

* * *

**Wrong place, wrong time**

It is my Captain's fault that the pot of coffee I made was now becoming one with the floor. He is so high-strung. Thank goodness I made decaf! Like I was expecting him yell my name at the very moment I was pouring him a cup. The damn thing slipped right out of my hands.

It would have been the gentlemanly thing to do, to go down into our squad's supply closet in the basement. But my Captain refused.

"Matusmoto! Clean your mess up. I'm not going to do it for you." I had made the coffee for him. He never takes care of himself. He never takes a break. He just goes and goes. I didn't expect him to clean it up either. I just didn't want to go into the spooky basement to get a mop.

I tiptoed down the stairs one step at a time. Sometimes when I would step down I could almost hear a woman scream. I would stop in my tracks and when I didn't hear it again, I continued. Of course, as luck would have it, the supply room was in the far left corner of the basement. The moment I stepped off of the staircase I ran for it and tried to plow my way through the broom closet's door.

"Owww!" I said melodramatically when the door didn't open for me. It was stuck. "Well, I'll be a son of a…" The door swung wide open as I kicked it with all of my might. "Piece of shit door…" I commented. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. I felt around for the light switch and when I found it…I wish I hadn't.

Captain Ukitake had Captain Soifon pinned up against the wall. It was the first time I actually appreciated the length of the Captain robes. Luckily I didn't see anything, but there was no mistaking what was going on. Here they were, two Captains, having sex, in the closet…yet they both looked at me as if _I_ were the crazy one. What they hell were they doing in my division's broom closet? Don't they think we clean around here? Don't their divisions have broom closets they can have sex in? Why us?

I tried. I tried so hard to look away, but I couldn't. All I could do is stare for a moment or two in disbelief.

"There it is!" I announced awkwardly as I grabbed the mop and quickly turned to leave. I turned out the lights but I felt the urge to speak before I closed the door. "You know…Squad 10 also has a utility room, a laundry room, a library and a kitchen if that would suit you two much better. I would offer you the office but it is already being used…just thought I'd throw that out there. Oh, and…uh…carry on."

* * *

**In his pants**

Shit! I was late for work…again. It has become a part of my indolent nature. It is even worse now that I get the most beautiful sleep I have ever had. There is no need to dream about love when he works, eats and even sleeps with me.

I frantically tried to search for a clean uniform. There wasn't one under the bed, in the closet, hanging from the ceiling fan (where one of my bras took up residence), under the couch, in the oven nor the pantry. I was at a loss.

"Son of a bitch!" I yelled to myself. "He is going to have my ass! And not in a good way." I had to get dressed and get to work…FAST! My mind raced to find a resolution to my predicament. I paced back and forth, trying to come to a solution. "That's it!" I ran to my Captain's apartment and let myself in.

"He won't even know they are gone." I convinced myself as I opened his closet to reveal a row of freshly pressed uniforms. "Jackpot!" I wasted no time pulling a uniform off of a hanger and placing my body between the seams. I was so proud of myself. This was a good idea. I couldn't help but feel a bit naughty as I dressed myself up in his clothes. I took my time, imagining that it was him caressing my body, instead of a mound of fabric. I pulled a sleeve to my nose and breathed in his scent. Divine.

"What are you doing, Matsumoto?" His voice was like a dream. It was so real. I couldn't wait to get to work. "If you wanted to get in my pants, all you had to do is ask." I froze in place for a moment. Surely, it couldn't be him. He was at work. He was always at work. I turned slowly to the bed behind me only to see my Captain still in his pajamas, staring at me with an amused smirk. Then it dawned on me. It was our Saturday off. "You have that 'I don't know what to say' look on your face. That's a first. It looks good on you." I was utterly speechless. Why do things like this always happen to me?

"Wait! Don't say anything! Let me guess why you are here…you were wondering what it's like to be me, weren't you? Very well then, let's role play." He walked over to me with long, slow, deliberate strides, his chest thrust forward and he spoke to me mockingly in a high pitched voice. "Say, Captain, I was wondering if you could help me with something. Do my breasts feel lumpy to you? You're the only person I trust to be open and honest with me. You would nevvvvver take advantage of me." He placed my hands on his chest. I swallowed hard.

"You're wrong." I said lowering my voice. "Of course I can and I will take advantage of you. Don't let my boyish charms and my cool exterior fool you. I have been wanting to jump your bones for some time now..."

"Hmmm…who hasn't? He squeaked, trying his best to twirl his hair around his finger like I do to mine. "I am the most beautiful woman in the world…but I will only submit to the most handsome, caring, un-philandering man ever."

"Well that is just too bad, because 'philanderer' is my middle name, you see there is this one girl and no matter how hard I try to stay away she leaves me begging for more. I can't get enough of her."

"Then beg." He said as his lips found my neck. I fell back, knocking the closet door shut. He made a trail of kisses from my neck to my chin. "Captain, these clothes are in the way. Let's get them off of you." He said as he ripped the shirt off of my back and resumed his procession of kisses slowly down the center of my chest. Having him not touch me made me very much aware that I wanted him to. I let my head roll to the side in frustration. "Yes, Captain?" he said with fake innocence "Is there something you want me to do? I bet there _is_."

I swiftly turned my head to meet his gaze. "Touch me, now." I said in my best male-domineering voice. He just smiled and continued his kisses down my stomach. He stopped when his lips reached my waistband.

"Captain, I don't like pants on you." He explained as he pulled them off of me. "They are sooo old fashioned."

"Really? Because I was thinking that…" My voice evaded me as his lips slid across my center. I involuntarily arched into his touch.

"Silly, Captain, you didn't tell me where to touch you."

It was smooth the way his tongue moved across me. I couldn't say a word. Hell, I couldn't even breathe. All I could do was…enjoy. I felt the world shatter underneath my feet and my hands found his hair. It was like a rollercoaster, the way that the waves traveled through my being. I desperately tried to calm my ragged breaths as his kisses travelled back up. He stopped when his lips reached my ear and he spoke.

"So, Rangiku, what's it like being in my pants?"


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N-Hello! It's me…again…excited aren't ya? Lol. Okay…I am still working on the requests and having the time of my life. I find myself working on those instead of homework …bum …bum …bum …anyway… "Frost Bite" is a request from ****heidi-mayer87****. I hope it lives up to your expectations. I wrote it at work (I work at a call center) in between calls on Saturday..he he he… ****musicallady1**** and her crazy southern mind came up with the question as to whether or not the females shinigami have monthly visitors. I answered her question in "Curiosity is in the Bag". The other two were the result of my inquisitive mind putting my thoughts on "spin cycle." Hope you enjoy. And I don't own the characters…just the stories within…lucky me.**

janabananah

* * *

**My heroes**

I disobeyed him. Sometimes intuition outweighs orders. This was one of those times.

Whether or not he didn't want me involved was irrelevant. I am not in need of a hero. It's my job to be a hero…not a victim. He shouldn't waste his chivalry on me. He should be someone else's hero.

As I reached my front door I felt the crushing release of Hyorinmaru. It knocked the wind out of me. I knew that whatever was happening…it wasn't good. I hesitated for a moment. He had ordered me to go home. It wasn't a request. It was an order.

"Oh, hell!" I thought to myself as I took off running to where my Captain was. "Hopefully he will forgive my insubordination."

I ran upon a scene and was it a horrific sight. Poor little Momo was knocked out on the ground. Her petite form was calm and pale. She was bleeding from her hands. I looked up to watch in disbelief as my Captain had Gin within his grasp. I felt the strings on my heart pull tighter. This could not be happening. This could not be happening. All this time…Gin really was behind all of this? My heart sank but I wasn't surprised. I think deep down I knew it all along.

"Ikorose, Shinso." I heard Gin say. Those words always could evoke a feeling of dread deep within my soul. I was relieved when I saw my Captain dodge. This had to end. When Gin's blade did not retract as 

my Captain dodged I was able to ascertain his goal. He was going to kill Momo to get to my Captain. How cruel. I would never let that happen. Never.

I ran as fast as I could and drew my sword to absorb the blow. I felt it crack slightly under my hands but I did not back down. I would not back down. I knew full well that I was no match for him. But I could not watch him murder Momo in cold blood. He would have to kill me first.

It's funny. As I looked at him I didn't recognize who he was. From where I stood he looked like a monster on high. He paused for a moment and then began to retract his blade and then he flashed me his signature smile. I narrowed my eyes to him. I was not amused.

As much as it was not a surprise to me who he turned out to be; he was not surprised that I sided with my Captain over him. Was it out of love? Respect? Concern? Guilt? What was the reason he refused to fight me? Was he still trying to play the hero card on me? I hate it when he plays that card. He makes me feel like an invalid. I hate feeling that I needed him. I don't want to need anybody…least of all him.

He tries to be unreadable. Unfortunately for him I had spent my entire life learning the language of his silence. I looked at him, looking at me, perched on high. I could almost hear his ragged thoughts flowing through his brain.

"Silly Rangiku, brave and tall, I will always be your superhero."

Lucky me.

* * *

**Watch your step**

"Rukia, darling…we have to do something with your hair." I explained to her. She looked rough, worn out and tired. But I suppose that if I were supposed to have been executed only a few days ago…I would 

too. I was glad to see her out and about so soon. Her brother entrusted Nanao and I to take her for a walk but we girls were starving. He wouldn't mind if we took a detour, would he?

"We can't see your pretty face with all of that hair in the way." I continued. Nanao rolled her eyes as she pushed me along the buffet line.

"Never mind her…Ran is not happy unless she is smothering someone. Her breasts aren't the only things that are overbearing." Nanao whispered loudly to Rukia. I flashed her a mock hurt look.

"I don't smother." I pouted.

After lunch and conversation I reached into my purse to retrieve a brush and a hair pin. "Here she goes." Nanao said in between sips of her soda. I stuck my tongue out at her.

I took my time brushing through Rukia's hair being careful to be extremely gentle. She told Nanao and I stories of her time on Earth while I parted and pinned her hair so that it was out of her face. I was surprised that Rukia did not object. No, she took what I dished out without complaint. I was glad that she was absorbing her quasi-makeover. I wanted to give her back some confidence. I wanted to make her feel beautiful. She deserved at least that.

I reached back into my bag for some blush and lip gloss; nothing too drastic. "She even has a toilet in there too…in case you need one." Nanao teased, making Rukia crack a smile.

"All done!" I announced with a final dab of lip gloss on her lips.

"That is such a good hair style for you, Rukia. I am surprised Rangiku didn't turn you into a clown." Rukia blushed slightly and put her head down.

"Rukia has more faith in me than you do. Some friend you are." I declared.

"I just know you better, that's all." Nanao always has some sort of sarcastic comment stored up for me. I suppose she gets lots of practice at work. "Anyway, let's blow this joint, I'm losing brain cells just being here."

"Ooooooookay" I whined. I didn't want to go back to work yet. Nanao helped Rukia to the door while I went to throw our trash away.

"Hurry up, Rangiku!" They called to me.

"I'm commmming!" I shouted as I dropped my cup in the trash after one last sip.

I turned around just in time to witness the whole event. It would be an event that was laughed about for years to come. As Nanao and Rukia made their way through the door I noticed Renji and Ichigo coming up the sidewalk. I watched them as they both caught a glimpse of Rukia's new look. It was like a scene out of a movie. She was floating…like she was walking in slow motion. I smiled as her arm reached up to flip her hair with her new found confidence. She was setting them up for disaster.

The boys, infatuated with who they were seeing, didn't pay attention to the park bench that rests beside the sidewalk entrance to the cafeteria. I watched as Renji walked right into the bench. He struggled to regain his balance but he lost that battle. He tumbled over the bench and landed head first in the dirt. Ichigo followed Renji's lead and toppled over Renji's horizontal form. It was a funny sight. Everyone stopped what they were doing to laugh.

I ran to catch up with the girls. "Are you guys okay?" I shouted breathlessly as the boys argued with each other. It couldn't have been better if I had planned it myself. wink, wink

I saw Rukia laugh for the first time since she was released. I don't mean chuckle. She laughed good and hard. Nanao put one arm around me and the other around Rukia. With a vibrant laugh she turned to Rukia. "Congratulations, Rukia darling, welcome to our world, you can stop not only one but two men in their tracks. Your brother will be so proud."

* * *

**Frost bite**

Life was getting to me. How he knew that, I will never know. I tried not to let it show on the outside. Maybe be I am not the master of disguise that I think I am. What can I say? It was just one of those days.

"If you sigh one more time, I am going to lose my cookies, Matsumoto." We were marching our squad back from a mission. Nothing major. We just had to calm some disturbances outside of the Seireitei.

"Sorry Captain." I said in monotone as my head hung low. I wasn't in the mood for jokes.

"What?! No…'I didn't know you had cookies?' Or any other twisted sarcastic comment? You're not yourself today. You'd better cheer up. That's an order."

"Yes, sir." I felt his eyes burn into the back of my head as I opened the door to the equipment room. One by one I helped each member of our squad put away his battle accessories. With all of the men gone, I locked the door and turned to go home.

"Is that all, Sir?" I asked him, my eyes pointed to the ground.

"No." He said plainly. I rolled my eyes internally. It would figure. All I wanted to do was go home and he had plans for me. "I want you to meet me by the lake in fifteen minutes." I reluctantly complied.

My heart missed a beat when I approached the lake fifteen minutes later. The remnants of Hyōrinmaru's release covered the lake's surface. My eyes scanned the horizon for my Captain but I didn't see him anywhere.

"Captain!" I said in desperation as I ran to find him. "Where are you? Answer me!" When I reached the lake I was amazed at how powerful my Captain truly was. All of the trees were frosted over and the lake water was solid ice. It was the first time I was actually able to admire his power without being in the heat of battle. It was an amazing sight; a winter wonderland. I have always had a lot of respect for his power and I feared his frost bite. I know what he is capable of but it is just fascinating to see it in its glorious magnificence as apposed to just a weapon. It was beautiful, just like him.

My mind raced to figure out what could have happened. What would have caused him to release Hyōrinmaru? I slowly backed away from the frozen lake.

"Boo, Matsumoto." I heard him say as my back bumped into his chest. I let out a shriek. I turned around to meet his gaze.

"Captain, what happened?" I said regaining my composure. "Are you okay? I was so worried that you…" Two lips silenced my interrogation.

He pulled away and I opened my eyes slowly. I allowed my eyebrows to furrow when he didn't say anything. What was he up to?

"I thought you could use a snow day." He said suddenly as he took my hand and led me over to a bench with a pink box resting on it.

"In the middle of July?" I questioned still unsure of what he was up to. He pointed to the pink box.

"Open it." He nudged me to sit down and he watched me intently as I opened the present he had given me.

"Ice skates? Really? Can we?" I said with child-like vigor.

"Why else would you need ice skates unless you are going to skate?"

I put on the skates he had given me and he held my hand as I stepped onto the ice.

"Gosh, I haven't been ice skating since…" I trailed off, stopping myself from bringing up a memory that needn't be remembered. We skated on the ice from sunset until midnight. I was comforted by the way the moonlight would catch his eyes. It was the most fun I had had in a very long, long time.

I was so moved by his gesture of kindness and his effort to cheer me up. He was able to pick up on my sour mood and make it all better. It worked. He was right. I needed a break. I needed a snow day. It's ironic how his iciness warmed my soul. We had come a long way from those days that I feared his frost bite more than anything in the world. Now I embrace it.

* * *

**Curiosity is in the bag**

"What's in the bag, Matsumoto?" He asked me as I waltzed through the office door. It had been three weeks since he had taken over and we still had a lot of catching up to do. I was relieved at his innocence yet overwhelmed by his seriousness. For a week or two I thought I was going to have to reach up and pull out whatever was stuck up his butt, however, he was beginning to mellow out. I said beginning to!

"Nutin'" I said nonchalantly. "Just something I picked up for Vice Captain Ise." I set the bag on the couch next to me and plopped down. I turned to face him, sitting backwards on the couch, and flashed him a smile. "How does the division suit you?"

He looked at me pensively. His eyes looked overwrought and tired. Such a pity. "It suits me well, Matsumoto. Thank you for helping me transition." I saw a light blush flutter across his cheeks. I was going to have so much fun plaguing his life with unexpected absurdity. He is such an easy target. "So…uh…is it her birthday?"

I raised an eyebrow to him. "Who? Oh, you mean Nanao? No. Her birthday is still a few months off." I watched him nod as his attention returned to the book he was reading.

I got up to open the blinds to let some sunlight in. I then walked over to my desk to pour him a cup of the tea I had made earlier. I set it on his desk next to his right hand. Without looking up from his book he thanked me. Then there was a knock on the door.

I grabbed the bag and walked over to the door and met Nanao in the hallway.

"Did you get it?" She asked with worry on her breath.

"Have I ever failed you? Don't worry. I got it covered." She motioned with her eyes toward my Captain.

"Does he know anything?" She asked in a hushed tone.

"Nanao! It's good. It is just so weird that it was happening to me and now to you two days later. Don't worry so much. Stress will only make it worse." She leaned in to hug me.

"Thank you so much. You are a life saver. Now I have to take care of this before he gets back." She turned to leave.

"Good luck." I called out to her back. "If you need anything else, let me know."

"Ooooookay!"

I came back into the office and I felt two jade eyes follow my every step until I reached my desk and sat down. 5…4…3…2…1.

"Matsumoto?" Damn, I am good.

"Hmm?" I said turning around to meet his inquisitive stare.

"I know that it really is none of my business…but…what you and Vice Captain Ise are doing…well…it is legal right?"

I burst into laughter. His curiosity knew no bounds. I leaned back in my chair with one arm draped over it. He shifted forward in his chair.

"Do you really want to know what was in that bag?" I asked flatly.

"NO!" He justified. "I just want to make sure it is legal."

I got up and sauntered over to where he was. I folded my arms in front of my chest as I rested my elbows on his desk. He looked up at me with fascinated eyes.

"Captain, they were tampons, she got her period early. Are you happy now?

His eyes slammed shut and his face turned twenty shades of red. Yes indeed, he was an easy target.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N-Okay…I have to warn you that "If I had known then" is a tad bit vulgar…It sprang from musicallady1's idea of Momo dueling Rangiku for Toshiro…but it took on a life of it's own…and this is the end result…so sorry if it is a bit rough. It's funny…I put my ipod on random when I am in the shower and "Stupid Girl" by Garbage came on...I hadn't heard that song in forever…and that is what Rangiku is talking about in the story aptly titled "Stupid Girl." I remember, I listened to that CD religiously when I was in high school (Now I am showing my age, I need to shut up.) But anyway…that's that…and I don't own the characters (or "Stupid Girl" by Garbage)…just the stories within…like you didn't already know…**

**P.S. Shirley Manson rules!**

* * *

**If I had known then**

"You wanton bitch." I heard her scream as she made her way over to me. We were all waiting for the Vice Captains' meeting to start. I was sitting in a semi-circle with Nanao, Renji and Hisagi. It was the first big meeting since Aizen had taken off with his two accomplices. Everyone was still angry and needing someone to blame. Me. I was the only person that Gin allowed to come near him. I should have known. Sure. Sure.

"How could you? You think I don't see…but I see. I see the way he looks at you and it makes my blood boil. Take a look around, Rangiku." Her petite face was aflame. "There isn't a man in this room that wouldn't have you. You could have any man you want. Why him? Why my little Shiro? You are all he wants to talk about now. I-hate-you!" I watched the tears swell in her eyes. I reached out to embrace her. Momo looked like a frail china doll that was about to shatter. I wanted so much to comfort her ailments. Life was still trying to bounce back to normal after the three conspirators fled. It had only been two months. Everyone was still hurting and still on edge. Aizen had really gotten into her head. She didn't even know up from down and here she was, screaming at me. It was hard for me, too, so I know it must have been killer for her. She wasn't allowed to return to her duties as she was still recovering. She was only allowed to attend meetings but I don't even think that she was ready for that yet.

"Don't touch me you, hussy. You make me sick." She said as she found a seat on the other end of the room. Her sudden outbursts were becoming a real problem but now she is accusing me of taking her friendship with my Captain. I did no such thing.

"What did you do to Captain Hitsugaya to make Momo so mad? Did you make a man out of him before she got the chance?" Renji asked as he poked me with his elbow suggestively.

"I have done nothing. I have only been a loyal and dependable Vice-Captain. She is just hurting. She'll move on. She just needs time." I explained. Surely, she really wasn't angry at me. Surely.

"So…does being your Captain come with _fringe_ benefits?" He commented with a laugh. I was not amused.

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?" I demanded, raising my voice.

"Come on Rangiku, everyone knows that you are loose." I felt anger building up in my fists. How dare he, How dare he say that to me! I am no such thing. I stood up to punch him but Nanao caught my arm and Hisagi pulled me away by my waist. I kicked my feet at him in protest.

"Don't let him anger you. That is what he wants. Don't fall into his trap. There is no point because it's not true." She explained as she pulled me into the hallway. I could feel the tears, like acid, burning lines into my face. "There, there, don't cry." She comforted as she hugged me. I could hear Renji and Hisagi yelling at one another. I just wanted the humiliation to end. I just wanted to go home and curl up into a ball and die. Two people in less than five minutes accused me of being a slut. I thought they were my friends. What was going on?

"What's your problem man? Everyone knows that Momo is having a hard time adjusting. Her accusations are totally false. Why would you say something like that to Rangiku? I thought she was your friend." I heard Renji laugh exaggeratedly before replying.

"Man…she has you pussy whooped too?! You are pathetic. You sleeping with her too?"

"Irrelevant! Rangiku is my friend." Hisagi said valiantly.

"She wouldn't give you any? Sorry to hear that."

" Look, asshole, just because Rangiku is a beautiful girl doesn't mean you can talk down about her. She has a big heart. Sure, men like to look at her. She is a living piece of art. Did you hear that? She is living. She has feelings. She hasn't had a great life but she is a good girl. Cut her some slack. The only family she has ever known turned out to be a traitor. How would you feel?" Hisagi said in the most compassionate voice I have ever heard.

"So what? She isn't the only one that has had a tough life .She could have prevented the trouble that Rukia went through. She could have prevented the whole thing. None of us would have suffered as much as we had…Rukia, Momo, you and even her little Captain. Apparently she didn't mind her life too much while she was fucking Ichimaru. Like she couldn't have known what he was up to while she was sucking his dick."

His words knocked the wind right out of me and I slid from Nanao's grip and onto the floor. What a horrible thing to say. I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up. My breath shuttered as guilt seeped into my veins. He was right. He was so right.

"She was the only person he let get close to him. She should have known something. Rangiku should have been his downfall. She could have saved the Soul Society a lot of trouble if she weren't so stupid. I am just so sick and tired of "Little Miss Tease" over there." He yelled, making sure I could hear him. My heart cracked and I struggled to catch my breath in between sobs. He destroyed my feelings. How could someone think so ugly of me? Renji was a friend, someone I cared for. I know he was still upset about what Rukia had gone through. I tried to be understanding but I felt my compassion slip through my fingers with every word that he spoke. I try so hard to keep a smile on my face. I already felt bad enough that I hadn't been able to stop Gin. This was Gin's dirty little secret. How did it end up on my lap? I am tired of cleaning up after him. There were a great many things that he had never told me. I just figure it was in his nature. Like some things were better left unsaid. Had I suspected anything in the least about his betrayal I would have been on him like white on rice. I held the guilt in my heart but hearing it said out loud was more than I could bear. This whole thing really was my fault, wasn't it?

"What has gotten into you?" Hisagi questioned. When he got no response he continued. "It's really not fair to blame Rangiku for Gin's actions. He is a big boy. He is responsible for himself. She held her blade against him not once…but TWICE! She did try to stop him. Saying that she should have known better is like saying that I should have known that Captain Tosen was a traitor too. Is that fair? Or that Momo should have know of Aizen's treachery. And what about Kira? He was Gin's Vice Captain, remember? If you want to blame Rangiku for all that happened then you need to blame the rest of us as well. We were the four people that were the closest to the traitors." I sniffled and let out a sigh of relief. "You 

need to get your anger in check man. Seriously. If you are that angry then take it out on the people that deserve it…like Captains Aizen, Ichimaru and Tosen…instead of insulting the honor of your friends."

There was a moment of silence and Nanao asked me if I were okay to return to my seat. I dried my tears and stood up. As I turned to walk through the door I heard approaching footsteps. It was Momo.

"You just can't help yourself. You cause trouble no matter where you go. You think that because Gin is gone you are going to steal him away from me but you're wrong. You are dead wrong. I'll never let you take him." With that she continued down the hall and out of the building. I watched until I could not see her frail form anymore.

If I had known then that I indeed would end up with him I would have owned up to it right then. But I didn't think that I would end up with him. It was so far fetched for me to conceive. I didn't want to be with anybody. I was too broken inside. Renji was right. I am a tease. I love to push people's buttons and tease their insecurities but I never do it maliciously or disrespectfully. I do it out of love.

I have since forgiven Renji for his accusations. He apologized. There was no need to hold a grudge. He was hurting too. He didn't mean the things that he had said. He was just being Renji , by blowing off steam the only way he could, with his big mouth.

The truth was that Momo was beyond devastated by Aizen's deeds. It had left her suspicious and high strung and she ended up getting the best help that she could get. I still come to visit her once a week. Maybe in her fit of mania she was able to see something that my Captain and I didn't see. It still doesn't matter. I carry no guilt in my relationship with my Captain. We didn't plan it. I do, however, understand her pain. It's like being a grieving widow. I knew that feeling all too well. She would miss the Aizen that she remembered for the rest of her days. At the time I had no relationship with my Captain and the only man I had ever loved was no longer in the Soul Society. He was dead to me, just like Aizen was to her. I understood her more that she would have like to have believed.

* * *

**Confessions of a teenaged mystery**

"Stop it!" I whined as I felt another acorn connect with the back of my head. He had been doing it for the past ten minutes and I tried to ignore him. I really wanted to watch the sunset and I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he was really pissing me off. I guess I lost that battle.

"I ain't doin' nutin'." He lied effortlessly.

I turned to look back at him and another acorn hit my forehead. "Dammit, Gin, I am going to kick your ass." He chuckled almost inaudibly.

"Don't cha look at me wit' such fury. I think dat squirrel has it out for ya."

"The only squirrel I see is you." I said icily as I rubbed my forehead with my eyes closed. He threw another acorn despite my protests and it went down my shirt.

"Son of a bitch!" I screeched as I stood up on our porch. I abandoned the potatoes I had been peeling to try and shake the acorn free. It was to no avail.

"I can help ya if ya want. I'm excellent at fishin'." He replied suavely as he leaned against the front door.

"Uh…I don't think so. You pervert." I spun around to cover my chest as he rushed to fish out the acorn from my cleavage. "Stop, Gin. Ahhh!"

He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder and shook me vigorously. "Damn-it-Gin-I-said-stop-it-now..."

He paused for a moment. "Wut's 'da magic word?"

"Now!" I said smugly.

"Wrong answer." He began to shake me some more. I couldn't help but laugh. "Give up?"

"Never." With my refusal to give in he walked over to the steps and sat down facing the sunset. He removed me from his shoulder and cradled me close to him; like a baby. After a moment or two of silence I tried to break free of his grip. "I suppose I should finish the potatoes so we can eat some time today." But when I moved his grip grew tighter and I looked up into his eyes.

"Uh-uh…Stay" That was all he said. I sighed as I wrapped my arms around him and allowed my head to rest on his shoulder. I closed my eyes and listened to the rhythm of his heart beat. Yes, he had a heart; a big one, once upon a time. Over the years I learned to pick up on his subtle expressions. They were barely detectible to a novice but I was a pro. He took a long deep breath. He was thinking.

"What cha thinkin' 'bout?" I asked him in an innocent tone. I knew his mind was racing. He paused for a long while. He was debating whether he should tell me the truth or lie to me. To this day I don't know which option he chose.

"Such a beautiful sight. Magnificent red 'n cosmic blue. Beautiful beyond compare. Exotic." I turned my head toward the setting sun. His grip on me tightened once again and I looked up at him to meet his eyes. " 'da sunset ain't bad either."

* * *

**It's okay to be young**

He was seething as I watched him enter the office. His presence was overwhelming. He made no attempt to keep his negative energy in check. He walked over to his desk and began rummaging through the drawers. He reminded me of a soda bottle that had been shaken up. Did I really want to pop the top? Do you even have to ask?

"Looking for something, Captain?" I inquired lightheartedly as drawers slammed and papers flew. When I didn't get a response I made my way over to his desk and sat on the edge and crossed my legs. It took him a moment to notice me but when he did…it was priceless.

"Matsumoto! What are you doing?" He demanded as he stood on his tiptoes in a failed attempt to look me square in the eyes.

"I just wanted to know if you needed any help is all."

"I don't have time for your games, Matsumoto, I have to find…" He trailed off almost as if he didn't want to tell me what he was looking for.

"What cha lookin' for? Maybe, I have seen it."

"Nothing. And you haven't." He said abruptly, making me frown. I did not stir for a moment or two. I just watched the determination dance across his features. He went down one side of drawers and down the other. Then he began to search his desk top. Slowly he looked under books, papers, reports, newspapers…everything…until he came to where I was parked.

"Move, Matsumoto, you're in my way."

"I just want to help. Tell me what happened." I said pleadingly.

His eyes met mine and I could see the desperation in them.

"I-don't-have-time-to-play-your-games-woman! I have to find my Captaincy exam to show Ichi…maru…" His eyes closed as he let the cat out of the bag. And the soda bottle began to spew.

"What did G-Captain Ichimaru say to upset you?" I asked as I reached up to touch his cheek. What had Gin done, now? He turned away from my touch and I swear I saw his eyes tear up. He took a moment to collect himself.

"Get-back-to-work." He said hatefully. It caught me off guard.

"But I.."

"NOW!!" His voice shook my bones. He didn't need to yell. I could take a hint. Sheesh. I slid off of his desk and onto my feet. I looked back at him to make sure he was being serious. Maybe there was some mistake and he really didn't mean to yell at me. His face had an expression as to say 'What are you still doing here'? So, I trudged back to my desk.

I watched him rummage through his desk three more times as I debated whether or not I should tell him what was on my mind. He looked so sad. He looked so vulnerable. Knowing Gin, I had an idea of what he said. It was probably a one liner about his age and his inability to do his job. My poor Captain, now feeling inadequate, is looking for the proof of his abilities. Gin can be such an asshole sometimes. Well, most of the time. He tries to destroy a person with his one-liners. Well, I have got some news for him. I have a one-liner of my own and I was going to build up what he tried to destroy.

"It's okay to be young." I blurted out into the chilly air. My Captain stopped what he was doing to glance up at me. Let the renovation begin.

"What do you mean by _that_?" He said with bitterness on his tongue.

"Captain Ichimaru is just jealous that it took him two tries to pass the Captaincy exam." He raised an eyebrow. "Actually, it was Captain Aizen and I who helped him study."

I never saw him sweat Gin's words ever again.

* * *

**Stupid girl**

It was late. I couldn't sleep. The past was haunting me and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't run away. I walked from the bed that Orihime lent me with my heart in my hand. I found my way to her couch. I felt my eyes well with tears as my mind replayed the events revolving around Rukia's execution. 

I tried to combat my tears with a smile as I reached for the remote control. I turned it to MTV. If nothing else I would find comfort in watching the music videos that are only shown at night.

The woman on the screen spoke to me with words I swear she had ripped from my soul. She was talking about me. She had to be. Perhaps I was hallucinating. I _am_ accustomed to pretending. I pretend to be happy when I am not. I pretend not to love the person I love. I drink just so that I can fit in because I desperately want friends. I pretend to be stupid and lazy so that men will notice me. This insatiable hunger for companionship is eating me alive from the inside out. And here…this woman on TV is singing about my woes. I pretend so much that I don't even know who I am. Who _am_ I?

Tears began to sting my eyes as she started the next verse. She is right. I have nothing left to believe in. I supposed I shouldn't have put my hopes and fears into one person, but he was all I ever had. What else could I do?

And why is it she had to reiterate my blatant stupidity throughout her song? Yes, I know. I'm stupid, I'm a mess. I am not worth anything to anyone. Is that why they call themselves 'garbage'? Because that is what you will feel like when you get done listening to their song? It was working.

I tried to stifle my sobs the best that I could but the tears would not stop pouring down my face. "You stupid girl, you stupid girl, you stupid girl…" I know already!

I heard footsteps. Quickly, I changed the channel.

"Matsumoto." A sleepy voice called to me and I quickly dried my tears. I was elated that the room was dark except the light from the television. "What's the matter? Can't you sleep?"

"No." I replied sheepishly. I looked to the television for an excuse. Oh, no! I had changed it to an infomercial about breast enlargement. My Captain is going to be thrilled. "So, I decided to watch this program. It's all about breast enlargement. I was curious. There are a lot of flat chested girls in the world. I feel sorry for them." I lied shamelessly. "Wanna watch it with me?" I laughed awkwardly. He paused for a moment, most likely of shock. Then he spoke calmly.

"Matsumoto. Get to bed. Your breast are already a national treasure. What more do you want?" He said matter-of-factly then he retreated back to his bed. After he turned the corner I whispered my reply.

"All I want is to not be considered a stupid girl anymore."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N-WHOO HOO! I AM BACK. THOUGHT I GOT LOST, DIDN'T YOU? LIFE HAS BEEN HECKTIC TO SAY THE LEAST. I HAD THE FLU, AND I AM TRYING TO FIND ANOTHER JOB (MY BOSS IS A TYRANT) AND I AM IN A WEDDING AND IT LEAVES ME NO TIME TO WRITE. SO I MADE TIME, IN LIEU OF MY SCHOOL WORK. I AM SUCH A SLACKER! **** RANGIKU WOULD BE SO PROUD OF ME. OH, WELL, "INADEQUECY" WAS IN RESPONSE TO A REQUEST BY ****Orismoris****. "ATTENTION" IS KINDA SILLY. WELL, HAPPY READING, THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT AND I DON'T OWN THE CHARACTERS…JUST THE STORIES WITHIN…LIKE YOU DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW.**

* * *

**Stray cat**

We have a lot in common, this stray cat and me. I watch as it approaches everyone just wanting some love and reassurance. A pat on the head is all it takes for this cat to walk tall again. Everyone loves the cat but they refuse to take it home. "It's too much work," they say. How terrible it is to have someone adopt you only to abandon you once again; poor kitty cat. But if they knew the love in that cat's heart then maybe they would reconsider. All it wants is a little love in return for the heart of steel it is willing to offer. Yes, I understand this stray cat well because I am a stray cat myself.

* * *

'**till death do us part?**

Finally! I was finished. With a relieved sight I admired the fruits of my labor. It was spectacular. Our little home needed a woman's touch (and a good scrubbing). I was getting tired of the house smelling like feet. I washed the windows, scrubbed the floors, dusted the furniture, washed clothes and washed the dishes. I was exhausted. I decided I had earned the right to enjoy a relaxing evening.

I treated myself to a long bath and I took great care to morph myself back into the young lady I loved to be. I dressed myself in my best clothes and prepared dinner with a smile. Gin would be home soon; he would be hungry. I set the table and waited patiently for his return. I drifted asleep in my chair.

The door swung open with a bang and I awoke with a start. "Oh…you're home…" I said sleepily; trying to sound upbeat.

"Hiya." He said, making his way over to the kitchen sink. As he washed his hands I noticed that he had left a mud trail on the floor I had spent all day scrubbing. After he washed his hands he took off his shirt and threw it over a chair. I narrowed my eyes to him as he began helping himself to the food I had 

made. He was completely oblivious to the work I had done…and to me. I watched wordlessly as he stood in the kitchen and devoured a bowl of soup before retiring to his room without so much as a glance in my direction. With a heavy heart I cleaned up the mess and then sat myself down for a solitary dinner. I pondered his inconsideration. "I don't even know why I try anymore." I mumbled to myself as I placed my bowl in the sink. "All he cares for is himself."

"Rangiku." I jumped at the sound of my name and turned to face him as he poked his head through his bedroom door. "Have you seen my grey shirt? It's my favorite. The one with the…" I couldn't remain silent anymore.

"GIN!" He stopped mid-sentence. He looked at me stupefied. "Did I ever promise you 'until death do us part?'" His eyes dropped pensively to the floor as they tried to comprehend my meaning.

He looked up at me. "Nah. I don't think so."

"Then I am not your wife…find it yourself." His head dropped to the floor once more and he retreated back into his room. He was mindful of my efforts from that point on…well…for the next week or two anyway.

* * *

**Attention**

I could feel the need burning in my chest. Agonizing need. I had been two whole hours and twenty-two minutes since the last time. I needed him and I needed him right then and there. I would make the time for him. I would do anything to cool down this fire burning within me.

I approached his desk with caution. I was trying to read his mood so I would know what approach to go with.

"Why are you dancing in front of my desk, Matusmoto?" He asked acting unimpressed. My heart felt as if it were going to beat out of my chest. My temperature was still rising.

"Um…I was wondering…if…I could ask you a question." I said cautiously.

"Spit it out, Matsumoto, I don't have all day."He replied icily.

"Can you…" I stopped trying to calm my heart beat. "Can you make me…another…snow cone?" I waited for him to reply, pressing my index fingers together like a child.

"Matsumoto." He said as his eyes clamped shut. "Get to work."

* * *

**Inadequacy **

"Today we are going to get in touch with our…feminine…sides. " Nanao cringed as she displayed a two piece swim suit. "If we are going to follow through with out ten week program 'Getting to know your female body' we have to…do…this." It was her idea to start this feminist program and now it was coming around to bite her in the butt. I didn't see what the big deal was. We weren't going to leave the room with the bikinis on. We all have the same giggly parts so who really cares? Apparently, Nanao did. "Alright ladies…pick out a suit and then sit in a circle on the rug.

I rushed to grab the pretty pink bathing suit I had been eyeballing since the Shinigami Women's Association meeting began. I quickly shed my clothes and put it on. It was beautiful. It had a cute boy short bottom that was decorated with a faux diamond belt and a halter-like top that was bedazzled in rhinestones.

I walked over to Nanao, who was still trying to find the bathing suit with the most cloth. I rolled my eyes to her. "You are hopeless." I decided to make myself comfortable on the rug and wait for everyone else to morph into the sexy beach goddesses I knew they could be. One by one I was joined on the rug. It took me a moment to realize that everyone was staring at me. I looked left and then I looked right.

"What? Do I have spinach in my teeth? I told my Captain that spinach was not a good choice for lunch. I…"

"There is nothing in your teeth, Rangiku." Nemu snapped.

"Maybe it's that none of us will ever be able to compete with you so why even try?" Isane said bitterly as I noticed she had a towel draped over her body.

"What are you talking about?" I wondered aloud. "This is an exercise to feel more comfortable in your body. It's not a competition."

Nemu brought a full length mirror over to me. "Stand up and look at yourself. You're perfect. I was artificially created and still, I am not a beautiful as you are. 34DD, hourglass figure. Girls just don't look like you, Rangiku."

"Well, Nanao…" Kiyone began. "This was a disaster." Nanao looked at me with frustration.

"What's it like?" Isane asked? "What's it like to have breasts?" I was a bit stunned at her question.

"Well…they are heavy." I began with a laugh. No one else was amused. "Clothes never fit correctly. You are never quite sure if men are really interested in you or your body and no matter where you go people make a big deal out of it. Boobs don't make you beautiful they only make you an object of lust."

I looked up to see Isane's eyes glaze over with tears as she led the girls to indulge me in a group hug. As she reached to put her arm around me she whispered in my ear. "I am still jealous of you." I just laughed in reply.

There was a tap on my shoulder and I turned to meet Yachiru flaunting _her_ pink bathing suit. "I am just like Rangiku!" She said merrily. I about choked on my spit when I saw that she had stuffed her bikini top with tissues to form enormous fake boobs…like mine.

"Great idea, Yachiru." Nemu said and then suggested that everyone follow Yachiru's lead. The women of the SWA learned to stuff their bras that day. A meeting well spent.

So…the exercise didn't go according to plan but for about an hour or so we all were top heavy babes, much to Nanao's dismay.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N-UMM...SO ****Kohryu**** SAID THAT "STUPID GIRL" FROM CHAPTER 12 WOULD BE GOOD AS A CONTINUATION AND "THE STUPID ONE" IS WHAT I CAME UP WITH. THE REST JUST IS WHAT IT IS. AND I DON'T OWN THE CHARACTERS…JUST THE STORIES WITHIN…LIKE YOU DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW. **

**LOTS OF LOVE, ME.**

* * *

**My sanctuary**

I find solace only in the places that are veiled with his presence. I know I anger him when I stop working and position myself on the couch but I figure my Captain will come around eventually. There is a peace I find at the office I can never find at home. It is like heaven is blanketing me in the knowledge that as long as I remain in that office with him I will be just fine. I like that feeling.

* * *

**Pragmatic or neurotic?**

I had come to visit Nanao but I took up a conversation with Captain Kyoraku pending her return. We spoke of life, love, liquor and love again. Taking a sip of my sake I picked up a picture frame that rested on Nanao's perfectly organized desk. It was a picture of her and me at graduation from the academy. I smiled when I reflected upon how far we both had come. "I can't believe she kept this all this time." I commented rhetorically. I placed the picture frame back on her desk where it belonged.

"Rangiku…there is a bottle of sake here with your name on it, sweetheart." Captain Kyoraku yelled out to me and then … Nanao walked in.

"Speak of the devil. Hey, girly girl!" I called out to her. She walked over to her desk and sat down.

"You two have no shame." She blurted out in our direction. "It's 11 o'clock in the morning, for goodness sake." Captain Kyoraku and I looked at one another and smiled as if we held the biggest inside secret in the world. Then we let it go.

"It's best this way." We said in unison. She rolled her eyes and turned them to her desk.

"Who went through my desk? She asked in a panic. Her Captain and I looked at each other once more and shrugged our shoulders in confusion. "Someone went through my desk….something is not right. Who went through my desk?!"

"Damn it, Nanao, no one. We have been her the whole time. No one went through your desk. I just looked at the picture of us on graduation day." I said with frustration. She really could be neurotic.

"Oh, that's what's wrong. You didn't put the picture frame back in the same place."

"What? I questioned. "It was right there when I found it." She reached up and turned it about five degrees to the left.

"There. Perfect. Much better." She said with a relieved sigh. I rolled my eyes and turned to Captain Kyoraku.

"How in the hell do you deal with her every day?" I asked him. He picked up a bottle of sake and presented it to me and then took a big swig. I let out a little laugh. It seems she is what drives him to drink. Well, sometimes.

* * *

**The stupid one**

"I didn't say anything about you being stupid, Matsumoto." He said as he reentered the room. Shit. I spoke those words aloud. "Why would you say something like that? I refuse to let stupid people on my squad and you're my Vice-Captain. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"Of course…" I began but I was quickly interrupted.

"Then why would you say such a filthy thing about yourself?" The tears began to pour out of my eyes like a waterfall once again. He walked over to where I sat and rested himself beside me.

"The-guilt-is-kill-ing-me. " I explained in between sobs. "I-am-so-stupid. It-was-right-un-der-my-nose-and-I-did-not-see-it-coming." He put an arm around me and let me rest my head on his shoulder.

"Rangiku, stop making yourself sick over something you had no control over. So, what! You were Gin's only friend and you didn't suspect anything. Now he has no friends. Sure he has people to manipulate where he is but don't you think it bothers him that you aren't around anymore? There isn't anyone to bring him tea in the morning. You think I didn't notice all of the kind things you still did for him…but I did. When he is frustrated he is not going to have a Rangiku to run to in order to make himself feel like a man again. I don't know what skewed view of the world you are looking at this from but from my angle he is the stupid one." I dried my eyes and struggled to form a smile for him. He leaned in to whisper in my ear. "I mean…who would abandon a national treasure? Dumb ass."

* * *

**Spin the bottle**

We were bored. It was a situation of 'hurry up and wait' for what would happen next. Everyone decided to wait at Orihime's house. She said she didn't mind. She ordered a pizza and picked up two six-packs of Coca Cola. With our tummies full we sat in a circle, Me, Orihime, Renji, Rukia, Yumichka, Ikkaku and my Captain. Everyone on our team was accounted for. I sat for a good while with my empty coke bottle, just blowing air into it to produce a sound.

"Matsumoto. Quit." My captain said with annoyance on his breath.

"I'm bored." I declared with a frown.

"This isn't a vacation, Matusmoto. We are not here to be entertained."

"Aww..Cap'n…we can have a smidgen of fun." I protested as I pinched my fingers together in front of my eye, like I was squeezing his head. He shot me a dirty look.

I sighed at his response and I placed my soda bottle on the floor and began to spin it around.

"Matsumoto!" My Captain yelled. I swear I saw a blood vessel pop in his forehead. "Stop-being-a-child."

To spite him I spun it around one more time. Around and around it went until it stopped...and everyone gasped. The bottle neck pointed proudly to my Captain. I watched as his cheeks began to get flushed.

"_Somebody_ owes _somebody_ a kiss." Ikkaku teased as I reached for the bottle.

"Shut-up." I said. "No one wants to hear your big mouth run." I spun the bottle again.

"Matsumoto!" My Captain yelled so sharply that his voice cracked. "If I have to tell you one more time…" I ignored him as the bottle spun around and around.

It landed on my Captain again.

"Now, that is too weird." Yumichka announced, smoothing his hair. "You must kiss her now, Captain Hitsugaya. Fate is on your side."

My little Captain folded his arms in front of his chest and threw his head to the side in anger. I really had no intention of kissing him. I just love to tease him. That's all.

"Kiss her, kiss her, kiss her." The nerds from squad 11 began to chant as I crawled my way over to where my Captain sat. He still would not look at me.

"It's not really a big deal, Cap'n. " I was not doing a good job of making him feel comfortable. "Tilt your head back. I will make this a painless as possible." His wide eyes closed as I leaned in for the kiss. I grabbed his head and tilted it back for my satisfaction. I left sugar on his lips. "All done" I proclaimed. He opened his eyes cautiously and went cross-eyed looking at the sweetness left on his mouth. He shot his 

head up right and my love fell to the ground. My Captain retrieved the item that fell off of his lips and he presented it to me.

"Matsumoto…what's this?" He asked in a contemplative yet annoyed tone.

"It's called a Hershey Kiss, from my lips to yours."


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N-Yay!! Chapter 15!! I don't own the characters…just the stories within…like you didn't already know. (Anyone else tired of me saying that? Just checking. Lol :P) **

* * *

**My everything**

"Is everything alright?"I asked Nanao as she stared blankly at her sandwich. We had decided to befriend each other as first year students who didn't know anyone else at the school. She was friendly yet a bit timid, but I could fix that. I invited her to have lunch with me. "Yeah. There is just this guy that keeps staring at us and he is giving me the creeps."

"Where?" I asked looking around.

"Don't look!" She exclaimed. I snapped my head back to my food tray.

"Well what's he look like?" I asked with a girly squeal. "Is he cute?"

"No." Nanao commented all too quickly. "He looks like a fox in a hens' den." She took a bite of her sandwich. "Oh, no. He's coming this way." She said with food in her mouth. I furrowed my brows and I scoured the cafeteria for the suspicious character that was approaching. "Behind you." She whispered.

I turned to meet Gin's whimsical smile. I rolled my eyes at him. "Look what the cat dragged in." I announced with sarcasm; as a smirk blanketed my lips.

"Is that how ya greet me, Rangiku?" He asked cheerfully as he took the seat beside me. I looked up just long enough to see the horrified look on Nanao's face. There was no doubt that he was who she was speaking of.

"Nanao, this is Gin. Gin, this is Nanao." I introduced them. There was tension in the air. "Nanao is the smartest person in my class. I am hoping that some of her brains might rub off on me…" I laughed nervously. Then there was an awkward silence.

"Well, ya two beautiful ladies have fun." He said as he brought my hand to his mouth and kissed it dramatically. I raised my eyebrow to him. Had he lost his mind? "Don't do anything I wouldn't do." And then he walked away.

Cautiously I looked over at Nanao, who started at me with her jaw wide open. Quickly regaining her composure she asked, "Now, who was THAT?"

"Gin." I replied sheepishly. I refocused my gaze on my food tray.

"Not his name…who is he to you…brother, cousin, friend…..boyfriend? Who?"

"Yes…yes…yes and yes." I commented still not looking up from my tray.

"What does that mean exactly?" She wondered aloud and I looked up at her with serious eyes.

"He's my everything."

* * *

**Shake it like a salt shaker**

Some of my proudest moments are when I am drunk…then again…sometimes I have moments I am not too proud of. Like the one time that I was depressed on my "birthday"…only a few months after the one who gave me that day disappeared into a funnel of light.

"God, Rangiku. You are poisoning the world with your negative energy." Ikkaku said with a raised eyebrow as he slapped the hair covering my face. "You are distracting our training next door."

"I'm sorry." I said looking back down at the book I was reading. I don't remember what the book was about. I just skimmed the pages blankly as I tried to forget the day.

"Whoa. You need to revert back to your happy self. I mean…you're actually reading."

"So you think that I am a ditz that doesn't read is that it?" I snapped with venom on my tongue. He let out a sigh.

"Not at all. I just know you are easily distracted by the things you could be doing other than the things you should be doing." He said solemnly. "I know what you need. You need a drink." Without looking up at him I spoke.

"I am trying to this new thing where I don't act like the Rangiku of yesterday. I am turning over a new leaf, Ikkaku. From now on I am not going to drink anymore." I glanced up to see his reaction. He had a huge grin plastered on his face. "What? Don't you think I can do it?"

"Sure. I think you can do anything, Rangiku. But why did you pick this day to become sober?" As much as I hate to admit it, he was right. If anything this is the day I should drink, could drink, would drink. "Why not come down and have a drink with us guys later?"

"Fine." It was a statement I would live to regret.

I had a drink that night. In fact I had several; about double my normal alcohol intake. Everyone kept buying drinks and it would be rude to refuse. Right? Riiiight? It was MY BIRTHDAY. I don't remember much about that night. I just remember that Hisagi made a comment to Renji, across the table, that none of the girls in the bar were good dancers. He must have known that I was within earshot. Had I not been drunk I probably wouldn't have walked into his trap but I was way beyond hammered. I accepted the indirect challenge. I set out to prove a point. I pushed all of the empty glasses off of the table and they crashed to the floor.

"Rangiku. What the hell are you doing?" Renji questioned in a panic.

"Shut up and watch how a real dancer moves." I said as I pulled myself up on to the table. In all fairness they both tried to stop me but I hit them both in the face with my right hook. I began to sway to the beat. About half way through my routine I had to spin so that is what I did. Around and around I went. Suddenly I didn't feel so good. I began to fall backwards and that is all I remember.

"If she dies it will be our fault." I heard Renji's guilty voice say. I opened my eyes to see both Renji and Hisagi's faces hovered right above mind. I screamed and they jumped.

"Are you alright, Rangiku," called the voice of Captain Kyoraku. I winced as I realized my head was throbbing.

"You mean other than the splitting headache and the two weirdos that are staring at me, then yeah, I am good. What happened?"

"Well, the two weirdos challenged you to a table dance, you accepted, got dizzy and passed out…luckily…I was there to catch you." He said smugly.

"We're really sorry, Rangiku. We didn't think you'd take us seriously. Do you forgive us? I mean it was supposed to be a present from all of us, to take you out for a good time and we ruined it." Hisagi whined. I felt bad that I had made them worry.

"You guys didn't ruin it. I was able to get over my sour mood and besides…getting to punch you both in the face was present enough for me. What else could a girl ask for?"

* * *

**Official business?**

"Caaaaaaptain! You made me drop my pen." I whined as he jumped up from his chair to acknowledge the knock at the office door. We had official business to discuss and he pushed me out of the way to get 

to the door? How rude! I looked at the door curiously as he opened it. It was only our 4th seat. I rolled my eyes as I bent over to retrieve my pen but I couldn't find it. "Where did it go?" I whimpered and got down on all fours. I crawled around by his desk looking for my pen. "There you are." I said as I spotted it sitting deep under his desk. I heard him close the door so I decided to say put and hide. I just wanted to scare him. It would be fun! I pushed myself as far under his desk as I could go and stifled a laugh as he sat down and brought his knees toward me. I heard him speak.

"Now where did that damn girl go to now? Matsumoto!" I know that my original intention was to scare the wits out of him but suddenly I had a better plan. I reached up and grabbed the tie to his pants. He let out a yelp and instinctually grabbed onto my hand. "What are you doing?" His voice cracked.

"Punishing you for making me drop my pen." I replied and lightly bit his hand just hard enough to make him let go.

"God, woman, you are a nymphomaniac.'

"Only when I am around you." I said with a laugh. Our romantic relationship was just beginning. I still had so many things to teach him. I released his arousal from its confines and I felt him stiffen when I rolled my tongue around it.

"Ran-gi-ku." He chanted in between deep breaths. He was trying hard to maintain his composure. That just made me want to crack it more. My somber and slow speed became faster and more deliberate. He reached down to run his hands though my hair and that is when I knew that I had him. His indistinctive moans encouraged me. He was losing control.

I jumped as I heard the door open with a bang…without a knock. My Captain stiffened as I heard foot steps approaching.

"Fourth seat Nishimura asked me to give this to you." I heard a female voice say. My Captain let go of my hair to grab a hold of something. My lips were still firmly around him. "These are my reenlisting papers."

"Uh…thank…you." He managed to stammer. I heard the footsteps trail back toward the door. "Congratulations on your decision to reenlist." The footsteps stopped.

"Thank you, Captain. You and the Vice Captain are the reasons I decided to stay. I couldn't have asked for a better squad. Where is Vice-Captain Matsumoto? I would like to thank her for all of her help." Ugh! He couldn't just shut up and let her walk away. We had official business to finish. I was losing him. Who is more interesting? An enlisted squad member or your girlfriend between your legs? Uh…the latter. Apparently my Captain didn't realize this. I gently sucked on him to get his attention again.

"She's…ahhh…out…uhhh…uhhh…of the office." He stammered.

"Are you okay?" The girl asked out of genuine concern. I rolled my eyes. I just wanted her to go away.

"Yeah. It's an old…war…injury. It acts up sometimes." I sucked on him again. "Ahhh…I just need some rest."He explained.

"Do you need anything?" The girl wondered.

"No!" He said loudly. "That is all. You may go." He blurted out. I heard footsteps and then the door closed. "Damn, woman." I laughed.

"Someone needs to teach her how to knock." I said as I momentarily removed my lips from him.

"Someone needs to teach you how not to be so seductive." He sighed as he reached down to stroke my hair. "I just can't tell you 'no.'"

"I am just good at making you say 'yes.' Now shut up. I have some official business to attend to." I remarked as my lips found him again.

"Yessss…" He hissed weakly. Mission accomplished.

* * *

**Wet t-shirt contest?**

It was hot. I was hot. I was melting like snow. I looked over at my Captain. Poor thing. He was melting too but there was no escape for us. We were taking part in the "Shinigami Mock Olympics." All seated officers were permitted to participate. Each squad competed against each other in physical competitions. For each first place medal that squad would receive a twenty percent raise in that squad's budget for that year; second place yields ten percent and third yields five. Out of the fifteen competitions we had taken first place in eight and there was only two more left. We were exhausted. My mind was telling me to quit. We had already increased this year's budget by 160 so why did we need to continue? It was out of principle. Squad 10 is not a bunch of quitters. So we marched on into battle.

"Are you ready, Matsumoto?" My Captain asked me at the beginning of the next event. We had to walk on a balance beam across a mock lake.

"To demonstrate discipline, balance and grace in the heat of battle," the Captain-Commander explained. Whatever. "Ready. Set. Go." And we were off.

My Captain took the first step onto the balance beam and I followed behind him. We were doing really well. I wanted so badly for this to end. I guess I should be careful what I wish for. We got about three quarters of the way across the beam and my Captain came to a dead stop. I bumped into his back.

"Whoa. What'd ya stop for?" I questioned but he did not answer. I saw the breath in his chest shudder. He took a deep breath and then he lost it.

"Achooo!" He let out the biggest sneeze I have ever witnessed. He lost his balance and I tried to catch him but he just took me down with him. We hit the ice cold water hard but I have to say it was a welcomed treat considering the day that we had had. When we climbed out of the lake we got cheers from everyone in the crowd. It seemed we were the envy of the 13 squads, if only for the day. I was proud of what we had accomplished.

I ran up to my Captain and draped an arm around his shoulder. "Wow. Everyone is so proud of us." I said merrily. "You did well!"

"You too." He said in a tired tone. "Would you like a drink?"

"Yes, please."

When he came back he had a peculiar look on his face.

"What's the matter? What happened?" I questioned.

He took a deep breath but did not look at me. "It seems that everyone was not staring at us because we were the envy of all of the squads." He said with a frown. "You're wearing a white t-shirt and…you fell in the water…and…for God's sake, Rangiku…we can see EVERYTHING!"

I could feel the heat burn into my cheeks as I crossed my arms over my chest. I was humiliated but I wouldn't go down without a fight.

"You planned this didn't you? I bet that was a fake sneeze. If you wanted to see me in a wet t-shirt all you had to do is ask, Cap'n." I happily advised. My Captain rolled his eyes and turned away from me.

"As if, Matsumoto. As if."


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N-So..like..I am a ditz...VacantEyes and Musiclady1 were able to helped solve the mystery as to where "The dating game" came from. 'Legally Blonde' lol. So..that is about it...I don't own the characters...just the stories within...like you didn't already know.**

* * *

**I can't let ya go**

"What?" I asked breaking the ice. I was getting tired of our one-sided staring contest. "Go on. Spit it out. I can hear you thinking from over here…'Mr. Prodigy"'.

Perhaps I was inconsiderate but I had learned over the years that I wasn't going to stop living my life just because he walked out the door. Does my heart still beat if he isn't there to hear it? Of course it does and that was my point. He did his thing and I did mine. I never harassed him. I expected the same respect in return.

"I don't like ya hangin' out wit all 'dem guys, Rangiku." He confessed crossing his arms in front of his chest like a child that wasn't getting his way and sounding dangerously like a jealous boyfriend. "Lotsa things can happen." With a heavy sigh I threw down the rag I was cleaning his kitchen counter with and sauntered over to the wingback chair he sat in. His new apartment was nice, almost regal and fit for the second seat he had just become. I took a break from my work and my studies to help him move in. Yes, I did study…and work, too.

"You don't need to worry. I can handle myself." I explained. It felt like I was trying to justify my night life to a father rather than...Gin. "I just like the company. It gets lonely looking at my four walls when you aren't around…"

"Then hang out wit' Nanao." He ordered. The brunt of his words forced me to take a step back. I looked at him disapprovingly.

"Look at me Gin. Do I look like a member of your squad? Where does it say "Division five" on my uniform? At work you may be the all powerful second seat…but you're at home and you don't order me around! I am just mimicking your lead. You do what you want and I do what I want. It will be up to you when we meet in the middle." I watched as his smile faltered and his eyes went dim at my statement.

What does he expect me to do; to be hopelessly devoted to him and forsake all others? Get real. He isn't the only soul in the soul society. I am not going to waste my life waiting for him to return. So what if most of my friends were guys? It wasn't like I was "doing" anything with any of them. We laughed, we 

drank, we were merry…and then I always went home alone. End of story. If he were so concerned he would make an effort to be with me more often. That is how I felt about it.

Something happened to us when he got in to the academy. He was no longer that shy and sporadically jovial boy that that been my childhood companion. I felt something had snapped in him; like he got a taste of the power and strength he long sought after and he would stop at nothing to get it. I am not sure I wanted to believe what my mind was telling me he had become.

I didn't understand. He was always so strong and devastatingly intelligent to me. His deductive skills are unmatched by anyone I have ever met, even to this day. He held power in his self-control and his quick wit. They were skills he developed to survive. Plus, he had me. Wasn't that good enough?

He leaned forward to grab my hand; the force sent me tumbling toward him. I landed with my knees straddling him on the chair. I looked down into his face.

"Gin?" He reached his hands slowly up my back; his movements so slow and deliberate they gave me goose bumps. His hands reached my collar and he grabbed on to it. He lunged forward to press his lips to mine. As he deepened the kiss he tugged lower on my collar until my robe went spilling over the sides of my shoulders. He pulled back with a punch drunk expression in his barely visible eyes.

"I just want ya all to myself; like it used to be." He whispered so softly I almost didn't hear him. The honesty in his words shook me. I caught a glimpse of the Gin I used to know. The Gin I missed desperately. I leaned down to kiss his forehead and run my fingers through his hair.

"I _am_ all yours. I will always be here for you when you need me…just don't expect that you will be the only person that I will share my friendship with." He exhaled softly and turned his head to the side.

"I just don't know if I can let ya go just yet."

* * *

**You're a pain in my…**

An uneasy feeling swept over me as I made my way through the market. I was being followed. Though I could not see his face nor make out his features, I could tell it was a boy by his silhouette. When I would walk fast, he would walk fast. When I would slow down, he would slow down. I felt a knot form in the pit of my stomach. I was terrified and alone.

My mind raced with terrible thoughts of the things that could happen to lonely little girls. The only thing that made me feel safe was to keep walking. Slowly he began to close the distance between us. I had to act fast. I led him to the most populated area of the market and I hid behind a vegetable stand. I waited for him to walk by and- I attacked him. I grabbed him by the shirt and kneed him between the legs. Dust and dirt flew everywhere as I pushed him to the ground.

"Why are you following me you creep?" I questioned loudly with newly found bravery; inviting an audience to stare. When the dust settled I gasped in horror at my mistake. There Gin laid rolling in the dirt and writhing in pain. "Oh, my gosh! Are you okay? Why were you following me around like a rapist? You terrified me!" I knelt down next to him.

"Oi, Rangiku. I saw ya out and I want'd to make sure ya didn't get hurt…but 'da pain in my loins tells me that ya can take care of ya-self."

* * *

**The dating game**

"He needs to make a move soon if he wants to close the deal with her." Renji commented between his teeth. We (Ikkaku, Renji, Hisagi and me) watched painfully as Izuru was failing miserably at flirting with a girl from the second division. "He didn't even buy her a drink. He ain't gonna get any like that. I'll bet he is still a virgin."

"Uh, Helllllo! There is a lady in your presence. Can we keep the "sexual conquests" talk to a minimum?" I commented loudly; advertising my blatant intoxication. "I don't want to hear about what goes on in your pants or in your case, what doesn't."

"I don't see a lady. Do you guys?" Ikkaku spat sarcastically. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Well, what do you suggest? How does my boy get a date?" Hisagi questioned. "What do girls want us to say and do?" I took a moment to size up the situation. We all knew that Izuru is a bit of a coward but it wasn't anything that couldn't be overlooked given the proper situation. I handed my glass to Ikkaku.

"Hold this and don't drink it or spit in it or I will mop the floor with your face." I demanded.

"Now that wasn't very lady like." He said sarcastically.

"What are you going to do?" Hisagi asked as I stood up from my chair.

"You boys sit back and watch a pro. I am going to get Izuru a date."

"Whoa. So is that like pity sex?" Renji asked in awe. "Kinky…"

"I didn't say _**I**_ was going to go out with him you half-wit. I said that I am going to get him a date…with that girl."

"I hope you have a club hidden in your bra so you can knock her out and drag her home for him." He exclaimed as I walked away. O ye of little faith.

Poor, poor, poor hopeless Izuru. He was leaned against the bar; clearly nervous. The pretty little blonde bombshell he was chatting with was looking bored. But from where I stood she looked like too nice of a girl to just walk away from him. What a schmuck. That was good news for me. This was going to be like taking candy from a baby.

I walked up to Izuru and slapped him in the face. I heard Renji yell, "We didn't say it was okay to beat him up! That's not fair. It's a one-sided fight."

"Rangiku…what?!" Izuru managed to say but I cut him off before he spoke anymore.

"So now I get it. I am just not good enough for you! Is that it?" I leaned into him and ran my fingernails along his chest. "I thought you were different. I don't understand. You give me the most agonizing pleasure in the world and then you never call me back. Am I just not woman enough for you? Wait. Don't answer." I held my palm up to him. "I can take a hint. I know when I am not wanted. I bid you farewell."

I lowered my gaze for a moment to hide the smile that was forming on my lips then I looked at the girl. "You are so lucky to have this man right here. I wish you both the best of luck and I would advise you to get plenty of sleep the night before you go out with him because you won't be sleeping at all the night of your date. I must go now." I feigned tears and I ran away back to the boys. We watched as the girl took Izuru's hand and they walked out of the bar together.

"Well?" I asked the three men with gaping jaws.

"That was amazing, Rangiku." Hisagi commented as I snatched my glass back from Ikkaku.

"Thank you. Thank you." I bowed my head to the praise.

"How did you do that?" Hisagi asked; astonishment still fresh on his breath.

"For a woman to date Izuru…her eyes have to be open to what he has to offer…so…I made him out to be a sex god." I explained.

"That is cold, calculating and totally awesome." Renji said as he wrapped an arm around my neck. "Me next!"

"Ha! I'm not a magician, Renji" I said just to see the reaction on his face. His jaw dropped to the floor and he flashed me a faux hurt look.

"I just tease you because I love you." I said mockingly. "If there is a girl for Izuru, there is a girl for you. Now let's find you a girl who will rise to the challenge of having to deal with you."

"Uh…but…" He asked sounding disappointed.

"What, now?"

"But can't you just make me a sex god, too?

* * *

**The scent of my man**

There was a point in time when my only motivation to get up early in the morning and drag my lazy ass to work on time was to catch a whiff of my Captain as he walked through the door. He showers in the morning and he would walk through the door clean shaven with damp hair and a splash of cologne. Yummy.

I don't remember him smelling so good before we were together. I am not sure if I just didn't notice it before or if he didn't start wearing cologne until after we were together. Either way it was driving me mad.

Everyday I would retrace his steps and take deep breaths of his lingering scent that he had left behind starting at the door. It was my evidence that he was in the room with me. One day I sniffed a little too loud.

"Matsumoto…what are you doing?" He asked with his head cocked to the side in amusement.

"Oh-nothing…" I replied quickly; his voice knocking me out of my stupor.

"Well, that didn't sound too convincing." He teased as he rounded his desk and made his way over to me. "Are you catching a cold?"

"No, I'm fine really." I waved my hands frantically to usher him back to his desk. Instead of returning to his desk he walked up to me and looked down into my face. Smelling him up close made my knees buckle and I stumbled slightly into him.

"Careful." He said taking my hand and leading me to the couch. He rested me on it and then took a seat next to me. My captain raised his palm and pressed it to my forehead. "You're warm; just as I suspected." He commented as he stroked my cheek with the back of his hand.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Don't worry. I have it, too. Apparently it's contagious and since we share an office I suppose it was inevitable." He said slyly.

"What is inevitable? What did I catch from you?" He leaned in and whispered against my lips.

"Lovesickness. Let's look for a cure together." He sealed his statement with a kiss.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N-WAH! WAH! THIS WEEK'S CHAPTER IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY MY IPOD THAT WAS SET TO "WAH," APPARENTLY WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE AND MUSICALLADY1. (AND THE LETTER 'W') WAH! **

**UMM…"TRASH TO TREASURE" WAS BORN FROM THE SONG "LADY IN RED," THOUGH IT TAKES ON A MORE SARCASTIC/ SOMBER TONE THAN THE ACTUALLY ROMATIC DEMEANOR OF THE SONG. WAH! **

"**WITHOUT YOU," IS IN REFERENCE TO THE MARIAH CAREY SONG OF THE SAME TITLE. THE LYRICS ARE VERY RANGIKU: "No I can't forget this evening ****Or your face as you were leaving**** But I guess that's just the way The story goes ****You always smile**** but in your eyes Your sorrow shows." and "When I think of all my sorrow When ****I had you there But then I let you go****" dOESN'T THAT FIT SO WELL? WAH! **

**aLSO, SPRUNG FROM A SONG BY THE SAME NAME, "YOU'LL SEE" BY MADONNA SEEMED TO PULL AT MY HEART STRINGS THIS WEEK, TOO. "You think that you are strong, but you are weak, You'll see, It takes more strength to cry, admit defeat. ****I have truth on my side, You only have deceit****." WAH! **

"**He's gone" was THE CREATION OF MUSICALLADY1. "CAN'T TAKE YOU ANYWHERE" WAS THROWN IN BECAUSE I WAS GETTING A LITTLE TIRED OF THE PITY PARTY. It is based on a true story at olive garden…WAH!**

**I DON'T OWN THE CHARACTERS, JUST THE STORIES WITHIN, LIKE YOU DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW.**

**XOXOXO**

**JANA**

* * *

**Trash to treasure**

You think I am oblivious to your scheme but you are sadly mistaken. Did you think I didn't know that you intentionally push me away in an effort to show that you are detached; void of emotion and heart. How cute. Two can play your game. I did learn from the best after all. You. I know you better than you know yourself.

"The party can start now, Rangiku is here." Captain Kyoraku announced my arrival. I know I was fashionably late. I really didn't want to attend the senior officers' ball. For once I just wanted to be alone in my impatient solitude. I smiled at the herd of Captains and Vice-Captains that mobbed me as soon as I crossed the doorframe. All of this attention was getting to me and I felt as though I were going to 

suffocate. Everyone wanted a piece of Rangiku Matsumoto…everyone but you. I knew that was a lie you could never tell.

Captain Kyoraku urged the band to start playing and he spoke to me loudly so that everyone might hear, "Rangiku, show us a little dance. Get everyone loosened up and ready to party." He insisted as he took my hand and began to lead me over to the dance floor. Out of obligation and respect for my friend, I did as he requested. I served as a warm up and then handed him over to Nanao. She shot me a look of disdain. I mouthed the words, "I love you," and she stuck her tongue out at me.

I then grabbed Captain Ukitake's hand and led his form all over the dance floor. I heard someone shout, "Careful, Rangiku, don't give him a heart attack." I laughed even though I didn't find it the least bit funny. I handed him over to a shy Captain Unohana. She blushed and her faced turned ten shades of red. I smiled. Everyone deserves someone to make them feel special…even if it is just for one night.

I pulled my Captain onto the dance floor and I laughed as he struggled. "Matsumoto, you're going to pay for this, come Monday," he explained. I was sure I would.

I worked my way down the line of senior officers and with every exchange of my dance partner I looked at you through the corner of my eye. Your smile was not mockingly spread across your face. You looked humble for a change and it let me know that I was getting underneath your skin. It made me smile inside.

I let some of the younger men dance closer to me that I normally would have liked them to. Hisagi's hands melted into my waist as he pulled me close. I could hear his breaths as we danced cheek to cheek for a slow song. He held me so tight that the rise and fall of his chest pushed my boobs into my ribcage. I felt dirty for two reasons. The first reason is for taking advantage of his feelings and secondly for selling my body to get back at you. Sure, it was just dancing but you got my point. The music picked up, a salsa tune, and we began to move swiftly to keep up with the beat. He spun me around and then he dipped me. Even looking at you upside down I noticed the irritation on your brow. I saw Captain Aizen whisper something in your ear and he didn't bother to cover his lips. I read his lips as clearly as if he were speaking the words to me.

"I hear the lady in red comes from the red light district of Rukongai." I watched as you neither confirmed nor denied his statement. You didn't defend the fact that I was nothing that he said I was. It would mean 

admitting that you _were_ my past. The first thought that came to my mind was, "You fucking son-of-a-bitch. I'll show you."

Hisagi pulled me upright again. Holding firmly on his hand I passed him off to Isane. It was then I made a beeline for Captain Aizen. I looked him deep in the eyes; seeing my own determination in my reflection in his glasses. He raised an eyebrow to me as I took his hand and led him to the dance floor; ignoring you completely. I danced around his stiff form with all fierce resolve to piss you off. It was working. It was then that I realized that I had danced with every man in the room except for you. I quickly handed Aizen over to Hinamori, much to her delight.

I felt your eyes burn into my form as I turned and walked in your direction. I felt your irritation as I walked past you to the buffet table. Did the sting of being ignored pierce your soul like a soul slayer? Good. I didn't wear the red dress you bought me for you…I wore it for myself just so that you might see that one man's trash is another man's treasure. (Many men treasure me, actually, in case you didn't know. You do, now. Your loss.)

* * *

**Without you**

How is the world still spinning? It's making me dizzy, the world spinning without you. But then I wonder…did it ever spin with you? I can't breath. Why are you taking my breath away? I should have held on. No, I shouldn't have. I am glad to be rid of you. You were the only one there for me…but you were never there for me. I have been alone all along.

* * *

**You'll see**

It's comical actually; the good I saw in you that crumbled at your feet. All this time, all of these years…I thought you were strong but I was wrong. That face, your words, your personality is meticulously crafted to hide your weakness. You are manipulative but you are also easily manipulated. Do you honestly think that he gives a shit about you? He is going to toss you aside as soon as he doesn't need you. You may think you are a rook and not a pawn…but the fact is you are a piece of the chess game between him and the Soul Society. Hmm…yes…you are a rook. He thinks he's God, Gin. How are you going to live with yourself? I am so happy I don't have to anymore. You'll see.

Your deceit knows no bounds but I am rubber, you are glue…well…you know the rest. The truth will prevail and I just so happen to have an abundance of truth tucked in my back pocket. I know every truth about you, now. Does that scare you? I bet that frightens you beyond belief. Is that why you duck and run? You are such a coward. You'll see.

What will your deceit get you, other than a one way ticket to hell? I will not follow you into the fire. There is already a fire that burns within me. A passion for like…a life I wanted you to be a part of. Oh, well. My life is my own now…I will be damned if you take that from me. I will make it alone. You weren't there much for me anyway. You'll see.

I want to thank you…without you I have never known my own strength. I don't need anyone-least of all, you. I have two legs to stand on. My home is where my heart is-no longer with you. I have no reason to associate with a man-child who is afraid of his own shadow…afraid to let anyone seep in. Was I able to crawl under you skin? Was the weight of my love too much to bear? Is that why you're sorry? You're not as sorry as you're gonna be. You'll see.

You did not destroy me when you pumped your venom in my veins. You just stunned me into realization. What's done is done and it will have nothing to do with me. You'll see.

* * *

**Can't take you anywhere**

Everyone grew tired of mine and Orihime's extravagant cooking. Some people just don't have good taste. The crew decided that we would go out to eat. Everyone tagged along…Ikkaku, Yumichka, Orihime, Renji, my Captain, Ichigo, Rukia…and me!

Our waitress took our orders and hustled to the back. She emerged a few moments later with our drinks. About ten minutes passed and our food was ready and it was delivered by a waiter that looked so shaken up that he must have been new. He presented each and everyone with their food and he turned to me and asked if we "needed anything else."

I opened my mouth to speak but I was cut off by Renji's resonating voice. The waited politely said, "I'm sorry sir, I was asking the lady." Renji scoured his face at me and I requested some ketchup for my french fries. The others then chimed in as to what else they would need to enjoy their meals.

It wasn't even a minute later and he materialized from the kitchen holding only a ketchup bottle. I thanked him and he asked if I needed anything else. I advised him of my satisfaction and then he walked back into the kitchen without delivering anyone else's request. He even brushed over Orihime.

I heard Renji puff up and he leaned across the table. I looked around to find everyone staring at me.

"What?" I asked, taking a bite of a french fry.

"Next time, we are leaving you at home. We can't take you anywhere," my Captain complained. Everyone nodded in approval.

"Hey, Rangiku, do you think your boobs can get the rest of us service, too?" Renji asked belligerently.

"No…but I am sure you will get served next...because you _are_ a boob."

* * *

**He's gone**

The downside to working with your boyfriend is you are with him 24/7. Sometimes that is too much egotistical testosterone than I can bear. He is such a stubborn ox. Though in most situations I would find his overprotective streak quite enticing….on the battlefield it just isn't sexy for him to think that I am incapable of defending myself. I did, after all, join the Gotei 13 of my own accord. I knew what I was signing up for. We walked hastily from the training grounds toward the tenth division headquarters.

"Give him one more chance, he didn't mean it, Captain," I insisted. One of our young recruits lost control of his zanpakuto and I narrowly dodged a fiery bolt of spirit energy that flew at my head.

"No! He was warned. He almost took your head off. What if he had done that in the heat of battle and you were preoccupied with something else. You would be dead." I shivered at the tone in his voice and the evidence of his irritation caused my hair to stand on end.

"Yeah…but it wasn't battle and I'm okay," I explained as I slid the office door open. I walked over to my desk and threw my training gear on the ground.

"I made my decision, Matsumoto. I will not yield. He is out of the squad." His words were firm and his face was authoritarian. He was kind of sexy when he was angry…but I had a fight to win. I would not yield, either.

I stared him up and down as he rested his gear beside his desk. He tried to ignore my stare. I sat down in my chair and I began tapping a pen on my desk; something that annoyed the hell out of him.

"No! Matsumoto," he screamed in sheer exasperation but I kept tapping away at the pen. With a grunt he uttered something under his breath that I could not make out. A burst of spirit energy flew at the door and I jumped out of reflex.

"Why are you locking the door with kidou?" I didn't understand what he could possibly be up to…but he did get me to stop tapping my pen. "I am going to finish this argument once and for all," he claimed as he made his way over to me in slow strides. His nostrils flared and I could see his furious pulse in the vein on his forehead. He stooped down to my level and met my eyes with determination. I laughed softly, still not breaking eye contact.

"You know, you're kinda sexy when you're angry," I whispered, "Let him stay." His eyes narrowed as he pulled me out of the chair by my forearms. He kicked my chair to the side with his leg and then he tackled me to the wall, pinning my arms above my head. "He's gone, Matsumoto. I am not going to say it again," he commanded as his forehead rested on mine. "You stubborn mule," I said. I felt him smirk. "He should stay."

"I don't think you understand the urgency of this matter, _Vice Captain_," he said as he slid his lips over to my 'secret spot.' His tongue traced my neck just below my ear and my knees buckled under the weight of his lips.

"N-not fair…" I pleaded. "You…cheat." He released my arms and nudged on my cheek to pull me closer to him. "He…stays." "He's gone!" Then his lips found mine. The upside to working with your boyfriend is that you find creative ways to settle an argument. Very creative.

The next few moments were a bit of a blur. How can someone so cold set your skin on fire? All I remember was a sense of urgency that I hadn't felt in a very long time. Each touch, each kiss on my skin left me disoriented and flushed. I was sooo ready for him. I could not contain it any longer. Apparently, neither could he.

I don't know how he was able to rid himself of his pants without me knowing. I was surprised that when he hastily helped me out of my pants I felt his naked flesh brush against me. "He staaaays," I insisted once more. Without a word he lifted one of my legs and swung it across his hip. He entered me swiftly causing my breath to catch in my throat. I threw my head back against the wall.

"He…goes…that…is…final…" Each word that he said punctuated a thrust. Our argument continued throughout the whole experience.

"Stay…stay…stay…stay…"

"Gone…gone…gone…gone…"  We argued back and forth.

With one final thrust he sent me into orbit and my body began to shake violently. I heaved heavily, trying to catch my breath.

"He's gone, Matsumoto, unless you want to argue again."

I took a moment to calm my breath and pondered his question. "Well, if you think you can present your argument any better than you did now…I would like to see you try."


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N- I HAVE HAD THE WORST WEEK EVER! THERE AREN'T ANY STORIES INSPIRED BY MY IPOD THIS WEEK BECAUSE MY CAR WAS BROKEN INTO AND MY IPOD WAS ONE OF THE THINGS THAT WAS STOLEN! WELL, THAT IS WHAT INSURANCE IF FOR, RIGHT?**

**ANYWAY "MEN ARE DICKS" WAS INSPIRED BY AN IM CONVERSATION W/ MUSICALLADY1. THE OTHER TWO ARE SILLY, FLUFFY MONSTROCITIES. ESPECIALLY "THE MIDDLE MAN" IT WILL LEAVE YOU THINKING 'WTF?' ENJOY.**

* * *

**Men are dicks**

Men are dicks…and I don't mean that in a round-about, generalized, slang way. They are dicks because they have a dick…which sometimes is wonderful. There is only a small percentage of time when a man can really blow a woman's mind but the other 99.9 percent of the time a man thinks with his dick and that is a man's greatest downfall. They are too consumed with animalistic instinct to remember that you are a person, not a sex toy; always looking to upgrade to a better looking model of woman.

Take my ex-Captain for example; the asshole that preceded, Captain Hitsugaya. Some claim that he only made me his Vice-Captain because of his crush on me. Sure, it had more to do with my figure than my 95 percent on the exam (yet more proof that men think with their dicks).

I worked my ass off for him. I stayed late, did more than my fair share of paperwork, I readied the squad for training…all on my lonesome in a failed attempt to prove that I was worthy of my rank.

I was working late one night, trying to budget the squad's finances and work on the payroll. I heard a knock at the door. My ex-Captain (a married man, btw) entered saying that he had wanted to keep me company. He showered me in idle conversation and kept telling me that I was working way too hard and needed to relax.

Agreeing to a break, I went to retrieve a cup of tea and when I was walking back to my desk he cut me off and pinned me against the wall. I looked up into his lust filled eyes and an overwhelming feeling of dread overtook my senses. The tea fell from my grip and the cup crashed on the floor.

"You know, I appreciate everything you do for me, Rangiku." His informal tone made me shudder and he reached up to brush the hair out of my face. I stiffened instinctively. "Can you do me another favor?" His voice was smug. He acted like I couldn't figure out what he was doing. Unfortunate for him I don't have a dick, I think with my brain.

"Y-yes sir," I hesitated, "What do you need?"

"You are so beautiful. You inspire me to want to be a better man. I have to know…I must taste you. I am so curious to know what Captain Ichimaru has been keeping to himself. He doesn't kiss and tell…and neither will I…" His lips crashed on mine with the grace of an elephant. I felt as if he were trying to drown me in his saliva. His lips flapped hungrily as I tried to pull away. His hands slipped into my robe and his hands squeezed my breasts so hard that I yelped, but he did not notice. He just kept fueling his barbaric instincts.

I knew that if I didn't get him to stop soon he was going to rape me. My body began to shake uncontrollably and tears fell from my eyes like mini waterfalls. In a matter of seconds I was able to contemplate how I got in this situation and how I was going to get out of it.

I felt his brain rub against my thigh as if to remind me that it was thinking. I did the only think I could do. I reached down into his pants and I grabbed onto his brain. It was enough to get his attention and stop his assault on my chest. I looked up into his eyes, smiled and then I yanked on him as hard as I could. He stumbled backward and fell onto the couch.

I put my chest back into my shirt and I smoothed the wrinkles out of my uniform. I grabbed my purse and I turned to go.

"If you mention this to anyone…I will ruin you career," he said; his voice still trembling in pain. I narrowed my eyes to him and examined his writhing form. I could not comprehend how someone with such a little "brain" could conjure the balls to make that threat to me.

"I am not a home wrecker. Go back to your wife…or I will ruin yours." I don't know how I was able to, but I walked tall out of the office despite the fact that my legs felt like spaghetti.

I continued to walk with my head held high. I didn't have a destination in mind but as I walked upon the eighth division I noticed that the light was still on. I decided to pay a visit to Nanao. I was just too scared to go home alone.

"Rangiku, what's the matter?" She asked as I walked through the door. I tried to walk past her but she grabbed my shoulder and my composure crumbled. I fell to my knees and I began to sob uncontrollably. I felt like a child, so helpless and frail. I was so absorbed in my misery that I hadn't even noticed that Captain Kyoraku was in the room until he picked me off of the floor and carried me to the couch.

He sat down next to me and rested my head against his chest. "There, there. You are okay, sweetheart. Don't cry." It took me a few minutes to control my breathing again. I debated whether I should tell them the truth but I knew I could never lie to Nanao. She would pry it out of me eventually. She is stubborn like that.

"What happened?" Nanao had a way of lacing kind comments with an abrasive tone. I jumped at her words.

"Nothing," I lied in a failed attempt to play it off.

"Bull shit!" She snapped. "Rangiku, don't start. Everyone in this room knows that you aren't a crybaby. Something really terrible must have happened to make you cry like that. I am not going to ask you again. What happened?"

With a heavy sigh I explained what had happened. I felt so dirty; I needed a shower. Through the glare on her glasses, I watched Nanao look to her Captain for a resolution. He took a long deep breath and then he spoke to me.

"You know, we have to tell Yamamoto, sweetheart."

"No," I snapped, "I don't want everyone to know. Everyone already thinks I am ridiculous. I know what will have to happen. I will have to explain what happened to all of the current Captains in a hearing. I have already been humiliated enough."

"I know sweetheart, but you don't deserve to be treated this way. He is not going to stop. It is only going to get worse. I will be with you, nothing will happen to you. I promise."

I pondered to myself, the promise of a man. Captain Kyoraku always thought with his heart. I trusted him with my best friend…shouldn't I trust him with myself? I could not understand how he was so different than the other men in my life. For the first time since I was a child, I felt that a promise made by a man was genuine. I reluctantly agreed.

The next morning Captain Kyoraku escorted me to address Yamamoto and a hearing was called on my behalf. I could not meet the gazes of any of the Captains, not even Unohana. I felt so ashamed.

"I will be standing right over there, sweetheart. I am right here with you. Just tell them what you told Nanao and me."

Tears began to burn down my cheeks as I began to speak. I explained the events that had occurred the night before in morbid detail. I secretly wondered if I had brought this on myself. I couldn't help but feel as though this was my fault. It just had to be. What had I done?

I sheepishly raised my gaze to scan the crowd for Gin. He stood in the back; head tilted toward the floor. My heart broke for a second time in twenty-four hours. I wanted him to run to me. I wanted to hear him tell me that I was going to be alright like he used to. I suddenly found myself in a position where I needed his loving care and once again he failed me. What happened to the fairytale promise? Have I been living under a false sense of security all of these years? I let my eyes flicker over his features and I realized how much he had changed.

I was dismissed from the room and My Captain was called in for his testimony and then the Captains deliberated. They were in there for what seemed like an eternity. My stomach felt sick and I just wanted to go home and wash myself of the situation.

After a while I was called back into the room and I was instructed to stand in front of the Captain-Commander. I still could not bring myself to look him in the eyes so I admired his shoes.

"Vice-Captain Matsumoto," his began; voice resonating throughout the room. I wrapped my arms around myself to soften the blow I was sure would come. "I apologize on behalf of the 13 protection squads that you had to endure this situation. Under no circumstances, do we accept this sort of behavior. We have unanimously agreed to remove your current Captain from his position. He has been stripped of his rank and has been placed in the lowest position on my squad. We have also decided on a replacement Captain. You will run the squad for the next two weeks, until he can complete orientation. He is young but very powerful. His maturity and drive will guarantee that we will not have any repeats of last night. We are positive that you will find relief in Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya. Does this satisfy you, Vice-Captain?"

My ears perked up and I smiled internally when I heard his name. That little rat child did it! He's not only a Captain now, he's _my_ Captain. I couldn't have been happier than if I had planned it myself. Suddenly I didn't feel so awful anymore.

"Yes, sir, the court has remedied the situation. I look forward to serving my new Captain. I will not fail you and I will not fail him." I just hope he is not a dick.

* * *

**Mr. and Ms. Seireitei**

Morale had hit rock bottom but it was to be expected…wasn't it? I mean, three of our own slapped our faces and then ran. Their actions were like an "F-U" to our existence.

Hisagi, in an attempt to heal his pain and help the rest of us deal with ours, ran a special in the paper. It was a clever idea actually. I was mildly surprised. He devised a competition where everyone could vote for the person he or she felt fit in a particular category. For example some of the categories were "most likely to be found passed out drunk on the road," "most professional," "most aggressive," "cutest Captain," and the highly coveted "Mr. and Ms. Seireitei." It was very clear that he thought of a category to fit everyone so that no one was left out. He is so sweet.

"Mr. and Ms. Seireitei" was the title worth winning; the prize was a one week paid vacation and accommodations at a spa/ resort. The criteria to qualify were as follows: unwavering devotion to squad, commands authority, respectful, considerate, as well as being fashion forward. There would only be two winners, one boy and one girl. Wouldn't that be nice?

"Here is you paper, Matsumoto," Hisagi looked proud of himself as if her were up to something. He continued to follow me from his squad to mine next door.

"Oh, thanks! How sweet," I said as I marched on. When he didn't turn to go I spun around to face him with an inquisitive look?

"Well, aren't you going to read it? The results are in," he urged and I stopped in the doorway to my building.

"Great," I said as I unfolded the paper, "what did I get, 'most likely fuck your brains out?'" The bitterness in my tone caused him to take a step back. I ate my words as soon as I opened the paper. There I was on the front page. "I'm Ms. Seireitei?" I couldn't hide the skepticism in my voice.

His smile widened and I looked at him in shock. "Look at some of the comments that were written about you." I lowered my gaze and affixed my eyes to the words.

"_There is none more dutiful than Vice-Captain Matsumoto, she was able to hold her blade against a close colleague twice. If that don't imply bravery and strength then I don't know what does. Her commitment to her duty is flawless and we all can learn a lot from her."_

"_Matsumoto, always good for a laugh and beautiful even on the battlefield."_

"_There is no better dressed woman in Seireitei other than Rangiku Matsumoto. She is graceful, dependable and she can whoop your ass! She is the best Vice-Captain I could ever ask for. Go squad 10!"_

The comments went on and on. I was so touched.

"Thank you very much," I said to him. I closed the paper and tried to fan the tears welling in my eyes.

"I just though you deserved some time to relax after all that happened. Sure, the rest of us were betrayed…but by our Captains. You were betrayed by your best friend. You deserve the honor and prestige that goes along with raising your blade….to your lover." He almost choked on his last words.

"He's not anymore…" I was going to say something else but we were interrupted.

"Congratulations, Vice-Captain," one of my squad members cheered as she reported for duty.

"Thank you," I smiled.

"Well, I have to get back," he said sounding melancholy as he turned to leave.

"Thank you!" I called to his back and he waved a hand to acknowledge me. I watched his back for a moment; out of habit I guess.

"Well if I'm Ms. Seireitei…then who is Mr. Seireitei? Who will I be spending a week with?" I wondered out loud to myself. I flipped to page two and gasped in horror as I read the name of the man who won the title. "Renji…Abarai….I have to spend a week with Renji? That's punishment not a reward!" I ran after Hisagi. "I want a recount. This just can't be right. Dammit, get back here. You set me up!"

* * *

**The middle man**

"Grrrr…" I said as I slammed my hands on his desk. He gave me a look of utter annoyance, much like the look I was giving him.

"Excuse me, Matusmoto. Did you just growl at me?" My Captain wrinkled his forehead and leaned forward in his chair in an attempt to understand me better.

"No I didn't. Haineko is growling at Hyorinmaru. Please relay the message." I stated matter-of-factly as I stood up and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Wha-Why would she say that?" The panic evident in his voice.

"I don't know, Captain, I am just the middle man. She wouldn't shut up unless I told you to tell him. She is driving me nuts. What were you thinking about?" He averted his gaze from my face at my question.

"Nothing, Matusmoto. I will tell him." The tone of his voice told me that he was up to something and I didn't like it. I turned and eyed him for a moment. "Staring at me won't get your work done any faster, Matsumoto," he said calmly, almost pleadingly, not looking up from what he was reading. With a sigh of defeat I turned and walked back to my desk.

"They're doing it again," I heard her sing as if she were tattling on my Captain and Hyorinmaru. I held up my mirror in order to steal a look at my Captain without being obvious about it. He looked like he was daydreaming. "I think you should punish him."

"Why?" I whispered to her. "He is just spacing out?"

"No, he's not," her voice resonating in my head, "he is fantasizing about last night."

"Uh," I said suddenly feeling offended and yet slightly proud at the same time. I sauntered over to my Captain and looked at him knowingly.

"What now, Matsumoto?"

"If you wanted an instant replay of last night you could've just asked. Why do I have to hear about it from Haineko, who heard it from Hyorinmaru? We are adults here, aren't we?" It was more of a statement than a question.

He threw his pen down in frustration pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Dammit woman, I have to fantasize. If I had it my way I would make love to you twenty-four hours a day and I can't run the division from inside of you."

What a shame.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N- GUESS WHAT? I AM STILL ALIVE. SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN FOREVER. I HAD COLLEGE FINALS AND THEN I SPENT A WEEK AND A HALF VISITING MY FAMILY IN OHIO. THIS CHAPTER IS SHORT BUT I HAD TO GET SOMETHING OUT THERE. HOPE YOU ENJOY! LOTS OF LOVE! AND I DON'T OWN THE CHARACTERS, JUST THE STORIES WITHIN, LIKE YOU DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW.**

* * *

**The Escape**

I miss him. Even through his devious nature there is a part of me that will eternally love him. I miss his home comings and the relief I felt because I was not alone anymore...even if it was just for a moment. I found myself walking taller and wearing a smile more often.

As we got older it was a game of leave, return, touchy-touch. I don't know what trials he had been through or the obstacles he had to overcome but I could feel his relief in the ferocity of his lips on mine. I knew that the world had been vicious and he had to get away.

I miss the "escape" route we would take with one hand on my thigh and the other on my waist coaxing me up and down. Sometimes I thought about leaving him myself. Oh, to be a fly on the wall when he realized _I_ had left him for a change…but who am I fooling? I needed him way more than he would ever need me. He would probably shrug his shoulders and carry on with his life. "Oh, well. No sex t'day." He always had a way of making me feel helpless and weak. To make me need him, want him, more than my life itself. His powers of manipulation are astounding indeed.

The last time we "escaped" with one another caught me off guard and left me to wonder what he was up to. Time left me feeling sorry that I had ever asked. It was a rainy day and my normal posse of drinkers was not at my disposal. Ikkaku and Yumichika had field training. I could hear their boisterous shouts from my apartment. Hisagi had other plans which he threatened to cancel but I told him that it wasn't good to break a promise and that we could go out another day. Feeling desperate, I called on Renji only to learn that he was in the real world with his Captain to retrieve his Captain's sister. She was M.I.A. Kira said he had to work late but in Kira language that meant, "I don't want to go."

So, there I was sitting calmly on my couch enjoying a cup of coffee as I counted the cracks in my ceiling. The only sound I could hear was the pitter-patter of rain on my window punctuated by shouts from the 11th division. It was a calm ending to my hectic day. A knock at the door interrupted my thoughts and I lost count of how many cracks were on my ceiling. "Coming..." I announced as I rested my cup on my end table. When I opened the door I had to blink twice because my brain did not believe what my eyes were seeing. 'G-G-Gin?!" I stammered.

He stood in my door way, sopping wet from the rain. His hair stuck to his face and his smile was nowhere to be found. My heart missed a beat. "What happened? You're soaking wet. Come in," I said as I grabbed his arm to pull him inside. I could feel how cold he was though his robe. "You're freezing. You're going to get sick." I commented as I closed the door behind him.

I left him standing by my door as I walked into my bedroom. I returned a moment later with a towel. I unfolded it and I reached up to dab the water that was dripping off of his face. I took care when drying his forehead but when I inched lower he snapped his hand up to grab my wrist. I gave him a look of disdain. His grip was firm and it was hurting me.

"What?!" I asked in desperation. He was starting to really scare me. "You are going to catch a fever if we don't get you out of those clothes."

His grip on my arm loosened as he pulled me into an embrace. He brushed a stray hair out of my eyes and traced the outline of my face slowly. He let out a soft laugh. "Hmm...I thought ya'd neva ask." He did not release his grip on my wrist as he pinned my arm around my back and lowered his lips on mine.

I won't lie. I didn't put up a fight. I am a sucker. That's me. Rangiku Matsumoto, the world's biggest sucker. No matter how strong I try to be I can't help but melt into his affection, I so rarely get to see. I can't turn away.

He pressed my body into his and I began to shiver as I felt water seep through my nightgown. I let his tongue explore my mouth like it had done so many times before. With all of the deprivation he had given to me since he had become a Captain it wasn't hard for me to let him pick up where he left of. I am such a gullible fool.

His lips traced my jaw line with renegade kisses and he then rested them above my ear. "Ya all wet. Ya gonna catch a fever. I hafta get ya outta ya clothes." He released his grip, picked me up and carried me to my bedroom. He wasted no time stripping me of my clothing and I didn't waste time stripping him of his.

Five. That was the number of times we escaped that night. Not exactly a record for us but it was something that hadn't happened since the Academy days. He was hungry and I kept feeding the beast inside of him. He fell asleep inside of me just before dawn. I stroked his hair as his head rested on my chest. I silently replayed our lives together.

This poor man was once a child…a child without a friend in the world. There was no one to lead him in his ways; no one to show him how to be a man. I believe with all my heart that he did the best that he knew how to do but somewhere along the way that little boy got lost. Gin grew into a man who got mixed up with the wrong person and he will pay dearly for his mistakes. I have never heard him complain once in all of the years I have known him but I know that deep down he never felt good enough.

Ironic, isn't it? He was a prodigy; the envy of everyone. He thinks his strength lies in the fact that he can hide his thoughts from everyone. I wish he would open his eyes and see what is in front of him. He is so blind. He couldn't see that his true strength rests on just being himself. To hell with the world, he was good enough for me and that is all that should have mattered. He didn't have to be a genius nor the right hand of God to impress me. I spent the entirety of my life with him trying to feed the hunger in his heart the way he fed the hunger in my tummy.

When I remained still and he thought I had fallen asleep, he removed himself from me and left my apartment quietly. I didn't see him again until Momo accused him of killing Aizen.

Little did I know that I didn't have to be a fly on the wall to see his reaction when he realized that I had eventually given up on him. No, I had front a row seat. "I wouldn't have minded you hanging on a little longer." I am sorry, sweetheart; I have held on long enough.

Infinite. That is how many cracks were on my ceiling the day that he walked out of my life. Ironically, that is how many times he has broken my heart. I'm still counting today.

* * *

**Nobel Intentions**

"Poor, poor, pitiful Renji," I thought as I rolled my eyes away from him. He tries so hard and seems to get virtually nowhere. His temper is his greatest downfall and one of my favorite past times. It's so easy to get him riled up.

"Dammit, Rangiku, hold your horses. I will be done in one minute."

His hands moved frantically as he formed the final paragraph of the 6th division's weapons report.

"59, 58, 57…" I began.

"Shut up, smartass, your harassment is only going to slow me down," he shouted in frustration. I smiled in response.

"Less talk and more writing, big mouth…56, 55, 54…" He let out a large sigh as I made my way over to the window that was positioned behind his desk. The window over looked the alleyway that separated the fifth and sixth divisions. "53, 52, 51…"

Even though I was on the second floor, the view wasn't all that exciting to look at but I could see through to the fifth division's administrative office. No one was in. "50, 49, 48, 47…" I counted as I leaned against the window sill. As the cool air from the open window caressed my cheeks, my eyes flickered to the alley below.

I caught a glimpse of Captain Kuchiki leaned against the fifth division's building. His face was rugged and stressed. I watched as his breaths made his chest rise and fall in slow, deep strides. I examined his form as he reached into his pocket and retrieved two items. At first it was hard to make out what he was doing. My counting ceased as I witnessed Captain Kuchiki place a cigarette between his lips and light it.

He inhaled deeply as he closed his eyes and threw his head back against the wall. His features relaxed. It looked as if he crossed the gates into heaven. Maybe I was just imagining it but I think I even saw a small smile creep onto his face. He looked so tranquil.

He is often painted as stoic, uncaring and somewhat inhuman but the Captain Kuchiki that I saw at that moment was none of the above. He looked like the shell of a man that had to carry the world on his shoulders quietly. I don't know how he can bear his burdens unflinchingly. I could not and would not want to be him. I would not want to do the things that he has to do. He is truly an amazing person and I have nothing but the highest respect for.

"Rangiku…did you forget how to count?" Renji shouted mockingly in my direction. At the sound of Renji's voice, Captain Kuchiki noticed my presence and his serene expression evaporated right before my very eyes. He eyed me carefully as his lit cigarette burned between his fingers. I could see the guilt that was written upon his face. He was caught. He stood frozen in time with a light blush creeping upon his chiseled features as he flashed me his infamous death glare. I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I smiled and with a wink I shut the window. "I am done…all I have to do is get my Captain to sign it and…" Renji continued.

"No! He's stepped out. Don't worry about it. I will pick up the other division's reports and I will come to you last," I explained.

"Why the hell didn't you say that earlier? I rushed through this report because you said you needed it and…"

"Don't you ever shut up?" I asked not bothering to hide the annoyance in my voice. "Something has come up. Can't you just accept that the plans have changed?" I barked as I made my way over to the door.

"I can go find Captain Kuchki," Renji explained, "if you just wait a minute I will go and find him and you can have your paperwork."

"NO! Leave him be. He deserves a moment of peace." I snapped as I opened the office door.

"Since when did you develop such good and noble intentions?" He asked with a sarcastic laugh.

I turned to him and smiled wide. "Since I realized that a noble could benefit from my good intentions. I will come back later." I walked out of the office leaving Renji to ponder my words with a puzzled expression on his face. He doesn't understand anything. Now I need a cigarette.

* * *

**Royal flush**

"What's up?" I asked as I let myself in Ikkaku's apartment. It was a Saturday night and I had nothing to do so I decided to crash the "boys only" party he was having. I suspected that no one minded too much.

"Rangiku!" The boys said in unison. I smiled as I bounced over to the table where everyone was seated around a circular table.

"We are playing poker." Yumichika informed me and I acknowledged him with a nod. "Come sit down with us."

I joined Yumichika, Ikkaku, Renji, Hisagi and Kira at the table and I turned to Captain Kyoraku who was lying half asleep on the couch.

"Why aren't you playing?" I asked as I raised an eyebrow to him. He raised his head just far enough for him to look at me under the brim of his hat.

"Matsu, Matsu don't you know that I am too old to play a game I know I cannot win. I only bet on sure things."

"How could I forget?" I snickered. I knew he was referring to his all-consuming crush on my best friend but that is a story for another day.

"But a young thing like you wouldn't have any trouble taking a risk now would you? Why don't you try your hand at poker?" He asked lowering his gaze once more. His smirk caused a domino effect of events.

"I'll teach you how to play, come sit by me." Hisagi insisted.

"But I'm broke," I said with a pout.

"Well, what do you have that you can gamble with?" Renji asked in a loud sarcastic voice.

I glanced at Kyoraku and then glanced back to the boys and with a straight face I said, "My clothes."

There was dead silence as five jaws hit the floor.

"Are you serious? You want to play strip poker?" Hisagi wondered allowed as he choked on his words. He did not bother to hide the optimism in his voice.

"I am for-serious," I sang nonchalantly. "Deal me in."

I didn't do too well the first few hands. I lost my badge, my shoes, my socks, my scarf and my black robe. All that separated me from the total exposure of my chest was a thin white robe and my pretty pink bra.

Everyone folded when they got down to their underwear, refusing to go further…everyone but Hisagi that is.

"Are you sure you want to go on?" I asked him as I stared at him inquisitively. He looked down at his cards and he looked at my chest and then up to my face.

"I've never been so sure about anything in my entire life." He said with arrogance on his breath. "Read it and weep sweetheart…four of a kind. Your beginner's luck is over."

My jaw hit the floor as I examined the cards he laid on the table. He began to celebrate his victory by inviting the boys to chant, "Take it off. Take it off." I reached up to pull my robe down but hesitated.

"What are you doing? You lost fair and square. Now strip!" I looked down at my cards and looked back at him as I laid my cards down for him to see.

"Uh…that's my line." I said indignantly. "Royal flush! Now strip for me!"

His smile melted into a look of horror as he realized that his labors were all in vain. There would be no boob sightings today.

"Uh-oh man, she wants you to take it off," Ikkaku teased as he pulled Hisagi out of the chair urging him to pay up on his bet. "You couldn't have just stopped while you were ahead. She was really lucky for her first time."

At Ikkaku's statement Kyoraku cleared his throat as if to get everyone's attention.

"You have nothing to say on the subject. You didn't even have the nerve to play," Hisagi accused as he reached his hands around the waistband of his underwear.

"I told you before, young fellow, I refuse to play a game I cannot win. I know Ran-chan is a poker master. If I were to run around naked my Nanao wouldn't be too happy with me." His reply was lazy and matter-of-factly.

"You set me up!" Hisagi screamed in utter astonishment. "You made us believe that you didn't know what you were doing." I narrowed my eyes to him.

"I never said that I didn't know how to play. You assumed and I didn't enlighten you to my knowledge. You assumed and when you assume you make an ASS out of yourself. Now show me your ass!"


	20. Chapter 20

Ginger snaps

**A/N: Yay! Chapter 20! I didn't see that coming! Does anyone even read this anymore? Should I keep going? I don't know. Well, it took me so long to update because I got a new job and they work me to death (DOING PAPERWORK…AHHH!), and then I have school and then my dance act that I am working on. Oh, and Musicallady1 and I were able to check out Otakon, the anime convention in Maryland. It was effin' awesome. I've never seen so much Bleach stuff in my life! Next year I know to bring more money and a costume. I had a few people ask me why I didn't dress up as my girl, Matsu. To be quite honest, I was really disappointed at the Rangiku cos-players. They sucked. So next year Musicallady1 is going to hold it down for Yoruichi and I will hold it down for Rangiku. It will be fun!**

"**The advice you should have taken" is for Espada-Reese. Love ya! Thanks for reading! A note to ****That Crazy Guy****, I am still working on your request. "My shadow" is for Musicallady1.**

**Sooo…there it is. Chapter 20! Enjoy, read, review, request. And I don't own the characters, just the stories within, like you didn't already know.**

**Ginger snaps**

"You've bonded quite nicely with her, Rangiku." Ichigo said as we sat around Urahara's table. Everyone else had run to the kitchen for some ice cream that Orihime had brought over to share. I was too lazy to get up just then.

"She's a good girl. She reminds me of myself once upon a time, but the world changes you into something that the person you used to be would never recognize. She hasn't allowed that to happen to her. It is refreshing to see someone that is able to maintain her innocence." I said as I leaned back on my elbows.

With a smile he thought pensively about my words and then responded with his conclusion. "Yeah, she is a good girl. Sometimes, she is too good. She cares too much and loves too deeply, she is going to end up hurt."

"There is nothing wrong with loving too much. She just needs to make sure that the recipient is worth the slow ripping of her heart that will surely come because most of the time a man isn't worth any of it." He averted his gaze to the ground. Then she appeared.

"Rangiku! I made you a bowl. Come get it." She said in her bubbly voice.

"Thanks. I will be right there!" I called to her and she disappeared into the hall once again. I lazily rose from the ground and started toward the kitchen. On my way out I stopped behind Ichigo and I placed an arm around his shoulders. "Let me get one thing straight from one ginger to another. If you hurt her, I will snap and I will kill you and then I will send Zaraki and his boys after what is left of you. Do you understand?"

His body tensed under my touch. Good, I was making him uncomfortable. Maybe my words would sink into his thick skull. "I understand, Rangiku." He said in monotone. I lingered for a moment just to make sure every last drop of blood in his body rose to his face.

Finding my perky voice again I said "Good! I'm glad we had this talk!" And then I hurried to the kitchen. Only time will tell if Ginger on Ginger violence will ensue.

**True Love**

I love feeling him crash upon my lips. I don't know how he is able to shake my being and I really don't care what ties him to me. My lips tingle and his warmth spreads like a wildfire, through my chest and snakes down to my toes. No one knows that my mind is clear. I can hear and comprehend every single word that is said however, my body is taken to another place in time.

His embrace settles on my stomach with an aching that is neither satiable nor tame. I feel a calm wash over me as he reaches out to hold me close. He is my protector. He succeeds where no man has. He knows how to move and breathe inside of me. When he is inside of me there is nothing in this world that can bring me down.

Why should I disregard this need that I have to let him dress the wound in my heart? This sake bottle compliments me, don't you think?

**Genie in a bottle**

"What?" I asked Kon as I sat on Orihime's couch trying my best to detangle my unruly hair. He was pacing back and forth in front of me and I chose to give in to his whims.

"Hmmm….nothing…." He did not try to hide the melancholy in his voice as he turned to walk out of the room.

"Stop. Turn. Spill." I demanded through my teeth as I painstakingly freed the last knot from my hair. He turned around slowly and eyed me up and down pensively. With a sigh he made his way over to sit next to me.

"Rangiku, Can I ask you a question?

"You just did," I advised him and he let out a heavy sigh.

"Why are the other mod souls more respected than I am? I try to help the team as best as I can but I feel a bit inadequate," he confessed with a tongue laced in bitterness.

"That's not true. I respect you," I said as I pat him on the head.

"Then why don't I get to ride on Ichigo's shoulder? It's not fair."

"Well, that is because Ichi needs you to watch his back. He doesn't need to carry you. You can stand on your own two feet. All sidekicks do that. Seriously, you are a great help!"

"Stop lying. He gets to be everything, the hero, the lover, the fighter…why do I even bother?" The seriousness of his tone cut me like a knife. I had never seen Kon so serious before. Why had he chosen me to confide in?

"Kon! Snap out of it. There have been plenty times where your services have been a great help. "

"Oh, yeah? Name one." Yeah, a stuffed animal called my bluff. I remained silent as I tried to recall a time where Kon had been a great help. When I couldn't come up with an example he rolled his eyes and sighed, "Nevermind."

"Kon you are a good person. You just have to believe in yourself as much as I believe in you." I swear I saw him sit up straighter and shine his finger nails on his chest. Yes, Kon gained some confidence.

"Say, can I ask you one more question?"

"l'm sorry Kon, I have a strict three question policy, like a genie." He looked at me with a smile, as if his mind immediately dropped into the gutter. He put his arm pensively to his face and looked eyed me with a sick satisfaction.

"But," He said, "Would you change your mind if I rubbed you the right way?"

**The advice you should've taken**

Ugh! I can't believe I got suckered into this. My Captain is so cruel. Imagine him, sticking me with the responsibility of writing up an officer. Captain does not tolerate insubordination…so how is it that I find myself in the creepy 10th division attic?

The attic is where we keep all of the personnel files for the division. Our attic is in dire need of repair. There are cracks in the floor where you can see through to the level below. In certain areas, the floor bows when you step on it. It is just a really scary place to go. Plus there are spiders and creepy crawly things that I don't even want to see.

"Watanabe, Watanabe, Watanabe…" I repeated his name over and over as I searched for his file. "Where are you? Come to mama. Don't hide from me, Watanabe. Watanabe? Watanabe?" I sang into the musty air. "Your ass is grass when I find you, Watanabe. Watanabe, there you are…" I pulled the file from the drawer and it was then that I heard a suspicious noise. It sounded like...laughter? I slowly walked to where I heard the sound coming from in the far side of the attic and there they were. Captain Ukitake and Captain Soi Fon were fooling around in our attic. I rolled my eyes. They eyed me with amusement.

"What did I tell you two?" I exclaimed as my voice echoed off of the walls. "Did I not tell you that we had a utility room, a laundry room a library and a kitchen…never did I say anything about the attic. Geeze, you people don't listen. I listed those places because those are places that are generally vacant. Just don't defile my records and be sure to sanitize after you are done." I put the file to my chest and I turned to go. "And, umm…carry on."

**My shadow**

"You made it!" Hisagi said as he pulled a chair out for me. The bar was hopping, like it usually was on a Friday night.

"Of course, I can't let my boys down," I yelled over the music. "I am sorry that it took me so long. I had to finish up some things for my Captain."

"How is your shadow doing?" Ikkaku asked.

"He isn't my shadow!" I barked across the table. "I am a loyal Vice Captain. I have his back no matter how mundane the task is. Don't you have your Captain's back?"

"Yeah, I have my Captain's back but we don't follow each other around like a shadow."

"What are you talking about, Ikkaku? We don't follow each other around like a shadow. It doesn't look like he is here, now does it?" Ikkaku reached into my purse and retrieved my compact. "Hey! Get out of my purse!"

He slid the compact across the table over to me. "Oh, no? Fix your make up to the left." I rolled my eyes and I opened my compact and pretended to start fixing my make up. I tilted the mirror to the left and sure enough, my Captain was seated in the back corner of the bar. He had a hat on that covered his hair, but no one could mistake those piercing teal orbs.

"Fine! So, he's here. He could just like the music. It doesn't mean anything." I justified his actions.

"Rangiku! Since when does he listen to booty shaking music? He comes only when you come."

"You mean he's done it more than once?" I could hear my voice crack with emotion.

"He's been doing it since Gin left for good." He stated matter-of-factly.

"Uh! That's been almost seven years!" I realized.

"Yep. And your shadow has walked with you every step of the way."

**Stop, drop and roll**

I was having such a wonderful dream about a handsome man and his bottomless credit card. He fell in love with me and insisted that he take me shoe shopping every day. I leaned in to kiss him and he said "Is it hot in here?" I noticed the rising heat myself.

"Mmm…" I laughed. "It is." I leaned in more. Just as I was about to kiss him a high pitched, deafening alarm went off. I woke with a start as I realized that the fire alarm had gone off. Wouldn't it figure? It was all a dream.

Smoke filled my apartment as the smell of burnt rubber filled my lungs. Shoe shopping would have to wait. I immediately hit the floor and I crawled to my balcony and I slid open the glass door. I used the escape ladder to climb to the ground below.

"Matsumoto! Are you alright?" I heard my Captain call to me with concern in his tone. "You're not hurt are you?"

"No, I'm not. Are you? What happened?"

"I don't know yet. I am just trying to make sure that everyone has made it out. Here." He handed me a copy of the division's roster. "You take the bottom half and take roll; we need to find out who is still inside the building."

Despite my irritation at missing out on my dream, I did as I was told. "Alright, you goobers, you heard the man. I am going to call a name. If that name is yours please say 'here.' Okay? Here I go. Maeda?"

"Here."

"Maita?"

"I am here, Vice Captain."

"Maruyama?"

"Here."

"Matsumoto? Matsumoto?" I stomped my foot when I didn't get a response and suddenly through my sleepiness it hit me. "Oh, wait. I'm Matsumoto. Here!" I laughed through my sleepiness.

I felt a sudden burst of cold air crash onto my skin on that midsummer night as my Captain ran to my side.

"Matsumoto, it seems that Hagiwara was practicing kidou inside of his dorm room." He said angrily as he pulled on one terrified squad member. "He could have killed us all!"

"Naughty, naughty." I said as I shook my finger to my soldier. "What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't ma'am." Then his gaze dropped and he struggled to place his hands in front of him.

"Quit wiggling." My Captain said as he shook him in an attempt to get him to settle down. I handed the list to the third seat and instructed him to finish calling roll while I helped my Captain assess the situation.

He sat down and I knelt down to meet his gaze. My Captain crossed his arms and looked away. He was beyond pissed. I could feel the plunging temperature and I began to shiver.

"What were you trying to prove? If you wanted to practice kidou you could have just told me. I would have been happy to take you to the training grounds and we could have practiced together," I explained to him as I used my thumb to whip the soot from his face.

"I..I'm sorry Vice Captain." I would have believed him if he would have at least made eye contact. He kept his eyes averted. I stood up with a heavy sigh.

"I have sent for the guard on duty to come retrieve him," My Captain said, his face was turned away from me. I walked in front of him so that I could see his face and he turned away from me.

"Captain!" I exclaimed! "I am trying to talk to you!"

"Matsumoto, stop." He demanded.

"What is wrong with you people? Why won't you look at me?" I inquired as a familiar form came into a view.

"It's you," I commented as Renji made his way over to us.

"Look, it's "the rack." His retort was sarcastic and haughty.

"Awww…Are you missing out on your beauty sleep?" He did not answer my verbal assault but rather focused on the task at hand and did not look at me.

"Uh…so is this the prisoner?" He asked pointing to our "kidou master."

"That be him. We will come to retrieve him after lunch for sentencing." I explained. Then without so much as a "good-bye" Renji left with our prisoner.

"Well, now that's over with…it doesn't seem that the fire was too bad…let's see if we can go back to bed…" I announced to the squad as I turned my gaze away from the rising sun. My Captain then jumped in front of me blocking the squad from my sight. "What is with you?" I asked in a whisper.

"Me?!" He said in a heated whisper. "You have done enough damage. Don't you realize that your silk night gown leaves nothing to the imagination? Only you can simultaneously arouse every member of your squad. Matsumoto, you're dismissed. Get some clothes on."

Whose fault is that, Captain Mc Frosty?


End file.
